If you thought football was a funny old game then boxing is downright hilarious.

Rumours are circulating that Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield could be about to drag their creaking bodies back into the ring for a rematch despite a combined age of 86.

If this fight goes ahead it will be the third time the two boxers have met. Holyfield won the first bout in 1996 and he took the second by default a year later when Tyson got an attack of the munchies midway through and bit off a chunk of his opponent's ear.

At the time the two men were at their peak and both fights were massively popular with boxing fans around the globe. A real clash of the heavyweight titans.

But any third bout coming, as it would, more than a decade later, would be little more than an excuse to make money... and a rather poor excuse at that.

Although Evander, now 45, has continued to dabble in the sport, Tyson, now 41, has spent most of the last decade popping in and out of prison and in and out of bankruptcy.

Describing Tyson as being slightly out of condition would be like describing Roman Abramovich as slightly rich. The man who remains the youngest ever heavyweight champion is, these days, just heavy.

Crucially, however, Tyson is spectacularly broke. Despite earning enough money in his lifetime to buy himself a small country, he is now completely broke and is waging a constant war against his creditors.

And, for that reason more than any other, the fight might just materialise.

The stupid twist is that despite being a ridiculous concept and an insult to boxing, the rematch would probably be the biggest event in the sport's history.

Television stations would be falling over each other to snap up the rights, fans would be fighting in the streets for tickets and millions of neutrals would tune-in out of sheer, morbid curiosity.

Cynics out there may suggest talk about the fight is little more than an Evander-backed scam to sell more copies of his autobiography which was, coincidentally, released at the same time the rumours started. And they are probably right.

Personally, I am undecided as to whether it should go ahead. Part of me hopes nothing comes of this and these two legends of the sport realise that the money isn't worth the potential humiliation and the inevitable personal injury.

But another, stronger, part of me wants to see them dust off their gloves, suck in their stomachs and stomp around the ring like a couple of extras from Jurassic Park.

It won't be pretty. It won't be classic. But it sure as hell will be good viewing...

Becks to the future

According to Fabio Capello, David Beckham is in serious contention to win his 100th cap against France later this month.

"There is a strong possibility that he will be selected," the Italian said earlier this week.

As much as I would like to see that happen, and as much as I think Goldenballs deserves the honour, I have to say that as selections go, it leaves me a little confused.

When Beckham was left out of Capello's first game in charge against Switzerland last month it was, according to the manager himself, purely because the player lacked match fitness.

Fair enough. But the season has still not got underway in the US and doesn't until after the France game so how can Beckham's fitness have reached sufficient levels for a recall?

He has played a few overseas friendlies since then and has another against FC Dallas on March 15, but trotting around the pitch avoiding injury in meaningless encounters surely doesn't help a player reach peak fitness. That only comes from competitive matches.

When Capello took the decision to leave Becks out of his first squad I felt for the player but understood the reasoning. And I also welcomed the fact that we seemed to have a manager who was going to chose players on the basis of fitness and form rather than reputation or sentimentality.

Yet, just a few weeks down the line, the hardline stance seems to have all but evaporated.

Like everybody else who has watched Beckham give his all for his country over the last decade, I desperately want to see him reach the magic ton.

But I think the decision to recall him would have considerably more credibility if it came later in the year when David is playing regularly and - hopefully - well for his club.

Final venue is Russian roulette

As things stand there is now a very good chance this year's Champions League final will be an all-English affair.

Arsenal, Manchester United and Chelsea are already through to the quarter-finals and Liverpool are very much in the driving seat against Inter.

That's not to belittle the challenge of teams like Barcelona or Roma. But sheer weight of numbers means an all-England showdown is a realistic proposition.

Putting aside the fact that this will make the contest exceedingly dull to the rest of Europe, there is another issue it raises which is of even more concern. The venue.

UEFA, in its infinite wisdom, allocates the final to a particular stadium months in advance of knowing who will actually be in it. In this case it will be held in Russia.

So that means should Arsenal and Chelsea, for example, make it through you will have 50,000 supporters from England travelling all the way to Moscow for the game.

Not only is that a ludicrous waste of money for the fans who will have to spend fortunes on tickets, flights and accommodation, it surely can't be healthy for the environment either.

In fact the only winners really are airlines and businesses in Moscow. Everybody else loses.

In my mind it would make much more sense to have a pool of possible final venues and then pick one when you have a clearer idea of who will be playing the match.

An all-English tie held in Paris, for example, would be considerably more logical. As would Lisbon or Madrid. Or, why the devil not, London itself.

We know for a fact that all the logistics of hosting a big match can be organised in weeks - that's how the earlier rounds of the competition work - so don't tell me it would be impossible to plan a final at relatively short notice.

Then again, my suggestion would probably have an adverse affect on the finances surrounding the game with less time to sell adverts and woo sponsors in the chosen city.

And I can't see UEFA putting the fans before finance. Can you?

Alan's losing the plot

Quote of the week has to go to West Ham manager Alan Curbishley who, after watching his team get spanked 4-0 by 10-man Chelsea, said: "If you took the goals out of it, I think it was pretty even."

No doubt he must have been equally overjoyed with their next match against Liverpool which they also lost 4-0.

That's the sort of run of "evenly matched" games that traditionally ends in relegation...

Your say

Ronald Cassar, via email, writes:

"I'm an avid reader of your columns. I find them informative and refreshing with a twist of humour along the way. But last Sunday's piece about Liverpool and Rafa Benitez is way out of order. Either you don't have enough information about Liverpool or you don't follow Liverpool closely to come out with that conclusion.

Benitez inherited a lot of dead wood from the Gerard Houllier era and he had to move them out in a period of time since he doesn't have the financial clout of Manchester United or Chelsea. He's been in the job for four years now and in the previous three years he managed to get Liverpool to two European Cup finals (something which Alex Ferguson could not manage in 22 years) and an FA Cup final win along with Super Cup and Charity Shield triumphs.

In the league it's a different story because Benitez is not on a level playing field with Chelsea and Man. United. They have more resources and had the time to build strong squads. Even Wenger, although he did not spend millions like Chelsea and Man. Utd, at least had time on his side.

So, to judge Benitez, we have to give him time to assemble a decent squad that will play to his tactics. Regards rotation, Benitez always rotated his teams in Spain and it brought him unparallelled success with Valencia. The problem is he didn't have a strong enough squad at his disposal even though he is always building, slowly but surely.

The off-field problems that engulfed Liverpool this season also didn't help, so maybe we would see a stronger challenge from Liverpool next season.

I know, expectations are always high for Liverpool, it comes with the territory, after all they are the most successful and decorated team in English soccer history."

sportscolumnist@timesofmalta.com