We all know only too well that the amount of land on our island is finite. Environmentalists tell us we have already over-built to a dangerous degree and those avaricious developers are still looking for spare postage-stamp bits of land on which to construct even more buildings.
You would think the government would step in and say “No more, enough is enough”, and stop any more thoughtless development. Ha! You have got to be joking. Those greedy developers and our lords and masters are one and the same, or at least in cahoots with one another.
It’s all about money, but then isn’t it always.
Just lately those who build have been looking upwards as a solution. All well and good if you don’t happen to mind that pretty soon Malta will look more like Hong Kong than Hong Kong.
Skyscrapers everywhere, a developers’ heaven.
So, is there a third way? Yes, I think there is; so today, with my public services truss on, I should like to expand on this.
Instead of building upwards… excavate downwards. That’s right; we’ll become a subterranean nation. I can’t think why no one’s thought of it before. I mean, it’s logical: by building downwards we can’t be accused of ruining the environment, below street level there isn’t any to ruin… it’s just dirt.
OK, our ‘friends’, those predatory vermin known as estate agents, won’t be able to truthfully advertise any properties as having a ‘panoramic’ view, but since when has the truth ever been a barrier to their shenanigans?
Actually building downwards should be a logical thing to do. We were once a nation of troglodytes, where caves and holes in the ground were our natural habitat. We will merely be returning to that sector of our heritage… but with slightly better plumbing.
The greening of Malta could begin in earnest; in direct contrast to all that has gone before
I grant you, an underground environment could be a bit of a bummer if you happen to suffer from claustrophobia, but that isn’t insurmountable. The architects of the day would merely programme in a panoramic flat-screen wall in each room, on which a delightful view would be visible.
You could even change the vista to reflect your mood. Crashing waves onto a white sandy beach could metamorphose into a twinkling starry nightscape at the twitch of a mouse. And there would never be any problems with wear and tear… no rust from sea-spray or sun-warped window frames.
Then during the colder winter months these below-ground residences, offices… what have you, could take advantage of being a little closer to the Earth’s core. The increase in heat engendered therein would enable residents to save on utility bills. It may also be possible to rig up some device to radially heat up water, bringing the source of heat also from the Earth’s core.
If this later passage on temperature control seems just a tad uninformed to any scientist, it is, because I am… uninformed. However, I am sure there are ways in which heat can be produced in my proposed subterranean buildings without actually setting fire to anything.
In any case, our almost new minister sans portfolio has promised us oodles and oodles of cheap energy, once his much-vaunted ‘floating’ power source gets up and running (but don’t hold your breath). So this shouldn’t be an insurmountable obstacle to living a subterranean lifestyle.
Then what about all that space we’ve created on the surface? Simple, we’d landscape the lot, or make it into sports and leisure facilities. The greening of Malta could begin in earnest; in direct contrast to all that has gone before.
If our 21st century trogs need a bit more warmth in winter or air-con in summer, we would install solar panels on every available flat surface above ground. Just make it compulsory to cram as many photovoltaic panels as you can squeeze onto them.
Oh yes, I reckon I have just – single-handedly – solved one of Malta’s most intractable problems… space.
No need to thank me, just cut me in – with the usual 10 per cent – on the first underground condo mega-complex.