Let it be known that I will forgive anyone anything if only they can make me laugh.
I have lost many an argument because of good comic timing on my opponent's part. In simple terms, I'm a sucker for quick wit and satire, and a host of exes will, hand on heart, vouch for this.
I'm also attracted to endless and useless argumentation, so in my younger years, I was seriously tempted to take up Law. I thought that it would expose me to many a litigator's mental power and provide me with brainy opportunities to expose my sharp wit. Instead, for reason unbeknown to man, I got into marketing. Some might argue that there's absolutely no difference between the two professions, and except for the court sittings, I would probably agree.
As a desperate latch to my childhood dream of becoming the next Ally McBeal, I follow the court reports on the media very closely. I find that it satisfies not only my insatiable love for argumentation, but also my morbid sense of humour. With ridiculous punishments for ridiculous crimes, incredulous waste of time and legal nitpicking, court stories give me an absurd rush.
Last week for instance, I read about a mechanical plough that had been stolen from a room on a farm, and then returned to its rightful owner for servicing. Not only was this turn of events funny in itself (I mean what are the odds, and how unlucky can one be?) but even the magistrate's verdict had me doubling over in perverse fits of laughter.
Apparently, this is what happened -a mechanical plough was stolen from the Pulis family and the thief is still at large. A certain Mr. Callus claimed to have bought the plough for Lm512 from an Arab. The Arab had told Mr. Callus that he had bought the plough from a retiring farmer.
Mr. Callus then sold the plough to Mr. Spiteri, who in turn took it back to the Pulis family for servicing, since the Pulis family are also the local agents for this brand of ploughs. The court found Mr. Spiteri innocent of all charges, whilst it convicted Mr. Callus for handling stolen property.
According to the court, Mr. Callus was not the thief, but he should have realised that the plough had dubious origins because he had bought it from an Arab whom he could not name! So, for not being streetwise, Mr. Callus gets a 12 month jail sentence suspended for four years.
On another day I read about Mr. Stephen Borg, who after admitting to the police, was found guilty of procuring and selling heroin......12 years ago! Mr. Borg was 21 at the time of the crime and as a Social Worker and his Probation Officer testified, he has since then (8 years later), become a completely different man.
Although Mr. Borg has turned his life around, has kept a clean conduct, and is essentially rehabilitated, he is still sentenced to eight months behind bars at the Korradino Correctional Facilities. But what exactly are we trying to correct here? And whose fault is it that it took the courts 8 years to decide this one? The guy admitted his mistakes, has clearly corrected his own ways, and as much as I too would agree that everyone should pay for their crimes, jail should not be the only option. It only takes plain old common sense to realise that throwing a rehabilitated drug abuser into a drug infested cage is, to say the least, ridiculous.
And now whilst the young student Mark Camilleri awaits his fate at the hands of an outdated censorship law, and Dr. Emmy Bezzina hopes that his deceased parents and grandmother will in fact turn up to preside over the proceedings in his inheritance case with his brothers and sister, all I can say is keep them coming...this is better than the comedy channel.