"Jesus said 'Follow Me'; He did not say..."

Alas, people who catch BBC on Radju Malta will never know what Jesus did not say on this particular occasion. For that sentence was bisected last Saturday when it was time for local programming to begin.

Since the switch system from BBC to local programming is not manual, the chances are that it always takes place during a particularly interesting bit of the relayed transmission.

• When I was still in single digits, I played an April fool's joke that would probably have won me a Best Actress mermaid statuette in the Malta Television Awards. It is not because I was grounded for a month that this incident taught me never again to come up with something similar. It was the reactions of the adults who could not comprehend that it was a joke, for several minutes, despite seeing the 'victim' alive and well.

Practical jokes - or, in the case under discussion, candid camera set-ups - often misfire. Indeed, I had mentioned the skit aired on Xarabank last Friday the first time it was sent to me, in connection with the repetitive series of 'hit and run' pieces, one of which ('starring' Valerie Vella) was aired on the programme.

Although I asked the people behind the series to confirm the premises (in Fgura) where the filming took place, in order to give them the opportunity to comment, I have not received a reply. Does this mean they are sorry they ever started the ball rolling?

There are jokes - and not the long-drawn out, Jeremy Beadle style ones - that can raise laughs without hurting anyone physically, emotionally or financially. It is ironic that most candid camera programmes on local screens see it fit to include a section of gags from other countries. The pratfalls and the slapstick ones, probably, are included to provide the laughs where the local ones do not.

Just for the record, it would be interesting to find out whether Lino Grech's family had been consulted before the sad excuse for a joke (the person to whom he was talking was 'shot' at close range) was carried out.

Is it time for TV station administrations to pull this type of programme, if it offends in this manner?

• What exactly is the reason behind personalities and celebrities being invited to 'hop over' to stations other than those with which they are usually associated? Is this the start of headhunting them to join the crew? Is it exposure of a different kind for the guest, by way of 'brand recognition'? Is it public relations for the programme presenter who hopes that the guest's audience will tune in to the show?

These days, when being a television presenter is directly related to the number of sponsors you can reel in, this is a matter of conjecture.

• A quick click to the website of the Malta Police Force will reveal the word Pulizija written loud and clear in the Maltese version.

Why is it then that most newscasters insist upon saying Puluzija? For the same reason, one must ask why the word prigunieri, which has a totally different connotation from habsin, is used instead of the latter. Does it sound more politically correct, in keeping with the fact that a prison has now become a correctional facility?

One of the of e-mails I received this week pointed out that in a flyer for an English language school, of all places, a 'backseat driver' was referred to as a 'backstreet' one.

There was a time when only sportscasters referred to gows and Munchister United - but this malaise has now struck across the board, with presenters and newscasters alike giving us information about Nicaraguwa, Oksford-shy-er and Worechester-shy-er sauce.

• I remember I had quite a lot to say about the 'deliberate' misinformation (given as a joke) in a children's programme some time ago. Yet I was appalled to see that sometimes, people who are there to edu-tain our children fail miserably in their mission.

A case in point is the mention of Edvard Grieg, who, we were told, 'has written' Peter (instead of Peer) Gynt and who was Danish (in fact he was Norwegian). Actually, he did not write the play himself - Henrik Ibsen did.

So, in conclusion, the children 'learned' that Peer Gynt is 'a musical with many nice songs'. I would say that the presenters of Kaptan Xrink had associated the name of the character in the five-act play with that of the eponymous hero of Sergei Prokofiev.

This is a crying shame, because children deserve to be given correct facts, rather than erroneously slapdash recollections dredged half-heartedly from long-forgotten '365 Things to Know' volumes, and camouflaged with razzmatazz.

Then there was the tiny matter of Norway being given in Maltese as Normandija, when callers had to select the capital city of the country, in the notorious quiz show presented by Augusto Cardinale.

• I am all for the Broadcasting Authority clamping down on programmes in which the close-ups and running commentary disrespect individuals, especially when they are classified as being in a vulnerable position either because they have different needs or because they are still minors.

Yet I think that it is high time the BA, with all the force vested in it, comes down on these individuals, production companies, and indeed television stations, like the proverbial tonne of bricks.

television@timesofmalta.com