“Good morning housewives all over Malta... and erm, Gozo, it’s the Good Morning Housewives show on LCD Sound... 187.6 FM, Malta’s premium phone-in radio show, with me Andy Galea Sant” (Play AGS five-second jingle).
We’ve the usual must-have great pizzas to be won, courtesy of Pizza Dump in Tarxien
“And as always there are great prizes to be won, in great phone-in competitions and... of course, we’ll be playing great music on this your great Good Morning Housewives show. We’ve the usual must-have great pizzas to be won, courtesy of great Pizza Dump in Tarxien.” (Play Pizza Dump eight-second jingle)
“So... before we take our first call, here’s the latest from Florence and the Machine...” (Cue intro and talk over intro plus three opening bars... as required station policy)
“Cosmic Lerrrrve. Take it away Flo... take it away. And housewives, don’t forget the number to call: 2166 2828 on LCD sound 186.7.
“That was Florence and the Machine here on LCD sound 186.7, with... ‘Cos – im – ic Love. Yeah! And it’s time for our first caller on the line – and this morning it’s....” (Seven seconds of dead air)
“Hullo!...” (Then after five more seconds of dead air)
“Allo!”
“Ah there is somebody there – and I believe it’s Doris, isn’t it?”
“Allo!”
“Hullo, is that Doris?” (Another five seconds of dead and buried air)
“Allo!... X’affarijed dawn!”
“Ah, I think we’ve made contact at last. Good morning Doris.”
“Eh?”
“And what are you getting up to this morning?”
“Huq! Wash it de clothes eh.”
“How interesting. And you are washing the clothes at home in St Venera right?”
(About five more seconds of dead air)
“Hallo Doris, are you still there?”
“Is dat de competixin?”
“Erm no, we’ll come to that in a minute... in fact, I think we’d better come to that now.” (Play eight second jingle for Pizza Dump)
“Are you ready?” (No response) “Right, here goes... for the great prize of a great pizza for two at Pizza Dump, Tarxien, here is your question...”
“Tal Pizza Dump.”
“Erm, no Doris, that wasn’t the question. Here’s the question: When counting... what number comes after two and before four? Have you got that?”
(Seven Seconds of dead air)
“Hallo Doris... did you understand the question?”
“Erm... can you make me the clue?”
“Certainly: Erm in the nursery rhyme; how many blind mice were there? Th... ”
(More dead air)
“Hullo Doris, are you still with us on LCD sound 186.7?”
“I want to make it the competixin... for de pizza eh.”
(The line is cut)
“Oh dear, we seem to have lost Doris. Let’s go to... Hello?” (More dead air) “Erm, well I was rather hoping to talk to Gracie from Qrendi, but she –”
“Allo!”
“Ah, is that er... Gracie from Qrendi?”
(Very long pause of several seconds)
“Allo!”
“Oh hi... Gracie?”
“Marthese jien.”
“So we... did lose Gracie? Never mind, it’s an ill wind, isn’t it Marthese?”
“Sorry?”
“And what are you up to today?”
(Another long tranche of dead air)
“Hallo, Marthese... are you still with us... in a manner of speaking?”
“Allo!”
“Ah, you’re back... great. Hi Marthese, are you erm... at home this morning?”
“Make it the housework eh.”
“Doing the laundry, washing the dishes, preparing the lunch?”
(No reply)
“OK, so we’ll go straight into the competition here on LCD sound 186.7. Our competition to win the great prize of a great pizza for two at Pizza Dump in Tarxien.”
(Play eight-second jingle for Pizza Dump)
“Are you ready Marthese?”
“Sorry?”
“OK, here goes with your question: When counting... what number comes after two and before four?”
“You want me to say you the answer?”
“Yes please.” (Expletive audible but not repeatable)
“Ehe... can you give me a clue?”
“Certainly, tell me... what plant gives you wood? Is it a daffodil or is it a tree... a tree!?”
“Unh?”
“Maybe it’s a tree Marthese... a tree!”
“Eh... a tree!”
“Is the correct answer: One, two... tree... four!”
(Fanfare)
“Congratulations Marthese, you win the great prize of a great pizza for two at Pizza Dump... happy?”
“This is the best days from my life... tenk you and tenk you tal Pizza x’ajdulu.”
“Our pleasure Marthese – now here is Richard Kleyderman with his recording of the theme from the TV series... Desperate Housewives.”