OK, nightmare scenario: he’s kicked out of Libya and turns up at MIA in a Lear jet – or, knowing his fear of flying, in Grand Harbour – asking for political asylum. What do we do?

I’m assuming here that we don’t even have a plan A, let alone a plan B. Can you imagine the hoo-ha?

Who goes to meet him? Should he be greeted officially? Should the VIP lounge be made available to him? Should he be allowed to skip passport control?

Well, I have actually thought this one through, and as I see it there are several ways of dealing with the problem. And so – with my public service hat on – I’d like to take you through a few possible ways of dealing with this (unwelcome) guest.

Number one, or if you prefer, Plan A, and this is the ‘solution’ the government would probably go for: Ignore him! Do exactly what they’ve done with the two Mirage jet fighter planes: simply do nothing and hope the problem will simply resolve itself, or just… go away.

Now, even I can see that this is a pretty negative and ultimately futile exercise, so here are a few more options.

Option two: Send him straight on to Brussels, with a note pinned to his robes telling his mate Johnny Dalli to deal with him. Makes sense no?

And still with his friends – or, as he prefers to call them, brothers – in mind, how about option three: Tell KMB to take him in as a paying lodger. Or, if our erstwhile prime minister doesn’t want the sole responsibility of hosting a loony for an indefinite period of time, he could put him up at his place for six months, then get dear old Dom to welcome him to The Olives for the next six.

If we are honest, we don’t really want the old freak here for even one day, let alone the rest of his life, so let’s examine some more possible – and less accommodating – solutions to his sudden manifestation on our shores.

Option four: How about giving him permission to erect his tent on the St Venera bypass, and only close the road to private cars and motorcycles; subtle right?

Or even subtler, we could cede the island of Filfla to him… after making sure there were a few more examples of unexploded ordnance littering the place.

Or if that’s a bit too violent for your sensibilities, what about welcoming him in, then trying to cash in on the fact by accommodating him in one of those disused animal cages in San Anton Gardens. Think of the tourism possibilities: ‘Roll up, roll up, come and see the untamed, incoherent ex dictator!’

Charge a couple of euros for the privilege and I reckon it would boost both the national coffers and the arrivals figures tenfold.

Protocol and certainly decorum may suggest a more humane method of dealing with the problem. So we may end up sticking him in a cell in the secure wing of Mount Carmel and throwing away the key. I think that idea might get a fair bit of support.

What I haven’t looked at yet is the possibility of not hosting him at all. The president of Venezuela Hugo Chavez has offered him a bed in that weird South American ‘democracy’; maybe we could palm him off on the poor old Venezuelans.

Or what about ushering him towards the usual mecca (pun intended) of ex-dictators, Saudi Arabia? It seems – and has seemed in the past – to be the logical ending-up place of most out-of-work tyrants: Idi Amin of Uganda and, just recently, Zine El Abidene Ben Ali, the erstwhile Tunisian despot. Surely they’ve got room for just one more.

Bottom line: We could simply refuse him permission to land, suggesting he flies or sails on to Sicily and the bosom of his sybaritic buddy Silvio on the perfectly plausible grounds that psychiatric care is so much better in Italy.

And then, of course, the actions of his own countrymen may preclude the necessity for any of the above.