Beppe Fenech Adami is mentally prepared to “bite the bullet” and have an operation to remove a 15cm malignant tumour from his back.
Staring pensively ahead, the Nationalist Party’s deputy leader admitted he is still in shock and in a “mess” as he tries to come to terms with the news that turned his life upside down eight days ago.
“I was told I have a tumour under my right shoulder blade... it’s as big as a ftira,” he said matter-of-factly, using his fingers to illustrate the size.
Sitting at his kitchen table with his wife Anne by his side, Dr Fenech Adami, the 45-year-old son of President Emeritus and former prime minister Eddie Fenech Adami, gave a candid account of what he is going through.
He experienced some muscle pain in his back some four months ago. But being used to back trouble since suffering a slipped disc in 1991 that required specialised surgery, he just put up with it. However, in recent weeks the pain got worse.
“It felt the same way you would if you went running and were unfit; I thought it was a pulled muscle, nothing I couldn’t live with,” he said.
‘No one just summons you for an urgent MRI’
When the treatment he was taking failed to alleviate the pain, he underwent an MRI scan to establish if the problem was emanating from his neck.
On July 18 at about 5pm, he was preparing to go to the Joseph Calleja concert when he received a phone call from hospital telling him to go for a second MRI.
He told them he would do it the following day, but was instructed to go immediately.
“I sensed something was wrong. Nobody just summons you for an urgent second MRI on a Friday night,” Dr Fenech Adami said.
He urged his wife to go to the concert and went to hospital for the second scan. The news was grim: he had a huge tumour.
After receiving the news, Dr Fenech Adami drove to Floriana to join his wife for the second part of the concert.
It was surreal as he tried to digest it all in such festive circumstances.
But the blow came the next day when a biopsy revealed the tumour was cancerous.
“I can’t believe it till this very moment,” he said, his voice cracking and his eyes welling up.
Immediately composing himself, Dr Fenech Adami said the tumour was in a tricky position because it was like a creeper through his ribs. This meant he had to go abroad for specialist advice.
On Tuesday he flew to the UK and is now back home in Għargħur waiting for the medical team to advise him on the way forward: either undergo radiotherapy to shrink the tumour or operate immediately.
I just want to bite the bullet and get it done
“The doctors were very cautious and wouldn’t say if they’re optimistic or not about the outcome. The challenge is removing it all and not leaving a trace,” he said.
“In a way, when you get the bad news you’re relieved because there’s a diagnosis, but the hardest thing is waiting for the results – it’s a terrible feeling. I’m not afraid of the operation, I just want to bite the bullet and get it done.”
While he awaits direction from the UK specialists, the next step is to address the “elephant in the room” and establish if the cancer has spread.
So far a CT scan has shown it is contained, but doctors still want him to undergo further tests before committing themselves.
In the meantime, his wife and three sons – aged 17, 15 and 12 – are all dealing with the news in their own way. The youngest has yet to grasp the enormity of the situation and at the moment his biggest concern is the cancellation of their summer holiday.
“The other day he was telling Anne why don’t we go anyway and leave Papa behind,” Dr Fenech Adami said, smiling at his son’s reasoning.
True to form, his father, Eddie, is handling it in his usual “stoic” manner and Dr Fenech Adami is summoning all his energy to remain strong.
“I can face it. I’ll fight it as hard as I can; I don’t know if I’ll win and it could be a long uphill battle... the funny thing is that I feel so healthy. I just feel muscle pain that I can live with,” he said, adding he was also realistic about his chances.
Asked if being a politician had been a help or hindrance as he faced the toughest battle of his life, Dr Fenech Adami said he had been overwhelmed by messages, phone calls, prayers and e-mails of support.
He was feeding off well-wishers’ positive energy and admitted that “not walking alone is a boost”.
“I want to thank everybody and please keep praying for us all.”
Smiling, he recounted parishioners’ surprise when he turned up for Mass yesterday morning.
“People were looking at me as if to say, aren’t you supposed to be dying?
“An elderly man came up and commiserated me, saying: ‘You have somebody who is unwell in your family, don’t you?’ He was taken aback when I said it was me.”
Dr Fenech Adami is not planning to step down from his political role; in fact, it is his passion for the job that is driving him.
“I’ll give it a good fight; I’m too young to die.”