John* had a feeling his daughter would get pregnant, since her mental health condition made her highly sexual, so he asked her psychiatrist to prescribe a form of contraceptive pill.
I never thought my family would need that place we called Frankuni...
But the doctor said there was no need. Sometime later, his 25-year-old manic-depressive daughter became a mother. John had been right all along.
“Us carers are not given enough weight by the system. We look after our relatives with mental health problems but the professionals do not listen to us enough,” he said.
John, who is raising his granddaughter and has no clue who the father is, was sharing his experience in the first session of an annual course organised by the Mental Health Association, a support group for relatives of people with mental health problems.
He recounted how, when his daughter was a child, he used to drive past Mount Carmel Psychiatric Hospital every Sunday as he took his family out to Buskett or Ta’ Qali.
“I never thought my family would need that place we called Frankuni...but when my daughter turned 13 her behaviour started changing. At first, I blamed it on the folly of youth but I soon realised there was something wrong,” he said.
Several suicide attempts followed and she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, a condition in which people go back and forth between periods of very good moods, or highs, and depression.
“Soon, I had to take her to that place we used to drive past every Sunday ... My heart sank. I felt empty. I felt my world had ended. Me and my wife were broken and totally lost,” he said.
Two nurses told them of the association and he was surprised and glad to see he was not alone. His daughter was put on medication but, as time passed, her behaviour started threatening the financial stability of the whole family.
“When she was high she would steal a cheque and buy a car... I had no choice but to take her to court to incapacitate her legally. It was not easy to testify against my daughter and incapacitate her. You feel humble... like you’re your daughter’s executioner,” he said.
John often asked: Why him? Today, he knows it is best to accept the situation, learn about the condition, take any necessary medication and seek support.
Meanwhile, Ray* has a different story to tell. He has been married for 21 years and he learnt the hard way. His message is: Don’t be ashamed to learn about your problems and seek professional help and support.
He has known his wife for over 30 years. They met during a Good Friday procession when they were both students. They started dating and the first four years were fine.
However, when his wife started University, things started to change. The stress triggered nervous behaviour and she became obsessed with precision.
“I started getting confused. What was happening? Should I stay? Something inside me kept me there,” he said.
His wife experienced obsession about different things such as cleaning the house to get rid of germs. Her family started falling into her patterns and her mother was constantly cleaning.
A psychiatrist diagnosed his wife with obsessive compulsive disorder and put her on medication. But she stopped them after a while.
In the meantime, the couple got married and had a child. They used to argue a lot because they could not understand one another.
Every night, she would go round the house to check that all light switches and gas knobs were off. This ritual took hours as she would stare at every switch and knob for about 15 minutes to make sure they were off.
“I was tired and under a lot of stress as I coped with my wife’s behaviour. I took a lot of sick leave and was on the verge of losing my job,” Ray said.
“There was a time when I used to pray for a miracle for my wife... But, one day, something told me I was not praying well... I started praying to have the mental and physical strength to help my wife... The problems remained but I accepted the situation,” he said.
Ray persuaded his wife to return to a psychiatrist and she started her medication again.
“I went home from work one day and saw a smile on her face. It was like being reborn. Today, she cooks and is not too worried about the germs. She still has OCD but she’s trying to live with it... ” he said.
* Names have been changed to protect persons’ identity.