When Patrick Kavanagh retired to Malta 18 months ago, he settled down comfortably to a lifestyle away from his chaotic and busy life abroad.
But he soon noticed people who paraded around the Sliema and St Julian’s promenade did not always respect the customary Maltese dress code.
Throughout summer, Mr Kavanagh, from Dublin, watched as “scantily clad women in skimpy bikinis and bare-chested men wearing nothing but Speedo thongs” roamed the streets.
And the 54-year-old, who is not related “in any way” to the late Irish poet from Dublin with the same name, soon put pen to paper to express his frustration.
His colourful letter called Very Public Immodesty was published in The Times at the end of August, but comments and letters flooded in throughout September and the letter is still making the rounds on social media.
Mr Kavanagh wrote of a “calamitous state of affairs” where scantily dressed bathers run along the waterfront and set a “totally disgraceful example” to children.
He asked whether there was a law against this “plague of shameless exhibitionism” and sought local residents’ opinions. And the locals soon gave them.
One reader asked him to close his eyes or stop staring at people. “Actually, it is a bit creepy knowing you are sitting there spying on people anyway,” he added.
And Mr Kavanagh’s comment that such displays of public immodesty would not be tolerated in a Muslim country set off the usual litany of asking foreigners to leave the country.
“Why don’t you move to a Muslim country then? You’ll probably be a great deal happier there,” another irritated reader wrote.
But there were a number of readers that agreed with Mr Kavanagh – in principle, at least.
“There are dress code laws in Malta but unfortunately not enforced like other things... Tourists should respect the country and its people – that is, if Malta is still a Catholic country,” one said.
And this is what frustrates Mr Kavanagh, who comes from a background that embraces similar values to the Maltese culture.
“It is important for visitors to respect the inhabitants’ culture. Malta would classically be described as hospitable, safe, Catholic and conservative.
“But it is like that because people have followed the same values over the past years. When visitors ignore their hosts’ culture, they are showing a lack of respect.
“I am not prudish, and if over the course of the next few years there should be a relaxation of these norms, then this wouldn’t matter. But for now, I think it does, and there are even signs not to swim topless, for example,” he wrote.
A quick search on th e internet shows several online travel tips in fact suggest tourists should keep swimwear to the beach if they want to avoid the locals’ severe frowns.
In his letter, Mr Kavanagh says he almost feels forced to take matters into his own hands and “give them a good clip around the ear and a severe tongue lashing”.
His next line? “The bare cheek of it.”
“It’s just my style of writing – it’s intentionally provocative,” he says of his pun-laden letter. “I wanted to generate a reaction... and it worked,” he smiles cheekily, adding he would not mind telling people who walk up to the waterfront in their bathing suits to put on a shirt.
Mr Kavanagh’s amusing writing streak is manifested in his book, Don’t Make the Maltese Cross, which was published this year and is available online.
It includes a light-hearted observation of Maltese culture based on his initial impressions of the island.
The short, humorous story is based in Malta and revolves around plans for the reconstruction of post-Gaddafi Libya during June and July last year.
The main character is a fictional portrayal of the author, who becomes entangled in events connected with secret services including the CIA, Mossad and clandestine Bri-tish operatives.