I'm sitting at the window of probably the Southern-most hotel in the world, with the sun streaming in, having just had a look at the papers online, amongst which this august one, and I came across a piece about how the low-cost airlines are going to object to some bunch of Eurocrat mandarins about the fact that the Government is going to be allowed to chuck Air Malta a lifeline.

Precisely what this is going to achieve is not entirely clear, since it was a bunch of Eurocrat mandarins that allowed this in the first place and I hardly think that anyone is going to jump backwards just because a bunch of cheap hauliers started squealing.

That said, when any of these cheapo-cheapo outfits stamps its little foot and demands more subsidies, favours and hand-outs, regional and other Governments merely seem to say "how high" on the way up, so it's hardly surprising that they think that bitching and moaning to Europe about this too might actually get them somewhere and force Air Malta into liquidation, thereby removing a competitor from the scene.

Hey, guys, yes, you, the ones who run these cheap excuses for customer service-oriented industries, also known as the knights in shining armour who bring low-cost travel to the masses, allowing said masses to broaden their horizons by jetting off to different countries, there to eat fish and chips and drink beer.

I object too.

Not to state-aid being given to Air Malta, or to any of the other real European airlines who were given it without their Governments even going through the motions.

Nope, I object to the way cheap and tawdry companies like yours fleece customers at every opportunity demanding payment for the privilege of paying you, payment for the privilege of - surprise, surprise - having luggage, demanding payment to change flights, demanding payment to check-in and payment, for all I know, to breathe the air on the planes, assuming you haven't found a way to re-cycle your own Managing Directors' hot air to heat the things in the first place and charged us for that bodily function also.

I also object to the fact that you advertise that you land in London, say, when you actually land in flipping Stansted, which any Londoner knows is virtually in Scotland (it's North of the M25, which puts it near Hadrian's Wall effectively)

I also object to the fact that your time-tables are merely indications of the general time of day in which you might expect to put a plane in the vague vicinity of where I need it to be, always assuming that it wasn't delayed in some other prime location like Brno or Bratislava West (the airport for Rome or something)

Want some more objections? How about the one that relates to the fact that your whole operation is geared to making you money, more money and even more money on top of that and that staff welfare comes somewhere just above passenger welfare, which means somewhere below any point in the scale of things that gives it more importance than garbage disposal.

And what about the objection that relates to the fact that you get state-aid every time you land here and don't pay full landing charges or get a nice little back-hander?

Out of my taxes?

Get the point, anyone? Low-cost airlines give a service, true enough, but anyone with any sense uses them exactly the same way certain people use providers of other "services", to relieve a need and because they're conveniently placed. Given a choice, I would use a normal airline, and with judicious choice, the costs need not be astronomical.

And just a note to Malta's hoteliers, who just love to bitch and moan about everything the Government does or, more aptly, fails to do to ensure that they can milk every last cent out of their victims. I'm travelling around Argentina at the moment, where the roads are rubbish and the infrastructure not exactly brilliant, and I'm enjoying every minute of it and will recommend the place to anyone at the drop of a hat.

Why?

One of the reasons is that the hotels are superb, nothing is too much trouble and the customer is king. Can all Malta's hoteliers say that they've got this down pat?

I don't think so.