For many children, this time of year is not a favourite as it spells the end of summer holidays. To make matters worse, bullying, which a common experience for many children, often makes the back to school period a torment.
Since power imbalance is intrinsic to bullying, adult intervention is fundamental as children cannot deal with the situation on their own
Bullying is a marked pattern of deliberately hurting and humiliating others – it has many forms and can be physical, verbal and emotional. Boys are more likely than girls to engage in physical bullying which involves contact aimed to hurt or injure others such as tripping, hitting and shoving. On the other hand, girls tend to participate more in verbal forms of bullying such as rumour-spreading, name calling, teasing and social exclusion.
Until a few years ago bullying was perceived as pertaining to school and to what revolves around it – however, this is no longer true. In this day and age, bullying has various platforms and it can happen at home as much as at school, more specifically through means of digital technology and interactive media.
This recent phenomenon is called cyberbullying. Bullies resort to the use of the internet and mobile phones, with the ultimate intention to hurt or embarrass others. Cyberbullying is highly distressing because children and adolescents are still bullied when they are in the safety of their own home. Examples of cyberbullying include photos or videos posted online with the intent to embarrass another person, rumours sent by e-mail or threats made through a barrage of text messages.
There are a multitude of factors which contribute to bullying. Such risk factors include children who are perceived as different by their peers because, for instance, they are overweight or come from a different ethnic background. Other factors such as disability and sexual orientation can also put children or adolescents at a higher probability to become a target for bullies.
Some of the effects of bullying are immediate – these include depressed feelings, anxiety, shame and loneliness. When faced with bullying situations, children and adolescents may also manifest challenging behaviour. At the roots of this behaviour is an original feeling of anger at peers who exclude or tease them rather than recognise their need to play and feel included.
Consequently children often learn that expressing their feelings to their peers will enhance bullying and they cope with this situation by bottling up emotions and behaving indifferently. In other words, since they find it hard to articulate their feelings, they might express their anger inappropriately. Some manifestations of this dynamic are acting out, kicking or being aggressive towards younger siblings. Symptoms vary from child to child and when children do not express their feelings, they might present somatic symptoms such as headaches or stomach pains.
These situations pose a challenge to parents and educators particularly because on the one hand children need to know the limits of their behaviour while on the other hand it is important for adults to understand where the anger is coming from. If children are taught that anger is unacceptable, it will make matters worse as they learn to stuff feelings further down in an attempt to disconnect from their feelings.
Research shows that bullying may have an effect on educational achievement. Children who experience bullying often associate school with bullying and grow to dislike school. School no longer offers them a supportive learning environment to the extent that they are afraid to raise their hand to ask a question or participate in class and find it hard to concentrate during lessons.
Other common effects of bullying are withdrawal and loneliness particularly when children feel helpless in the situation. At times they believe that nothing can be done to improve their situation and that they are the only ones carrying such a burden. Children may generalise the way they feel at school and withdraw when they meet different children, as they expect other children to bully them too.
A pattern of bullying leaves its mark on children’s identity, more specifically on the way they perceive themselves. The impact on the self-concept varies and children might think that they are ugly, boring, or that there is something intrinsically wrong with them. Children who are subject to repetitive bullying often experience shame, which is a distressing experience revolving around the notion that what is me is not acceptable.
A favourable aspect in the bullying equation is that effective adult intervention can significantly minimise the negative impact of bullying. In other words, adults can support children to step out of bullying by feeling empowered and inclined to trust others rather than feeling stuck in a helpless situation.
Since power imbalance is intrinsic to bullying, adult intervention is fundamental as children cannot deal with the situation on their own. One of the ways in which adults can make a difference is by strengthening the cognitive and emotional support system of the child. Children need to be reminded that bullying is not tolerated, that not all children are the same and that there are other people who love them dearly. If bullying is swept under the carpet, children eventually lose a voice for the need to be included and they are left with a sense of inadequacy and isolation. Left unsupported, they might eventually attempt to conceal bullying from others, including parents and teachers.
As children grow older and step into adolescence, friends become increasingly important and bullying in the form of exclusion and humiliation feels like the end of the world. Adolescents need friends to foster a sense of belonging and of being valued. They need to deal with peer culture, to compete for acknowledgment and status in their peer groups and later on to succeed in the world of dating.
Bullying does not support the adolescent’s emerging needs to build up a social circle and strengthen a new identity. Often adolescents experience problems with authority and not having the opportunity to turn to a network of friends for alliance and support makes this development phase a painful transition into adulthood. Parents and educators can still support teenagers to counteract the effects of bullying. Even though it is often denied, they care about what their parents and teachers think and they have an emerging capacity of closeness with their parents.
Dealing effectively with bullying is beneficial not only for the victims of bullying but also for the other parties involved in the situation, including other children who witness bullying, teachers, parents, and the bullies themselves. Children who bully others to get what they want often have particular needs such as the need to learn that aggressive behaviour is not socially acceptable, that there are means of communication in order to get what they want, and that they have to shoulder responsibility for their actions. As much as victims of bullying need to be taken seriously, bullies need a non-judgmental, safe and firm environment to meet their needs and learn new ways of behaving.
Amanda Grech is a registered and European Certified Psychotherapist.