Back in my teenage years I had a lingering dilemma. Then again who didn't at that age? I struggled endlessly with the decision of what I wanted to do with my life. For a good part of my childhood I honestly believed that I could become a detective or a private investigator... of the Miami Vice or Cagney and Lacey type. But once I outgrew that illusion, I was left with nothing, with no direction and no inclination towards any profession whatsoever.
My mother is a hairdresser and my father a business man... of the slowly but surely type. In their own way they both pulled strings to get me to follow in their footsteps, but as life would have it, I was a rebellious child who opposed their suggestions just for the heck of it.
Then one day, as I sat watching some inane TV my thoughts drifted to my future. What will I do? What will I be? Or rather, what did I want to do, what did I want to be?
At that time there was nothing that I enjoyed more than watching TV. It was my one and only passion. I watched anything - from frivolous and mindless shows, to heavy blood-teeming documentaries, and the daily news. I watched for the sake of watching, turning my attention span on and off on demand.
And that's when it hit me! I wanted to work in TV. I wanted to create great TV productions - drama, quiz shows, and investigative documentaries. I wanted to go to America, to Hollywood, to meet my idols and come back with a wealth of knowledge and to transform our local TV!
Little did I know that this was an even greater illusion than that of wanting to become a private investigator/detective of the Miami Vice and/or Cagney and Lacey type so, I pursued it. I took on the only media-related course I could find on the island, and went on to read a University of London Masters Degree in Media Studies... of course specialising in Television Production. To cut a long story short, I came back from London feeling like I could produce a Boeing, but could only get my hands on a paper plane.
So I moved on. I relinquished my TV dream and embarked onto a marketing career - television's cousin I thought. I stayed away from the small screen and secretly resented it. I lay low whilst keeping abreast with what was happening in the local television scene, but I never so much as lifted a finger to get involved in it. I hoped that one day it will develop enough for me to get my Boeing skills in.
Then, recently, just as I was getting my hopes up, I came across a circular which The Broadcasting Authority sent to all broadcasting stations. It single handedly explains why I have sentenced my hopes of getting involved in local TV productions to a life in prison... without the possibility of parole!
Ċirkulari lill-Istazzjonijiet tat-Televiżjoni u tar-Radju
Reklam ta' Prodott tal-Made in America
Nixtieq niġbdilkom l-attenzjoni li r-reklam ta' prodott ta' Made in America li fih jingħad hekk:
"Made in America, ikabbar 3 inch u jwessa' 1 inch, għall-irġiel, u int taf xi jfisser (tinstema' mużika) (ikompli l-voice over) ... ċempel 79555535 u int taf xi jfisser, m'għandux l-approvazzjoni tal-Awtorità tax-Xandir biex jixxandar fuq il-mezzi tax-xandir fl-ebda ħin tal-gurnata. Għaldaqstant, ngħarrafkom biex dan ma jibqax jixxandar għaliex inkun kostrett li noħroġ akkuża fil-konfront tal-istazzjon.
Ngħarrafkom ukoll li l-verżjoni l-oħra tar-reklam tal-istess prodott ta' Made in America li fih jingħad hekk:
"Made in America. Ikabbar il-parti intima għall-irġiel. U int taf xi jfisser" jista' jixxandar biss wara d-21.00. Dan jgħodd kemm għar-radju kif ukoll għat-televiżjoni.
Jekk dan ma jiġix osservat, ikolli noħroġ l-akkuża relevanti.
A copy of the statement can be found here: http://www.alisonbezzina.com/int-taf-xi-jfisser/
English Translation:
Circular to all TV and Radio Stations
Advert of Made in America Product
I would like to draw your attention to the advert of Made in America which says:
"Made in America, enlarges by 3 inches and widens by 1 inch, for men, and you know what that means (music) (voice over continues)....call 7955535 and you know what that means", does not have the approval of the Broadcasting Authority to be broadcast on the media at any time of day. Moreover, I would like to inform you that this is not to be broadcasted as I will be compelled to issue a charge against the station.
Also be informed that the other version of the advert of the same product - Made in America which says:
"Made in America. Enlarges the male intimate part. And you know what that means" can be broadcasted only after 21:00. This applies for both radio and television.
If this is not observed, I will have to issue the relevant charges.