All together now: Aaaah! The poor little lambkins are just misunderstood.

That gang of pre-pubescent thugs that have been terrorising Gżira and its environs recently are not thugs at all.

They are just poor misunderstood 'ickle kiddie winks in need of love, hugs and a shrink.

Tell that to the poor sods who have endured a beating at the hands of these otherwise blameless little sweety-pies.

But no, no... we must apparently be tolerant and extend love, not war, in their direction and nurture, not vilify, the poor darlings.

Isn't that the most consoling thing you've heard in ages?

All their anti-social behaviour can be put down to failings in our society at large and has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that they may be evil little people in need of a damn good slapping and a few months banged-up in the nick.

When I read the news recently in The Times, everything sort of fell into place. Yes of course it's not their fault - it's us, the general public. We are to blame.

We are the ones who have ruined Maltese society to the extent that these innocent young children and adolescents go off the rails.

I see it all now: never mind the fact that several decent law-abiding citizens have had their heads kicked in and been beaten to a pulp by these naughty little moppets; simply get the little dears to the nearest psychologist, psychiatrist, priest, counsellor, whatever, then redraw our own social order and all will be solved.

All well and good, but I have another solution - several, in fact. They may not find favour with the criminal psychologists, rage counsellors, delinquency experts, youth behavioural practitioners and naughty kiddy apologists, but here goes anyway...

Firstly, if these children/ youths have so much pent-up aggression coursing through their veins, don't waste time and money on the psychological causes. Instead, why not make some money out of them?

I'll explain: Match up the kids for weight and size, then put them - two at a time - into a cage and let them slug it out between themselves - cage fighter style.

To make money from this you could first of all charge people an admission fee to come and watch, then also allow betting on the outcome. Thus, in one fell swoop, you would solve all their and our problems. Great idea huh?

I see that one of the suggestions put forward as an antidote to all this anti-social behaviour is community service.

Great idea... that is, if the community service envisaged is - shall we say - tailored to fit the crime.

Stuff like catching and dehorning full-grown bulls, or performing night watchman duties at a fireworks factory, or dressing in a bird costume and acting as a decoy in a notorious and well-used kaċċa area.

Rather less extreme would be to simply isolate any perpetrators belonging to gangs. A three-month period spent contemplating their navels on Filfla might be in order.

And if they are still on the lookout for risk and danger, there is always all that reputedly unexploded ordinance over there to keep them on their toes... literally.