Pet’s Plates
Posh Kebab
Pama Shopping Village
Tel 2349 6000
Food: 6/10
Location: 5/10
Service: 5/10
Value: 7/10
Overall: 6/10
In post-World War II Europe, Turkish immigrant workers brought the kebab to West Berlin. From there, the concept of the kebab shop spread like wildfire. Grossing over three billion annually, the kebab industry means business. Associations such as that of the European Turkish Doner Manufacturers have been launched in order to endorse the humble kebab and to safeguard the industry’s workers.
The kebab is a nocturnal animal. The world over, it is the high-fat snack many of us stick into our faces following a bibulous evening. Since the early 1970s, it has been considered the ultimate late-night tummy-filler and remains one of the most popular fast food dishes. Nonetheless, the appreciation and enjoyment of a truly good kebab requires no intoxication whatsoever. If made well, a kebab can make the most perfect meal; delicious in its own right.
Posh Kebab is engulfed by the enormity of the Pama Shopping Village, and is frequently jam-packed. Like moths to a flame, the Maltese congregate at this kebab house – some finding the food so irresistible they are lured here before even starting their shopping.
The incongruous name of this Turkish joint still remains an unfathomable mystery to me. With its fascinatingly mismatched decor and tables covered in scenes of Malta, it is far from being a ‘posh’ eatery. I don’t mean this as a criticism; merely as a point of fact. Neither is the food served remotely ‘posh’. It is honest, food served in big, hefty portions; to be admired for its flavour rather than for its finesse or fine presentation.
Elsewhere, kebabs are enjoying a renaissance of their own and moving up in the world, graduating to the plane of elevated food. Following the fate of hot dogs and hamburgers before them, kebabs are going gastro. Indeed, gastro ’babs are the new gastro pubs. In certain London establishments it is now possible to sample a gourmet kebab or a truly posh pita, comprising ethically-sourced veal shoulder with dill and mint tzatziki, along with original creations such as roe deer shish and lamb offal flatbread. Who knows, very soon truffles or foie gras may also work their way into a pita!
Three people can eat substantially for around €25 and portions are extremely generous
I myself have always been partial to a pita. A large basket of traditional tombik, the Turkish pita bread, welcomes you at Posh’s entrance. The menu is typical of most kebab houses, comprising a hearty selection of shish kebabs and doner kebabs served alongside salad or sliced into tombik or wraps, together with burgers and Turkish pide (similar to pizza) thrown in for good measure.
Shish kebab refers to a variety of grilled meat that has been skewered and roasted. The mixed shish kebab comprising chicken and beef came accompanied by several salads of choice and nicely fried chips. The beef was flavourful but slightly tough, while some pieces of chicken were somewhat fatty.
The salads were crisp and extremely fresh, bursting with flavour. The selection seemed endless: tabbouleh, pungent with parsley leaves; a delicious Turkish white bean salad and a creamy courgette salad that was absolutely heavenly. We tore away pieces of tombik and mopped up all the juices. This grilled, pillowy flat bread was a bit gummy but tasted good.
Lamb is a stalwart of Turkish cuisine. I was keen to try the lamb doner wrap, which meant facing the elephant (leg) in the room. And by that I refer to the monstrous hunk of meat rotated slowly on a vertical rotisserie in front of a grille, from which my meat was cut away in thin slices. The term doner kebab quite literally means ‘rotating roast’.
The lamb shavings were incredibly leathery and quite tasteless. They weren’t crisp or juicy and the texture was terrible.
The meat, some couscous and salad was layered and rolled in soft lavash flatbread. The chilli sauce I requested added a kick. Other than that, only the salad livened up the dull flavour strata. There was no joy, no savoury umami, to be had from the meat.
In Turkey, the doner kebab traditionally consists of a mound of marinated sliced meat that is served with vegetables and rice. Perhaps I’d enjoy this version better. Perhaps it is the stacked meat cone’s unfortunate resemblance to an elephant leg that I find unsettling.
We also ordered some chicken shish, which we asked to be sliced into a tombik together with salad and yoghurt. I wanted it to be filling, spicy and satisfying, but it was, alas, rather dry. The tasty salad was, again, the saving grace – emboldening the otherwise subdued flavours.
I wanted to taste some traditional Turkish sweets. The sekerpare was awful, and quite inedible. The almond-based pastry crumbled away and was the consistency of sickly sweet sand in the mouth. The baklava was much nicer.
The quality of our meal had been pretty average. This is fast food and it is cheap. Three people can eat substantially for around €25 and portions are extremely generous. We’ve got many kebab joints in Malta, and Posh Kebab, despite its flaws, is up there with the better ones. It’s not gastro. It’s certainly not posh. But it is good enough.
This Turkish joint is spotlessly clean from the floors, to the tables and food counters. The table tops gleam and the glass counters sparkle. This would be a welcome sight in any eatery, but it is especially cheering in a kebab joint. These places are plagued with a reputation for being grimy. There have been terrifying tales of cockroaches, salmonella and putrid meat. This is hardly good for the kebab business.
Posh Kebab may boast a silly name but it is certainly not one of these places. There was one incident, though, that filled me with dread. One particular member of staff was wearing disposable gloves. Very hygienic, I thought. I had already been impressed by the absolute cleanliness of the place.
This man was wearing his disposable gloves and handling the cash. Wearing the very same gloves, he then proceeded to serve food, piling salads and pieces of meat onto plates and even folding up a wrap! It was a scene of hair-raising proportions. The waiting staff were utterly lovely and courteous, but I couldn’t get over the man with the gloves.
I left with a bad taste in my mouth.
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