With creative gems like My House, Home and Our Flats, Maltese homeowners might seem unimaginative when naming their properties.
So in the spirit of comic relief, The Sunday Times of Malta has compiled a selection of the good, the bad and the funny titles that stood out.
Along a sleepy alley on the outskirts of Fgura, the majority of homes only bear numbers.
One corner house, however, wears its ceramic name badge with pride. Ginphil, the brainchild of Gina and Philip Zammit, is part of a common house naming culture across Malta and Gozo.
The amalgamation of first names such as Joseph and Marie – Jomar – and the infamous Condom from Connie and Dominic have captured the imaginations of homeowners for generations.
The undisputed favorite, however, remains St Mary House, with more properties named after the mother of Christ than anything else.
Popular global celebrity tributes include Clinton House, Rihanna Flats in Birżebbuġa and Beckham apartments, as well as a small house called ‘Bon Jovi’ in Ħamrun.
Perhaps the owner of a Beckham apartment might fancy their chances further up the property ladder with a move to Old Trafford.
Some two dozen houses across the island are named after famous football stadiums including Anfield and the San Siro.
Tributes to religious figures, particularly village patron saints, are another common sight.
A stroll through Qormi would reveal a healthy dose of St George and St Sebastian tributes.
Likewise in Ħamrun, where more homes are named after patron saint San Gaetano than anything else.
Countries of extraction are another top pick among property owners, with many dedicating their abodes to the countries they once called home.
The owners of a San Ġwann house called Oh Sweet Canada said the name reminded them of their younger years in British Columbia.
“I think a home should be a refuge, somewhere that you feel completely comfortable. For us that was Canada,” they said.
A house called Facebook seemed likely to go viral, but was beaten to the post by a maisonette called Like
Among the American references noted by this newspaper were at least 10 White Houses, several Statues of Liberty, dozens of God Bless Americas and even a Big Mac House in Għarb.
You can even show your appreciation with Thanks Mum and Dad, Wedding gift, Unexpected or the timeless – Thanks God.
A house called Facebook seemed likely to go viral, but was beaten to the post by a maisonette called Like.
The laser engraved wooden name sign included the Facebook function’s iconic thumbs up symbol and went viral on social media last week.
An investigation into the darker underbelly of house naming culture revealed two shocking choices. The owners of a house called Mein Kampf and another called Holocaust declined to comment to this newspaper.
For those more anatomically inclined, Rest My Aching Back, Put Up Your Feet, a bizarre Somewhere For My Hands and a town house called Tonsil (likely Tony and Silvia) also caught the eye.
On the subject of bodily functions, the popular Il-Fart town house in Mosta makes no reference to the wind-passing jokes it often inspires.
Rather, the term is likely a mispronunciation of the less commonly used name for the now-extinct Maltese ox.
Attempts to contact the owners of the curious property were unsuccessful. However, residents claimed the name stemmed from the original owner’s large stature.
“The Mostin used to use this expression – ‘Qiesu Fard’ (He’s like an ox).
“Said in the local vernacular, it sounds like ‘fart’,” said resident and Mosta history buff Frans Said.
Another plausible explanation comes from the word’s second meaning, odd, which would make sense as the house number is 11.
If you are lying low after a run in with the law perhaps best to avoid the houses called Time Robbery or Dirty Dealings in Żabbar and Marsa.
Or even if you have had enough and just want to get away from it all, Dar Dartuni (‘You made me sick’) sends a pretty clear message.
Not quite as clear, however, as Dar il-ħares min ma jogħgbux ma jħarisx (Ghost house, if you don’t like it don’t look).