The term ‘dad’ is endearing and warm. Most of us have been fortunate enough to have an ever-present father, at least physically present at home. Many of us have or have had a father whose presence can best be described as fleeting, parsimonious and somewhat bare.

Today a dad’s role is somewhat enmeshed into that of a mother’s

Then there are those of us who wish they had never had a father at all… life without him would probably have been kinder. The rest of us have never had a father in life and dreamt of the ‘ifs’ and ‘what ifs’ of having one.

“It doesn’t matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.”
Anne Sexton
American poet

Over the decades the image of the father’s role has changed from that of a disciplinarian and unique breadwinner who authoritatively watched over his wife and brood, to that of a chummy man who was there to share it all… or at least that is what commercials promised us. Much like a fairytale personage, daddies were meant to watch over us, protect us, care for us, be our guardian angels – envision a modern ‘Geppetto’ as in the fairytale of Pinocchio – the man who did all for his child, no matter what.

Today a dad’s role is somewhat enmeshed into that of a mother’s, or so we are led to believe, and for this we should all be thankful. In many ways, society’s demands on fathers have changed in a rather bizarre manner in a relatively short period of time. Things are definitely not easy on men anymore.

“The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them.”
Confucius
Chinese philosopher

And then there are the different perspectives of who dad was or is – a first child looks up to their father in a different way a younger child within the brood does.

An only child is literally that in the eyes of a father and does not have to compete for attention. So an only child who does not get father’s attention would feel the lack of it even more profoundly than a child living within a large family where attention must be sought and fought for.

Chances are that each person has a different perspective of their father, whatever their sex, whatever their slot within the family’s scheme of things, and just because of such a scheme.

“A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.”
Enid Bagnold
British author and playwright

Few of us can claim our father was just perfect in our life. Many of us would probably wish to have the father ours never was. If our father was too loud, we might wish to have one that was soft-spoken. If our father was too reserved, we would wish to have one who was rather more sociable.

But as we grow older, most of us tend to accept our father for what he is and perhaps forgive him for what he was. We see through him, as he really is, more than anybody else can.

We have known him from our infancy and from the infancy of his fatherhood and that is the closest anybody can get to a man.

“One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.”
George Herbert
English poet, orator and Anglican priest

Then there is the issue of sons and daughters. A daughter is usually closer to her dad than a son. But generalisations are there to be proven wrong, so that some daughters just cannot stand their fathers and some sons are veritable shadows of their dads.

“It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father.”
Pope John XXIII
Italian Catholic pope

Whether or not men know what it takes to be the perfect father is yet to be discovered. What is a perfect father after all? If you had to ask yourself that question – how would you answer it?

Would you say that a perfect father should be always ready to listen? Would he have to be always ready to pay for his family’s necessities? Would he have to be forgiving, lenient, harsh, strong, gentle, manly?

“I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.”
Sigmund Freud
Austrian psychoanalyst