Whatever happened to the beautiful art of taking free kicks?

A few weeks ago I was chatting to someone who claimed you never see a good free kick in the Premier League these days. He was so adamant about his observation, I decided to take a closer look for myself.

And blow me down, although I had never noticed it before, it turns out he is absolutely spot on. Unlike the players themselves.

I had originally thought he may have been exaggerating a little, seeing as he is a bit of a Cristiano Ronaldo worshipper, and the absence of the smirking one from the Premier League may have clouded his judgment.

But no, it is a fact: you hardly ever see a player slamming one straight past the goalkeeper or curling a beauty into the top corner any more.

I specifically kept an eye out for free kicks in the games I watched over the past few weeks, and they were, for want of a stronger word, pathetic. Of those I saw, which must have been 100, not a single one hit the back of the net. Most, in fact, sailed high into the stands or slammed straight into the defensive wall.

Those that were on target and did make it past the wall were normally gathered up by the goalkeepers like they were dealing with a gentle back pass (back in the days when they could still pick them up).

They hardly had to dive and, when they did, they were able to do it in slow motion, stopping to smile at the cameras on the way down.

It’s not as if this drought has always afflicted the Premier League. In fact, I would go as far as to say England’s top flight has been blessed with some of the finest free kick takers in the world.

Off the top of my head: Ronaldo, Matthew Le Tissier, Stuart Pearce, Gianfranco Zola, Glenn Hoddle, Ian Harte, John Arne Rise, Eric Cantona, Paul Gascoigne, and, of course, David Beckham.

And I came up with those faster than I could type them.

Yet the current crop of set piece specialists – and there aren’t many – are rarely delivering the goods any more. The likes of Steven Gerrard, Didier Drogba, Frank Lampard, Ryan Giggs and Robin van Persie hardly ever slam a scorcher into the top corner.

Added to that is the fact that there doesn’t seem to be a new generation of specialists coming through – with the possible exception of Gareth Bale.

There was a time when a defender committing a silly foul 25 yards from goal was the cue for a goalkeeper’s knees to start knocking. These days the only people that need worry are those sitting in rows M through to Z.

So what’s behind it? Where has it all gone wrong? I haven’t got the faintest clue.

It can’t be the ball, unless someone has sneakily swapped all the Premier League’s Nikes for a consignment of Jabulani balls left over from the World Cup.

Maybe the clubs themselves are not treating set pieces in the same way they – encouraging players to set up scoring opportunities rather than have a crack at goal themselves. But again, that is unlikely, as I imagine you would always encourage someone to have a go if they are likely to get it on target.

Maybe defenders are more careful not to give away needless fouls in dangerous areas these days, and that is reducing the number of free kicks and, by default, the number of good ones. But that can’t be it, especially in a league that boasts the incomparable talents of Titus Bramble.

I wish I had the answer, but I genuinely don’t have the foggiest on this one. Please feel free to enlighten me if you can.

In the meantime, I am going to be bracing myself for another weekend of Premiership free kicks that make my efforts on Pro Evolution Soccer look cultured and effective.

Roy was a square peg in a round hole

I guess sometimes in life it is simply a case of your face not fitting.

No sooner has Roy Hodgson been replaced by Kenny Dalglish than Liverpool look like a new club. Not in result terms, maybe, but in many other aspects they look totally reinvigorated.

The fans are falling over themselves to give the ‘new’ manager their support. The club’s owners are saying how happy everyone is while promising funds for new players. And Steven Gerrard is declaring his undying love for Dalglish and promising to play his socks off for the remainder of the season to ensure the King gets the job full-time.

Even Fernando Torres looks like he wants to play football again.

In Hodgson’s case I guess he was just the wrong man at the wrong time, as the club’s chairman has suggested. Short of winning his first 10 games in charge he was probably never going to win everyone over.

Though I can’t help but feel that had those three supporting elements been in place for the previous manager – owner, fan and player backing – then Liverpool wouldn’t find themselves languishing towards the foot of the table.

And Hodgson wouldn’t be sitting at home with nothing to do other than polish his ‘Manager of the Year’ award.

Made me laugh

I have to share with you my favourite sports joke of the week:

“News flash: Aston Villa sign Darren Bent for £18 million – £20 million in cash plus Emile Heskey.”

I had to think about it a bit, but I enjoyed it when I got it.

Your say

“I’m a big football fan, and I read your column last weekend. I enjoyed the part about Uefa’s new enforcement of clubs finances. I’d like to make a couple of points and see if you agree.

“I am only 21, and was not around in the old days of football when teams could develop their squads internally and go on to fight for the league and European Cup. I think that option is dying.

“In my opinion Uefa’s idea is a great one, but today no team can grow ‘organically’ the way Manchester United, Liverpool, Arsenal and many teams across Europe did in the past.

“Today the influx of money from the Champions League and the Premier League is massive and it is causing a divide in the league, making it terribly hard for teams to make it to the Champions League and join the cycle of gaining the large amounts of money the ‘Top Four’ are getting.

“For example, last Satuday week Manchester City had players worth more than £100 million on the bench. Yes, they bought all those players, but there is no other way a team like City can make it to the top of the Premier League.

“The bottom line is there is an unfair playing field, which is caused by the Champions League money, and to get this money the clubs have to spend an awful lot, which is nothing new.

“United broke the British transfer record three seasons in a row, Liverpool under Gérard Houllier spent enormous amounts of money, and so have Chelsea, and that is why they are in the Champions League now.

“This is coming from a diehard United fan. However, I am very passionate about football and I feel Uefa’s idea is good in theory, but it is not good if you want new clubs to come into the Champions League and make history.”

Marcus Iwanik, e-mail.

sportscolumnist@timesofmalta.com