I thought the best thing to do in my approaching dotage would be to compile a proper lexicon. My entries are my full responsibility and all are based on useless and odd observations during my life, especially in these last few weeks.
I will, as much as possible, follow an alphabetical listing. Some diligent (better known as petty) word-checkers will point out that some entries are classified according to first name and others according to surnames. Pettiness, like neatness, is hardly my best attribute. So here goes...
A: Austin. Usually refers to bigger mode of transport like bull or bulldozer. Not connected to dozing of any type. Can also, in extreme cases, refer to late buses.
B: Blue. Also name for red. Not to be confused with yellow as yellow is hardly noticeable. Blue is a colour that signifies victory and has been used since days of old. When Malta was under the aegis of Rome it is rumoured that red was deleted from the colour ranges especially when elections were approaching.
C: Carm Mifsud Bonnici. Interesting name for half a minister. Especially when divided magically by a prime minister on orders of a frankly disenchanted MP.
D: Daphne. A name. Just a name. Unmentionable because capable of curses and spells. Also refers to anything which can spell and conjugate properly and has pitch-perfect diction.
E: Engerer Cyrus. Word usually used to convey strong principles and loyalty to all lovers. Official name for turncoat.
F: Franco. For people in a distant age or planet this word in Maltese and English will have various meanings and connotations. Sometimes also refers to name of species which can tease prime ministers as well as leaders of the opposition. Strangely, word also refers loosely to independence, of thought, of ways and of behaviour.
G: GonziPN. Another name for Lazarus and Lawrence. One miracle in a lifetime is enough. Second time even Lazarus when called to come forth would not have believed that the heavily-bandaged, listless blue party could win again.
H: House of Representatives. Sometimes shortened, even officially on vans and cars, to HOR, which sounds too similar to a professional who sells own body for few Euros.
I: Independence. Could mean different things to different inhabitants of Lilliput (see Malta). Sometimes cryptically referred to as Freedom.
J: Jeffrey. Interchangeable with Jesmond and jester. Also used for jealousy and occasionally used for jilted.
K: Kate. Word loosely associated to Gonzi. Together these two words (Gonzi Kate) are interchangeable with faithful, winner and trend-setter. Two Michelles, one the prominent and important Muscat and another, an obscure Obama, followed Kate Gonzi trend to ensure husband a winner and totally subservient.
L: Lawrence. Main name given to steadfastness and some strange malady of chair-hugging. Environmentalists imagine chair should be tree but as we know through our lexicon analysis Kate knows best.
M: Malta. Various definitions can be traced to even older times than Cicero and his honeyed stories. Synonym most apt is Lilliput.
N: NET. Also see One. Most dependable news and balanced programmes. Refers sometimes to stations which no one watches. Not even the mother of the only newscaster.
O: One. Better known as SuperOne. Word means objectivity and balance. See also Net.
P: Piano. A musical instrument with black and white keys. Italian for soft. Also refers to some unknown, unwanted, unlamented Italian architect who designed some new buildings for village in Malta which claims UNESCO recognition.
Q: Qassata. Maltese specialty. No one has a clue what goes in them but somehow all population loves them. People who specialise most in this delicacy are politicians and their close advisers, assistants, consultants and other oddballs around them. Some delusional natives of Malta still believe the term qassata refers to healthy snack.
R: Referendum. Word mostly used for confusion. Interpretations of word's etymology differ but at least one of the few things that is always won by all parties in Lilliput.
S: Saviour. Once, in olden golden days, referred to Dom's mint but now only reference to saviour in connection to Dom is some strange missive which has to be read at a cinema. Today no further meaning for saviour except in devout prayers such as: save us from reading Saviour's writing.
T: TVM. Name for xarabankplus— a strong journalistic (i.e. surreal) voyage. In scenario where all is right, and not perverse, TVM to close and move over to One. (See One)
U: Universal suffrage. The depressing art of giving votes to everyone, including all people who watch Xarabank. In Lilliput voting docs supplied by police obviously to make sure everyone votes a few times.
V: Valletta. Strange, lesser known name for Belt and universally recognised as capital of the known, and unknown, universe. UNESCO heritage site, never sanctioned by MEPA. Notorious for having left carbuncle of an opera house in bombed state for over half a century. Now HORs (see under House of Representatives) to have great site to waddle their wares and abstain heroically away.
W: Wanker F. These two words are sometimes also replaced by much ruder version —Austin. It is highly recommended to avoid using the latter word in society and most definitely at University.
X: Xarabank. In vernacular used for the word buses but mainly known as name for tedium and programme that everybody watches and watches. Known to have more watchers than population and never missed a slot on national TV since La Valette beat the Turks with burning oil.
Y: Yin & Yang. In Asian philosophy used to describe how polar opposites, or seemingly contrary forces, are interconnected and interdependent in the natural world, and how they give rise to each other in turn. Famed Alternattiva linguists say the yin and yang of all politics is how the two big parties exist and co-exist together forming one blue mass of confusion. Needs yellow added to the blue to turn it green and to become really good for the country. Other researchers claim that alternatives are only green with envy at size of votes garnered by main parties and would love to be part of yin or yang and join the bandwagon.
Z: Zammit Dimech. Word for best team player that existed even when out of team. Hard to come by and has to believe blindly in coach even if coach never chooses him.