I would have loved to comment on the proceedings of the Doha conference on the family that was held this week in Valletta. Since invitations were available on condition that one attends all sessions, unfortunately I had to decline. However, a comment on President George Abela’s speech is necessary.

The President aptly said that parents do not just raise children but raise a nation really. Consequently, the breakdown of marriage and families carries with it an emotional, financial and social price tag that is too costly to contemplate. Children, spouses and society suffer when marriage breaks down and couples feel they have to resort to separation, divorce, annulment proceedings or cohabitation. The President listed some of the negative consequences of such breakdowns.

Pope Benedict likewise spoke on the same topic while addressing Brazilian bishops recently. He said many children who are raised by cohabiting, separated, divorced or remarried parents are deprived of fixed points of reference and can suffer from inner conflict and confusion. Today, many children “who feel orphaned are not children without parents but children with a surplus of parents”.

Strengthening marriage and families should be a priority for the state, the Church, civil society and individuals. However, we are not giving it top priority. It is a pity that the debate about the introduction or otherwise of divorce legislation has taken precedence over everything else. Let us have a debate about divorce but let us also have a discussion about how marriages and families can be strengthened.

The first debate (though needed) is necessarily a divisive one. The discussion about strengthening the family should provide us with the possibility of building bridges between both sides, as this is an ideal we all aspire to. Is it too much to ask Proġettimpenn and The Today Public Policy Institute to publish jointly or separately detailed reports suggesting ways to strengthen the family in the same way that they published detailed reports for or against divorce? I am certain there are people on both sides who are capable of working together on such a project.

The President realistically conceded that it “is also true that whatever is done, there will still be marriages that fail and there will remain the need to address this problem”. He asked a number of questions, none of which are rhetorical; they urgently require answers. They can be synthesised into one question: should the definition of the family include only people who are married or should it also include those living in stable unions?

He added, “I do not want to pre-empt the discussion on this topic since my office precludes me at this stage to enter into the political fray.” This seems to imply that he can enter the fray at a later stage.

It is also interesting to note the advice the President gives as to the nature of the debate: “I believe that such a sensitive subject should be considered with empathy and a sentiment of compassion.” There is more to being human than cold reasoning.

In line with his reasoning, the President recognised the many hard-working single parents who do an excellent job in raising children. I agree. I personally know several separated or divorced people, or who were led by circumstances to live in a relationship without marrying, who admirably fulfil their duties as parents.

I state this without in any way diminishing the exemplary behaviour of myriad married couples or implying that there should not be a legal distinction between married and cohabiting couples.

The President said the questions he raised have become a political priority. I believe they are also a pastoral priority. I hope that as a Christian community we squarely face things as they are and adopt the strategies that will really make us move forward in our desire to strengthen family and marriage.