‘Halloween’ weekend was amusing. Kids roamed the streets. Witches, ghouls, skeletons and zombies knocking doors and ringing bells, trick- or- treating. It’s funny how this Western tradition has slowly made its way to Malta, considering we’re Roman Catholic and ‘Hallow’s Eve’ is essentially a pagan feast. Anyhoo!! It’s not like I’m losing sleep over it, but it does make you inadvertently pick bags of ‘Em&Em’ imitation sweets off the Lidl shelves, and carve some eyes and noses out of Pumpkins, to make jack-o-lanterns and conform doesn’t it?
It’s given Stationeries an opportunity to make some extra dosh during this month, children freak out over actually sharing the same ‘culture’ their Disney idols promote on their shows, promoters the chance to create another party opportunity and TV stations to re run cheesy 80s horror flicks, which arent’ quite as scary.
What really scares the crap out of me? I can draw up a little list for you.
J.Lo’s ass
Some incredibly talented P.R. guru on her team, realized that Miss Lopez was quite heavy on the back side and alarm bells started ringing. Everyone knows the best way to conceal a defect is to draw all attention towards it! So in turn, Magazine’s dedicated full page spreads to her derriere, Ellen De Generes invited Jennifer to talk publicly about her cheeks and women all over the world manifested their joy by organizing walkathons in their thongs. While I started saving for butt cheek implants…..?!*
Hooked Eyebrows
I’m not one to talk, my eye brows…..actually I’ll rephrase that …..my EYEBROW was hard to tame at age 10. However, years of constant care and my make up artist, Diane’s threats, to never let anyone touch my eyebrows with a pair of tweezers or scissors, contributed to a pair of high arched brows, I’m rather proud of. Then sometimes I remember my tragic past, when I meet girls with hooks instead of eyebrows. Little, crooked, worm-like, skinny tufts of hair replacing what’s meant to be framing the face.
“Muffin Tops”
For those of you who don’t know what a muffin top is, it is the piece of unwanted flesh hanging along the sides of jeans or trousers which are to tight, which creates the “muffin top” effect, hence the name. There have been sightings of “Muffin Tops” namely, in Paceville, Grocery Stores, university campus and also gymnasiums. To remove or prevent “Muffin Top” effect refrain from eating the daily pastizz, packet of twistees and doughnut a day, exercising and possibly buying clothes your waist size?
People who Talk Politics to Me
How is that people don’t realize when they’re being invasive? I have had party supporters from both ends, nudge me and whisper in my ear, “inti min taghna ux!” (you’re one of us aren’t you?) It is public knowledge that I have never been keen on discussing politics as I believe that such things should be kept private. So no nudging please and next time I’ll answer “No I’m neither a smurf , nor ketchup.”
Toilets in Paceville
Puke from that not so sober girl you saw walk in just before you…check….extra, unwanted information about menstrual cycles of any women who have used that toilet….check…..Leaking toilet…check…NO TOILET PAPER …check…Woman resembling Gorilla ‘selling’ squares of bog roll….check….You get my drift!
And that ends my list of things, which scare me. Let’s just say there are things of more substance which freak me out, but I thought I’d keep this blog humorous, for fear of upsetting some of you!