Donna Anne Pace with a copy of her book The Reinvention of Me.

A woman who lived in fear of her husband from dawn to dusk is sharing the story of how she ended an abusive 18-year marriage that was taking its toll on her children and her mental health.

Donna Anne Pace hopes that the very personal account will help other domestic violence survivors take the seemingly impossible step that could save their lives.

Born to a Maltese father, Ms Pace currently lives in the UK but she spent some years in Malta when she got married here. “From the moment I got married, my life changed. It was from this point on that my husband started to become controlling, manipulative, jealous and possessive. I did not want to end the marriage straight away as we both had to get to know each other better and work through the good times and bad,” she told The Sunday Times of Malta.

She claims that when she first became a mother in 1996, she felt isolated and was even made to feel guilty about socialising with friends and family. “I quit my job after only two months as my husband wanted to drop me off to work and pick me up every day, which made me feel like a child,” she said, adding her husband kept track of her whereabouts by calling or texting her.

The monitoring, she recounted, continued at home, where she was followed around the house and could not sit at the computer unattended. Her bags and diaries were continuously monitored. 

After moving to the UK in 2005, Ms Pace reached out to The Sunday Times of Malta appealing for help in finding a bone marrow donor for her seriously ill son Jamie. The boy, who was born in Malta in 1998, suffered from an extremely rare blood disorder called Fanconi Anaemia.

Jamie sadly died in 2010 after battling his illness for five years, and four years later his mother found enough courage to file for divorce. “After losing my son, I realised more than ever how fragile life is and I just wanted to start living my life my way, without living in fear from morning to night.”

I realised more than ever how fragile life is

But she felt that her world was falling apart around her, and she eventually developed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, with her mental health later being compounded by a physical ailment.

“I reached a point where I felt I could no longer cope and thought of ending my life. But then I thought about my beloved son Jamie and my other five kids, and decided to put together a plan to change my life.”

Ms Pace realised that putting down her ordeal in words could help her start coming to terms with her fears and mental health issues.

The Reinvention of Me, about her “journey of self-discovery in a disenchanted world” following “years of abuse, social neglect, bereavement and fractured love” took her a year to complete. She believes everyone has a story to tell and some endure more than others. 

“How much would someone be willing to sacrifice their own emotional and physical well-being before breaking their silence? How difficult would it be for someone to be faced with such traumatic life experiences, and yet have their own family disown them,” she asked.