While developing proper social skills is important for everyone, we weren’t all made to be the loud life of the party.

There was a girl in my catechism class who never said a word the entire first year before our Holy Communion. Other children played, chattered among themselves and made friends, but she just didn’t.

Twenty-odd years later, if you were to ask any of her classmates, I can guarantee you that they would hardly remember her, if at all. I remember her, though, because that girl was me.

There are many reasons for a child to be seen as shy. Some children are wary of strangers; some are sensitive, paying closer attention to the world around them; some are simply more introverted than their peers; and others (I’m counting myself here) are just totally absorbed in their own little worlds.

In most cases, there is nothing for a parent to be overly-worried about, and a shy child will simply grow up to be a socially healthy – if somewhat more reserved – adult.

To clear something up right from the jump: shyness is not a fault, it’s just a personality trait like any other. While developing proper social skills is important for everyone, we weren’t all made to be the loud life of the party and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. Recognising this is possibly one of the best things that a parent can do when dealing with a shy child.

Forcing a shy child into a social situation they find deeply uncomfortable is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole

Many children are naturally outgoing, making friends within the first few minutes of any new school year, but a shy child might not be so quick to form bonds outside the family. It’s natural to want your kids to be surrounded by loving friends, but relax, take a step back, and let them warm up to the situation in their own time.

Forcing a shy child into a social situation they find deeply uncomfortable is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. It can cause further anxiety on the part of the child and will certainly not spontaneously make them more outgoing.

A junior school teacher and mother of two, Patricia Gatt says she’s had more than her fair share of shy students over the years. “The first few days, maybe even weeks, can be hard on shy kids, but that’s not a reason for parents to be upset,” she says. “With enough time, children find their feet and start to make their own friends when they’re comfortable.”

In some cases, shyness has been linked with the development of more severe social anxieties – but this doesn’t mean that your quiet child will grow up to be an anxious adult. Comfort plays a major role in teaching shy children to socialise successfully and this can be a great tool for any parent.

Extracurricular activities and hobbies can be a good way for even the shyest of children to make new, lasting friendships. Shyness can sometimes be the result of a fear of rejection, so introducing children to social groups with common interests and backgrounds can help.

“My own daughter was a bit on the quiet side as a little girl – but you wouldn’t believe it if you met her now!” says Patricia. “When she started learning ballet after school it seemed as if she suddenly opened up. She kept up those habits even years after she stopped dancing.”

Drama and theatre classes have long proved to be an extremely effective tool when it comes to shy children, and with the huge boom in popularity that kids’ drama schools have enjoyed in Malta over the last couple of decades, you’re not likely to be short of options there. Aside from exposing kids to fair dose of culture, drama classes can go a long way towards improving confidence and building self-esteem.

In the early years of our lives, we’re taught to read and write, we learn how to multiply and divide, and memorise the capital cities of Europe. It’s a lot of information to take in when what you really want to do is go home and watch cartoons.

Exhaustive as school curriculums are, there are some skills which we’re never formally taught, because it’s expected that every child will simply pick them up along the way. Socialisation is just such a skill and it definitely doesn’t come naturally to all of us.

Luckily, there are ways that you can help. Try to make your child as comfortable as possible with socialising by allowing them to see you in action while you’re interacting with others. Expose him or her to new situations, new places, and new experiences, and you might be surprised by how they follow your lead after a few smiles and a little bit of gentle prompting.

Finally, and possibly the most importantly of all, reassure and accept your child for the unique person that they are. Some of us are party animals, some of us are homebodies and that’s all okay. While your bookworm might never emerge from the cocoon as a fully-fledged social butterfly, it doesn’t mean that they won’t live rich lives of their very own. Let your child know that they are always loved and accepted as they are, and they will find it easier than ever to relate to the big wide world around them.

The girl from my catechism class talks a lot more now. In fact; her friends tell her to be quiet a lot. I think she’s doing alright.