"I see they are bringing down the speed limit to 60 miles an hour."

"Kilometres."

"What?"

"They are bringing it down to 60 kilometres an hour."

"Bis-serjetà?"

"Absolutely."

"Good grief! That's almost walking pace."

"And it could get worse. I am strongly predicting an eventual speed limit of zero kilometres per hour."

"What then? Will we all have to drive everywhere in reverse?"

"I blame the EU."

"So do I... er, why?"

"Nanny state mentality. It's all about control, isn't it?"

"Is it? Er, yes, of course it is."

"And deception."

"Deception er... how come?"

"Haven't you heard? They are even thinking of setting up dummy speed cameras around the island."

"Really? So does that mean we'll then be getting dummy citations for dummy speeding offences?"

"No such luck, although a few dummy local wardens would be nice."

"I thought we had them already."

"No. The ones we have now are just dumb... well, most of them are."

"I am foreseeing some ab-solutely horrendous traffic snarl-ups on our already congested and multi-potholed roads."

"Yes, the whole thing really is becoming very, very silly. It really does seem that every time the government wants to raise a bit of cash, they sting the poor old motorist."

"Well, the theory holds that if you can afford a car, you can afford to be ripped-off by the state... yet again!"

"I reckon it's just another one of those government schemes to try to force us all onto the dreadful public transport system."

"Can you imagine the chaos if every commuter on the islands suddenly swapped their car for a bus journey to and from work each day?"

"Absolute hell!"

"Personally I wouldn't mind so much if we had any decent roads to under speed on; but the current proliferation of cratered highways would be an embarrassment to even basket-case countries like Haiti or Zimbabwe!"

"I'm certainly glad I don't drive a Smart Car or anything smaller. On a wet day you'd run the risk of drowning in a pothole that had become a lagoon. It really is ridiculous."

"I read the other day that in Malta have the worst roads system in the entire western world... including Gozo."

"Not surprised; but where did you read that then?"

"Oh I dunno. Somewhere... Rubberwear Weekly, I think it was called. All about tyre wear... and stuff."

"Oh right."

"Of course it's all the government's fault. We poor drivers are expected to negotiate - on a daily basis - a complex slalom of potholed highways. And all the government is capable of doing is sticking up great stone willies in the middle of roundabouts, whose only purpose is to make my wife dissatisfied and me envious."

"Couldn't agree more. And look at Msida roundabout."

"What about it?"

"Well just look at it! They've been trying to stop it flooding for as many years as I've been alive."

"And that's a long time."

"It's a very long time - and look at it. One short sharp shower and the only way you'll get through there is by submarine. Do you remember my cousin, Dennis?"

"Not recently, no."

"Last year, he nearly drowned at the Msida roundabout."

"No!"

"As I live and breathe. He was peddling his bike really fast, because he thought if he peddled hard through the flash flood, his extra speed would carry him through."

"And did it?"

"Not really. Like I told you... he nearly drowned. And where were our brave local wardens then? That's what I'd like to know."

"But he didn't drown then."

"Not drowned, no. A gust of wind swept him up and onto the hammer on the shoulder of the statue of the worker and his mate in the middle of the roundabout."

"That was lucky."

"Well, sort of. He had to stay up on top of the statue for two days before the waters subsided. Then when they did and he tried to climb down, he fell off the statue and... "

"Died?"

"Very much so, yes."

"I blame the EU.

"And so say all of us."