The world today presents us with a variety of new and more advanced technological gadgets. It seems to have become a competition who has the latest model or version of a mobile phone, computer, tablet or other device. It is very common, in fact, to notice children, from such a young age, sitting side by side, busily taken up by some form of technology and not uttering a word to each other.

It is not unheard of that difficult issues in particular might be communicated using a text message

These scenarios are becoming more and more common in young and adults alike.

Where is human to human, face to face communication in all this? Some individuals might say that modern technology has brought them much closer to everyone they know anywhere around the world – quite true!

People are able to keep in touch with each other over Facebook, Skype etc. The latter have become ways for individuals to broaden their network of contacts.

Nothing wrong with that! However, all this is happening behind a screen or with the use of a gadget of some sort, which is quickly replacing human contact.

So much so, it is not uncommon to hear parents comment that their teenage children are immersed in conversation through Skype, for instance, yet, when they meet the same contacts face to face, it is as though they are alien to each other.

What is this all about?

The comfort of sitting behind a computer monitor or using some other communicative device could easily become too comfortable, so that the needed effort is not made to talk normally with others, to go out and meet and discuss face to face.

In the context of couple relationships, it is not unheard of that difficult issues in particular might be communicated using a text message. The latter are open to all sorts of interpretations, owing to the absence of tone of voice, non verbal language and the like.

Often have we heard of individuals getting upset because of a text message, only to discover that the meaning was seriously misinterpreted. Some manage to have an argument using such means as texting or chatting for example, and not once would there have been the opportunity of actually sitting down together and talking things through clearly.

It is not surprising that several individuals fear the opportunity of having to face someone to talk to about something or other, especially if the subject is not an area of comfort.

It is most unfortunate to see so many couples break up because of ‘lack of communication’ where one or both become alienated and problems are never truly discussed. Certainly, some situations are very difficult to manage without professional help, and such instances could be opportunities for those concerned to start learning some much needed skills to communicate effectively.

Skills for effective communication are not automatic but learnt. They require practice in our day-to-day living. We learn the first examples of this in the settings where we are brought up as children if we are lucky to have such examples, and hopefully develop and refine our skills of communicating with others as we grow and meet new people in life.

Skills to communicate effectively involve being able to give and receive clear messages of how we feel, what we need, what we like or dislike, and so on. It involves being able to give as well as receive feedback clearly, hence also being skilled in listening.

Listening is something we tend to take for granted or miss out on totally. How many times does it happen that we are in a conversation with someone else, and when it is our turn to listen, we become alienated with something else, shifting our attention away from having to listen?

Therefore, effective communication also includes knowing how to be attentive, setting clear boundaries, knowing how to be assertive in one’s language rather than be aggressive, taking turns and the like.

Considering that the context of our upbringing is the base from where we learn ways of communicating effectively or non-effectively, putting more emphasis on couples, families, parents, and carers of tomorrow might possibly be the way forward.

Doing so could serve as a way of enhancing effective communication, hence setting the right example for others who follow.

That is not to say that we would be doing away with modern technology, but rather we could find a better way of integrating one with the other and keeping our humanity human.

It might be of interest to know that within the Cana Counselling Services, sterling work is already being done by counsellors as well as psychologists, with couples and individuals, who have difficulties in communication.

It is sad to see some situations that could have been very different had there been more effective communication. It is hoped that more individuals learn effective communication, and that by time this concept could also become integrated into other curricula and settings starting with the very young.

As from next autumn, Cana Counselling Services will be taking on an added responsibility with the aim of helping and supporting couples in communication through organised workshops with this specific focus.

For further information or to make an inquiry, call 2203 9300. The offices open Mondays to Fridays from 8am to noon and from 4pm to 7pm.

Ingrid Grech Lanfranco, a counselling psychologist and family therapist, is head of counselling at Cana.