After reading many letters, Talking Points and comments concerning the divorce debate I was personally led to ask a pivotal question: Is the family still important in our society? If yes, how are we going to consolidate it?
In one of his much-spoken-of collection of open letters to illustrious writers, fictional characters and historical figures of the past, namely to the faithful Penelope, the Patriarch of Venice, Albino Luciani, (later Pope John Paul I), identifies four problems that endanger the marital commitment. Through his simplicity, humanity and warmth, “the Pope of goodness and of the smile”, humbly offers his own suggestions to cure these secret wounds that deteriorate the marital covenant.
The first obstacle he detects is infidelity. The latter is combated if the spouses avoid occasions that are potentially harmful to their faithful community of love. Making his own Saint Frances de Sales quote, Cardinal Luciani says: “Arouse love, isn’t that it? But no one deliberately arouses it, without remaining, necessarily, caught by it; in this game, the catcher is caught”.
The second obstacle is monotony. Life gets boring when there is too much of the same. But Luciani goes on: “Are there remedies against this kind of danger? Yes: the sense of our dependence on God; prayer, which supplies what our weakness lacks; the art of renewing one’s own love: let the husband continue to pay his wife some court; and let the wife try always to flatter the husband, with attention and kindness”.
The third obstacle is jealousy. By quoting again Saint Francis de Sales, Cardinal Luciani provides an alternative remedy: “It is a foolish way of flaunting love, choosing to exalt it through jealousy; jealousy is, yes, an index of the greatness and power of love, but not of its goodness, purity and perfection. In fact, he who has perfect love is sure the beloved is virtuous and faithful; he who is jealous suspects the fidelity of the beloved… Jealousy ends by spoiling the substance of love, because it produces disagreements and arguments”.
The ultimate obstacle to marital love is precisely futile arguments and disagreements. The Patriarch of Venice, while acknowledging that even the best of husbands and wives undergo moments of fatigue and bad humour, comments: “Is he dark and frowning? This is the moment for her to be radiant with sweetness. Are her nerves on edge, is she tired? Now it is his turn to remain calm, waiting for the moment to pass. The important thing is that his nerviness should not occur at the same time as hers, should not overlap it; otherwise there is a short circuit, sparks fly, words slip out, sometimes words all too true, with that sad truth that produces disappointments, bitterness, secret wounds … In this case the other partner can only summon up his or her courage and try to hold the monopoly on patience!”.
Healing the aforementioned obstacles is vital towards the strengthening of the Maltese family. When visiting Perth (Australia), Pope John Paul II eloquently said: “As the family goes, so goes the nation, and so goes the whole world in which we live)”.
Those who have ears to hear, let them hear (see Mk 4, 9)”.