These are the minutes of the most recent meeting of the Ħas-Siġar local council. Held at the Ħas-Siġar council offices at 6.30 p.m on July 16, 2008.

Present: Emmanuel Vassallo Vella, mayor; Deirdre Gatt, deputy mayor; Councillors: George Spey Grima, Maria Tedesco Sant; Victor Siracusa; Ramone Merceica.

Unavoidably absent on a 'fact-finding' visit to Barbados: councillor Karmenu Grima (and Fifi Laboobs).

In attendance: Raymond Borg Sant, council secretary.

Plus: Two members of the public (one of whom slept the whole way through... loudly) and a (possibly) stray chihuahua.

The minutes of the local council meeting held on June 25 were read and approved (except for an inadvertent reference to councillor Siracusa's unfortunate habit of leaving the meeting every 10 minutes to smoke). After a short discussion - and despite a vigorous (and in his opinion totally justified) defence of his actions by the council secretary, this was struck from the minutes.

Matters arising:

George Spey Grima objected to a minuted note, in which he is recorded as referring to the female local warden who booked him for parking his pick-up truck on a zebra crossing as: "A fat ignorant cow!" He insists the term he used was a well-rounded, if intellectually challenged, bovine. The minutes were amended accordingly.

Item number one:

The mayor explained that there was only one item on the agenda, but one of such importance that he felt it only right to restrict the agenda to this item.

A petition, signed by some 501 citizens of Ħas-Siġar, calling on the local council to respond to the recent extensive construction and development within the village's core and change the name of the Ħas-Siġar village to Ta' Konkors.

Opening the discussion, the mayor stated: "While it was true that the three rather stunted pine trees that used to grace the northern approaches to the village had been bulldozed to make way for the construction of the Spend and Spend supermarket and fast food complex, in my opinion there is no need for any radical name change.

"Since the village had always been known as Ħas-Siġar it should remain so, whether there were any trees there or not. After all, those three trees are the very symbol of the village and they even grace the coat of arms. What are the petitioners suggesting? That we change the emblem to two cranes rampant over a half-built construction site? So councillors, there is no way will I consent to changing our beloved village's name. No way."

The mayoral stand was supported by councillor Victor Siracusa, who stated: "There is no need whatsoever for there to be real trees in our village to retain our name.

"I mean, when you go to Newcastle-on-Tyne, you don't expect to see a newly constructed chateau spanning a river! And when I was recently in Brussels, I didn't see a single miniature cabbage the whole time I was there.

"And nearer home, when I drive through St Paul's Bay... I certainly don't anticipate seeing St Paul clambering ashore from the wreckage of his capsised cruise liner."

Councillor Maria Tedesco Sant, who represents the Greenish Party, disagreed. In a strongly worded statement, she said: "Councillors wake up!" (A timely reminder, since two had indeed nodded off).

She continued: "Our village has become a conservationist joke.

"Never mind the trees, we have lost every trace of vegetation we ever possessed. In fact, the only green thing remaining in the entire village is the local warden's uniform."

At this point, the deputy mayor and councillor Deirdre Gatt challenged this assertion with: "I disagree, it is not the only green thing remaining in the village. The car of Derek, from the chicken abattoir, is green." Councillor Tedesco Sant countered: "I meant vegetation green.

"Derek does indeed have a sort of greenish car, but it is much more of a ruptured gall bladder green."

A discussion ensued on the precise shade of green sported by the Derek's car.

The mayor eventually called the meeting to order and agreed to postpone a vote on the petition until a later meeting... a much later meeting.

There being no other business to discuss, the councillors dispersed to their various party clubs to report on the proceedings and bitch about their fellow councillors.

Meeting adjourned.