In the 1960s, research regarding the top 10 stressors of our lives showed that the loss of a spouse was at the top of the list. Again, in the 1980s, when this type of research was repeated by two different psychologists, loss of a spouse was number one.

Other stressors had changed; some had gone down the list, such as divorce and separation. This showed that we perceived divorce to be a higher stressor in the 1960s than it was in the 1980s.

However, losing a husband or wife remained high on our list of stressful events. Always near the top was losing a close family member. Hence my concept of loss in this week’s article, a concept I want to link to the stress we feel and how to deal with that stress.

Whenever we lose something we become stressed. The stress we feel then causes other problems, usually health problems, in our lives. Initially, consider what might be lost in your life which would result in serious stress. Make a list, and rate each item on the list from one to 10, with 10 representing the most stressful event, and one being the least stressful.

Here is my example of what might be on your list. Some of my list you will already have lost, some may never happen, while others may be in the future. You will be prepared for the loss if carrying out this exercise.

The list will include:

Mother, father, wife, husband, son, daughter, a very close friend, another close family member, family pet, your job through redundancy or being asked to leave, your home through bad debts or other circumstances.

In addition, losing your eyesight, a limb, your sanity, an ability to do something through ill-health can also be classed as a serious loss. All of these could represent the most serious, while the next list can represent the not so serious but still be temporarily stressful.

Car keys, door keys, mobile phone, diary or address book, purse or wallet, credit cards, phone charger. The following are even less serious, but could cause more frustration than stress.

Favourite CD, a book you were reading or studying from, a file or document on your computer, an item of clothing or shoes, an item you use personally such as make-up or a razor.

I am sure you can add more to these lists. It would be a helpful exercise to write them down, in three lists, and then rate them as I have described above. Why am I suggesting this? It is all related to stress levels in your life.

If you are experiencing a stressful time at the moment, a time when you think nothing is going to solve the problems, nobody can understand the stress you are feeling, then make this list.

It can be extremely therapeutic, especially when you begin to rate the stressors from one to 10.

In addition, you can add another column to your list. In this column you would write the result of what happened one year after the stressful events you have experienced in the past.

For example, on a serious note, if one year ago you lost your job, where are you now? On a less serious occasion, if one year ago you lost your car keys, what happened, do you even remember the occasion?

By doing this you can see that many (and I am not saying all) of the events which made you stressed were not even worth getting stressed about. Some stressful events even turn out to be life-changing experiences and change your life, or your outlook, for the better.

However, only time will show this, you can never foresee this happening especially when you are feeling so stressed that you can’t even think straight.

Remember when we get stressed, the bodily systems kick in and the ‘fight or flight syndrome’ causes a variety of reactions such as high blood pressure and sweating. The non-vital systems of the body shut down temporarily, such as the bowel; muscles tighten ready for action and a whole host of bodily reactions which I have described in the past about stress reactions.

These stress reactions are what cause the common diseases of our century such as heart disease, diabetes, cancer and the common conditions such as constipation, neck and back tension and lack of sleep.

If we can find a way of controlling how we respond to loss in our lives then we can reduce the stress reactions to ourselves and hopefully improve our health.

Remember serious stress can cause skin conditions, irritability and most importantly a low immune system.

When reflecting on the very important part loss plays in our lives it becomes clear that any form of loss is a stress causing event. However, it is how you deal with that loss that will get you through it.

kathryn@maltanet.net