The Oxford dictionary defines the term "rat" as follows:

1. A large long-tailed rodent, typically considered a serious pest
2. Informal: A despicable person

This definition fails to mention the latest and most vindictive addition to this family: The Wardenius Greenius, commonly known as the Environmental Warden posing as an ordinary citizen, who at night lurks in the shadows scavenging by the skip waiting for an easy snack. Rats feed off opportunity - any opportunity.

Once the grub has been targeted, there's no shrugging them off. Wardenius Greenius goes blind and deaf; his appetite becomes prodigious. They turned a blind eye to my version of the facts; they went deaf to my explanation. The wild wardenia appeared right behind me - to be precise, in a flash of a camera. This species is known for its surprise but painful attacks; they are known to strike where it hurts the most - one's pocket.

There they were, citation machine ablaze, flashing their IDs in FBI style. "You've been caught... we have you on camera". My instant reaction was Oooh!! Is this candid camera... smile! But reality kicked in - and this was really a Wardenius Greenius.

Unfortunately the evidence on the "crime scene" wasn't clear enough - forensics needed more. "Stay der so we ken tejk enoder fotow plijs".

I was not allowed to speak, let alone explain myself. My intention was clear it seemed: "No madam, your intention was veri kleejer... you just wanted to lijv your rubbish hjer outside di skip and gow back home".

They ignored the fact that my car keys were ready in hand to fetch my car from across the street and load my box comfortably by the skip before heading off in search for one which was not overflowing.

Why else would one bother taking nothing else but car keys on a visit to the skip I ask? Surely not for any other reason. But alas, our FBI agents decided to adopt their own intention inference style.

After yet another unsuccessful attempt to explain myself, they automatically assumed I was unwilling to co-operate and so the need for back-up was felt. Meanwhile the show was only getting started. "Tkellem bil-Malti," I was told..."għax aħna Maltin" (Speak in Maltese as we're Maltese) and "I am sick of you...sick of you I say...you hear me, you are acting like a child," shouting at the top of his lungs, so close to my face my nose was actually getting quite wet.

At this point I was seriously thinking I was the victim of some random prank and I kept looking around for the hidden cameras, expecting a Maltese Ashton Kutcher to jump out from behind the overflowing skip exclaiming "Għadek kemm ġejt punk'd...hehe" (You've just been punk'd). But lo and behold, within minutes three police sergeants appeared instead, to the rescue of the Wardenius Greenius. Nowhere else have I ever witnessed such efficient and express on-the-scene-of-the-crime cooperation. The street outside my house had temporarily turned into a little tea party - a pathetic farce where rats needed help to secure their catch of the night. Whatever will they think of next?

To be honest I was sorry for the sergeants who must have had better things to do with their time. At least they served one useful purpose, that of helping me obtain the warden's identification number as he had previously refused to do so by replying: "Issa nagħtihulek. L-ewwel narak il-Qorti". (Now I'll give it to you. First I'll see you in court). Is this the kind of attitude our environmental wardens should be adopting in the performance of their duties? They should ensure that the skips are not overflowing in the first place rather than hiding to fine people the instant they let go of their rubbish.

So, dear readers, please beware of anyone lurking besides overflowing skips in the shadows of the night. You never know who might pop out from behind it, ready to take your photo. Who knows, you may even be lucky enough to be asked to pose for a second shot. Perfect for the image conscious.