Many have heard of the ‘kindness’ of introducing divorce so people whose marriage has broken down can remarry and ‘have another chance’.
The introduction of divorce, however, hurts the children of the first marriage, once one of their parents remarries and starts a new family. It is, of course, bad enough without divorce, when one parent leaves and forms another family.
Although unlikely to be articulate about their feelings, the children of the first marriage will find themselves on the cold periphery of a new family.
Children born through a second alliance, which cannot, as the law stands, be marriage, may lack ‘legitimacy’. They do have some advantages, however, which children of a broken marriage do not have.
The children of the second alliance have the privilege of ‘cohabiting’ with both their natural parents. Living with their own mother and father, they enjoy the radiance of their parents’ love for one another, the sense, perhaps only subconsciously experienced, of being the incarnation of the living bond between their parents.
The proximity of both parents is lost to the children of a broken marriage, and with the formation of a second family, the children of the first have their sense of filiation undermined. The feeling of being a son or a daughter is seriously unhinged, once one of the parents lives elsewhere with a ‘new’ family.
This happens whether divorce and remarriage are possible or not. With divorce, however, the hurt of those left behind is de-legitimised, particularly if the remarried parent keeps the legal obligations towards the child/children of the first marriage.
These children know what it is to get shuttled to and fro, to live in places that are not quite home, to have a status not quite on a par with that of the half-sisters or half-brothers with whom they share (part of?) their lives.
The pain of having one parent, possibly two, with new families is great, even if there is no divorce.
But with divorce, the hurt is worse. With divorce, the plight of the children of the first marriage loses its ‘legitimacy’. Divorce and the concomitant right to remarry will signal society’s approval of fathers or mothers who form new bonds in conflict with already existing ones. The hurt of being put aside from the first circle of love will no longer have a name.