Once the children come along, a prodigious instinct for improvisation and subterfuge is required for the regular upkeep of romance. And even then, the occasional moment of awkwardness has a knack for worming its way into a couple’s snatched moments of intimacy.

Take, for instance, the husband and wife who managed to enjoy a candle-lit dinner at home. They put the children to bed before sitting down at table, only to be surprised a couple of hours later by a knock on their bedroom door followed by the question, “Is surgery being performed in there?”. It was the voice of their nine-year old son who was curious about the weird noises he heard in the hallway on his way to the bathroom.

It is also awkward to read scientists’ description of romance and marriage in physiological terms. David and John Gallacher did precisely that last month in the student British Medical Journal.

In their analysis of the effect of exclusive long-term relationships on health, they defined love as “a voyage of discovery from dopamine-drenched romance to oxytocin-induced attachment”.

On the upside, however, they concluded that a long-term relationship is usually well worth the effort.

Oxytocin in a hormone that promotes a feeling of bonding with another sentient being. It is released, for example, during hugging or skin-to-skin contact like kissing. It is also released when a mother nurses her child.

Long-term relationships which are running smoothly in spite of the bumps on the way are normally associated with higher level of oxytocin. This hormone evokes feelings of happiness, ease and security when partners are in each other’s company.

In a paper by Thomas S. Night (1959) titled ‘In defence of romance’, the author emphasises that, very often, romance is a major reason for marriage: “People have been getting married for love for a long time.”

Unfortunately, it is a common for people to view the commitment of marriage and the responsibility of raising children as a death knell to the romance which kindled the relationship in the first place.

He questions this perception and believes marriage and romance are not incompatible. It all depends, in his view, on the partners’ perception of themselves, their family and the investment they are willing to make, day in day out, to strengthen their emotional bonds.

Research in this area is admittedly bleak. A lot of studies purportedly demonstrate that conflict surges between husband and wife once they become parents. On the other hand, some scientists have taken the view that the effort of becoming a better parent has a beneficial effect on the parent’s ability to relate to his or her spouse.

According to clinical psychologist Craig Malkin, it is adults who kill the marriage and not the children. He notes that although study after study purportedly demonstrates that it is all downhill for a marriage the moment a child or children are born, he believes we should treat the evidence with caution.

In his opinion piece, ‘Romance Redux’, he notes that “many couples aren’t very good at building and maintaining a relationship [in the first place], and maybe kids just speed an already doomed couple towards marital demise”.

From direct experience at his own practice, he has concluded that “the couples who seem happiest after children [are the ones who] have worked hard to improve themselves”.

The techniques of positive parenting, in fact, teach mothers and fathers to raise their children to feel as if they are part of a team where all members are respected and urged to work together for the benefit of the family. Parents learn how to empathise with their children, respect their intelligence and listen to their opinions. If parents embrace positive parenting and apply it to their marital relationship, it helps them to better support each other.

A study by Mark Feinberg and his team, published in the Journal of Family Psychology, analysed the effect of teaching parents the skill of providing support after a baby is born. It concluded that parents who felt supported and knew how to support each other got emotionally closer and managed to also be more supportive of their children as well.

How can a couple stay connected on a daily basis? Pay your loved one a compliment every now and then and take pride in the fact that you have both managed to get through a difficult day, week or month.

Say “I love you” in the morning and at night and send the occasional text messages to remind your spouse you are thinking of him or her.

More importantly, give 100 per cent of your attention to your husband or wife when you are talking to each other.

Perhaps you can regularly book a morning off together so that you will have some time alone together but still be in time to pick up the children after school. Do not feel bad about wanting to have some time to yourselves. You must not, after all, accommodate your children all the time.

In supporting their growth into independent individuals, you are fine-tuning, it would seem, the skills to strengthen your marriage as well.