In today’s world, where gazing into each other’s lives is less an impertinence than it is a natural instinct, we are all groping to find ways to uncover the secrets of how our version of the Joneses live. And so, when Facebook and Twitter cannot disclose the degree of information we are so hungry to acquire, where else are we to search for that bar to hold ourselves up to? Well, the proof just might be in the pudding… or rather, in the ramekin that contains it.
In 1922, Emily Post, an American author, whose writings are synonymous with literary etiquette education, proclaimed that the perfect dinner party is like the graduation ceremony of social life. It represents the culmination of a hostess’s skill in housekeeping; her refinement of taste and treatment of others. It reflects on what company she keeps, on what she considers fashionable, and on what she deems most worthy to put on show about herself for her selected guests to judge.
While Post’s words were written almost a century ago, some of what she declares still holds water today. Those who endeavour to throw a dinner party are setting themselves the ultimate societal trial. This test of social adequacy is so real, in fact, that it begins in the detail of the setting of the dinner table. It is true that a host’s lifestyle can loosely be summed up just by paying particular attention to the way the table has been laid.
In the time of Post’s writing, a dinner table would be set by the house staff. The hostess [there was never any mention of a host] was merely responsible for choosing who sat where and ensuring no awkward silences fell upon the immaculate display. Today, the task of table decorating in the average dinner-party-throwing household is taken as an opportunity to illustrate character and lifestyle.
A dinner table setting reveals much about its maker. Using place cards today denotes an element of distrust in your guests’ conversation potential. A bare table, with no cloth, suggests a degree of comfort and a detraction of ceremony, sacrificed for the creation of familiarity among guests. Mismatching crockery is no longer a hosting crime, as long as a cohesive balance of shape and colour is struck on the table top. It indicates an element of worldliness, and hints at the host’s non-materialistic attitude. These people value experiences – not fancy things. Napkins of cloth serve to create a desired element of formality – not one of unease, but of romance.
A dinner-table setting reveals much about its maker’s taste, as well as economic and cultural context. Having a saffron crocus adorn the centrepiece because it matches the hand-embroidered silk serviettes makes no attempt to conceal status, and much less income… just as laying out a Fundamentals of Makkum crockery set would go far in terms of revealing a degree of design connoisseurship.
However, even with limited means, a table setter can infuse style into their affordable arrangement. The lengths people go to for creativity with crockery, or craftiness with candles, reveal much about where they have been and what inspires them.
The act of laying a table is the entry pass into the great social examination that is the dinner party. It is a visual tease for what the night is set to hold. It can spark conversation and evoke feelings of warmth, welcome and delight. Its most important role, though, is to let us in on the culture of the persons whose house we’re in. It satisfies that great voyeuristic hunger to understand the way our friends exist.
The dinner table is, actually, the social bar. It is a tool for the persons who have chosen to reveal to us not just a beautiful arrangement of eating apparatus, but also the way they live.