Are manners making a comeback? One school has put them on its timetable in a bid to instil an early sense of politeness in its pupils. By Kristina Chetcuti

Human beings did not always shake hands. The handshake was born when fighting was upgraded to more than a scuffle and gentlemen needed to show that their sword hand didn’t have a sword in it. Seeing as these days we don’t carry swords around anymore, is it still important to know when and how to shake hands?

One school in Malta says yes; handshaking and other basic manners are extremely important. So essential, in fact, that Etiquette and Manners lessons have been included in the school timetable.

“We keep noticing, more and more, that people are failing to exercise good manners on a day-to-day basis,” Kenneth Vella, headmaster of Mater Boni Consilii, St Joseph School in Paola, said.

Just take a look around you, he said: when was the last time you were on a bus and someone stood up and gave his or her seat to an elderly person? When was the last time that in a conversation someone actually asked you questions about yourself instead of non-stop talking about themselves? When was the last time you were in a queue and someone let a little old lady first?

“We kept asking ourselves these and other questions,” Dr Vella said. “Social skills and old-school politeness are being lost – to the detriment of society. And we wanted to do something about it.”

The school came up with a plan for a four-year programme – for pupils from Grade 5 to Form 2 – of teaching proper behaviour through drama. Teacher Analise Apap, 27, who was roped in to tackle the issue, felt it was best to teach manners from a young age: “Like that, it becomes natural for them when they grow up because we would have instilled in them an alternative way of behaving.” Her research was based on materials used in American and Scandinavian schools such as Finland.

Social skills and old-school politeness are being lost – to the detriment of society. And we wanted to do something about it

The plan was then proposed to parents. “The response was staggering – we had all-round support and we started last October,” Dr Vella said.

I sat in with a class of 11-year-olds as they tackled the ever-increasing digital environment and how people are choosing to stare at mobile screens in any given situation.

Students were made to act out a role play of a group of friends at a social event, but the friends are more engrossed in their phones than the conversation.

The play is followed by elicited feedback. Did everyone take part in the discussion? “No,” chants the class. Why? “They did not have anything to say”; “Because they were busy looking at their mobile”; “They were not prudent”.

They then discuss times and locations when it is not appropriate to use a phone. Hands are raised in quick succession. “In church,” says one student. “Before you sleep, because it is unhealthy,” says another. “During catechism lessons”; “At a family barbecue”; “At a picnic”; “On the bus – because you’ll miss your stop”; “While we’re during homework”.

Then one girl sums it up: “Miss, you don’t use your mobile when someone is talking to you.”

At the end of the lesson I ask the 11-year-olds what would be the reaction of their parents if when the students went home they told their parents to stop texting. Many were sceptical and shake their heads mournfully: “They don’t really put them away.”

Perhaps the headmaster ought to consider etiquette lessons for adults next scholastic year.

Teacher Analise Apap: Instilling “an alternative way of behaving”.

Do students like their manners lessons?

First-formers were all eager to chat about their lessons on department. “After the lesson on time management, I realised how it was important not to let people wait,” 11-year-old Andrea Zammit said.

Maia Demanuele enjoyed mostly the dining lesson and how sometimes we don’t realise that we’re eating with our mouth open, while Krista Petrila said she learnt how she should not lean over someone’s plate at table when you want to pass something.

Maria Elena Farrugia said that she learnt how to call for a waiter and the importance of showing utmost respect. “I now hate it when I hear people saying ‘Oy’”.

Mattea Galea said the lesson she liked the most was when they discussed what clothes to wear, especially when it’s okay to wear shorts.

Katrina Bartolo, who patiently waited her turn, said the Etiquette lessons made her realise how you should not interrupt but wait for your turn, “Even though most people never give you a chance to say anything.”

Topics discussed at St Joseph School

■ How to be on time and manage time;

■ How to greet people;

■ How to order at restaurants and manners when dining out;

■ How to respectfully disagree with someone and not interrupt;

■ How to behave when someone humiliates you in public;

■ How to be a good guest and a good host;

■ Online etiquette;

■ Clothes etiquette;

■ How to sneeze.

Origins of Etiquette

Manners got a boost in the 16th century, initially with The Book of the Courtier, written by Baldassare Castiglione, an Italian diplomat from Urbino. He was particularly keen on the concept of sprezzatura – which means you should be polite, but you shouldn’t advertise your politeness, and instead veil it in a kind of nonchalance. Another best seller in those times was A Handbook on Good Manners for Children, written in Latin by the Dutch theologian Erasmus, in 1530; it went into 130 editions over 300 years and was reprinted in English a few years ago.