I’m sitting at 2 22 in Valletta, surrounded by the swanky elegance the place offers, and waiting for Mandy Micallef Grimaud who is the better half of Peppi Azzopardi.

I smell her perfume the minute she hits the parking lot, and five minutes later she walks inside, and I could almost count 22 heads turning around to look at her. Something she is completely oblivious to.

She shows up chicly unstudied, in a figure-hugging black dress and eye-shadow to match, with a genuine Miss America smile that lights up her face like a million Christmas lights on Fifth Avenue. Forget any notions of fur stoles! She sports a faded red leather jacket and a matching handbag to complete the ensemble. Her legs are as long as the Golden Gate, her eyes dark and expressive, and her lips stained with a soft brown lipstick onto which a dab of gloss has been applied. The hair framing her sensual face is jet black, and so perfect not even a tornado could upset.

“Oooh! I’ve always wanted to come here,” she enthuses, as she sits down on a zappy purple rubber chair and takes in her surroundings.

2 22 feels a little bit like bringing the French Riviera to the Valletta bastions. It is designed in a way to attract the “in crowd”, or those who believe they are, and evokes a vampy glamour. The restaurant is based on the lower level, with a row of neatly set tables and chairs bathed in dim lights which change from purple to blue to green. The upper level – the wine lounge area – offers further seating that stretches out to a reasonably sized terrace ideal for late summer parties and private functions. The design is even more avant-garde and hip, and the wall projections of swizzle-stick models on a runway give it a cool, refreshing edge.

We chat for what seems like an hour, during which two young ladies – whom I will refer to as Missy Eliot and Bjork from now on due to some kind of resemblance – come over to take our order at least three times. We finally decide to grab a menu each and I ask Mandy to choose a wine. I’m getting headaches from reds lately, so I secretly wish she chooses a white.

Naturally, she opts for a red! An Argentinean Malbec “Barrel Select” priced at €15.20 which is a top rated wine in the southern hemisphere.

The wine list is endless and offers a great selection. It also includes dessert wines, and for those who love a touch of luxury it even offers Dom Perignon at €198.

On a separate menu card they have more wine recommendations which we happily ignore, and instead get all excited about choosing five different small dishes to go with the wine.

As we perform this little task, Bjork comes running from behind us. The menu is on fire! I had clumsily placed it on the candle. Hmmmm… What an unexpected twist this little fire could have caused to our evening! Thank God for a very alert waitress.

“It’s perfectly okay,” she tells us politely as Missy Eliot comes over to take our order.

An over-the-hill businessman walks past us with a golden-haired creature who looks too tarty to be his wife, and steals a lingering glance at Mandy from the corner of his costly specs. I am waiting for his bimbo to pluck his eyeballs out any minute!

The whole scenario triggers off the first question for my guest. I ask her casually which TV personality she is most likely to get into a catfight with.

“Nobody I can think of,” she admits honestly.

“Okay… I give you two names just for fun, and you have to choose one,” I say persistently. “Rachel Vella? Or Eileen Montesin?”

She thinks about my question for a while, running a hand through the silky mane of cascading black hair in thought. “Rachel perhaps, but only because of the ratings!” she says with a smile.

We speak about more serious stuff while we wait for our food, and one thing I discover… and will uncover… is that Peppi Azzopardi is a true romantic!

Mandy tells me he prepares her Cappuccinos when she comes home, and leaves her love messages in the car, and the occasional rose under the pillow. Wow! I am somehow surprised these things still happen in our modern, fast-paced society. Three cheers for the man – a rare catch indeed!

Bjork and Missy are back with the wine and food. One can’t say they have been to the Swiss school of sommeliers but they are completely adorable, and help each other like two sisters. When I ask some information about the sauces which one struggles to answer, the other comes to the rescue and tells me exactly what I want to know.

2 22 encourages the concept of socialising dining and the wine-lounge menu has probably been designed with sharing in mind. The five dishes look exquisite!

Prawns in filo at €5, pork dumplings at €5.85, a sublime aubergine and tomato bruschetta at €4, chicken satay at €4.75, and finger lickin’ crab claws with tartar sauce at €3.50 – sheer bliss is an understatement!

I look up and notice that the golden-haired creature and Mr Businessman are very occupied with our selection of goodies, and sure enough they would later opt for the same dishes. His eyeballs are still happily fixed to his eye sockets – but bimbo is still on high alert!

I like the food better than the wine, though Mandy seems to enjoy both equally.

After some more chit-chat I excuse myself for the compulsory toilet tour and head for my destination in earnest.

What I find is cool and trendy – black walls and mirrors with a perspex dividing part of the wall between the gents and the ladies in an odd but innovative way. Everything is perfect except for the fact that I can’t find any soap to wash my hands with!

Mandy is finishing off the wine and enjoying the sweeping views of the harbour when I get back.

I decide to interrupt this glorious moment with my last question. I ask her what colour she would dye Peppi’s hair if she had a choice and she tells me she’d probably go for a platinum blond. Okay lady… I know that if you could be a song you would be Madonna’s Sticky & Sweet but don’t let her influence you to that extent. Let’s leave Peppi with his silver hair!

To sum it all up I think the evening is as refreshing as the ambience. 2 22 is one of the trendiest places on this island and offers a cutting-edge design combined with some good food and pleasant atmosphere. It might not be on the cheap side of life – depends what you are looking for – but you will certainly get quality for what you pay. The service is good – especially the young slim man managing the restaurant area – but I would expect a little bit more from such a beautiful place when it comes to serving wine. Though – let truth be told – Missy and Bjork are amazingly alert, and top up our glasses without us having to ask once. Well done, girls!

Mandy takes to the place like Scarlett O’Hara to Rhett Butler (just to continue with the romantic theme) and says she will be back very soon. All xarabanks lead to Valletta!

privateye@timesofmalta.com