[attach id=242034 size="medium"]Arsenal’s Abou Diaby (left) and Bayern’s Thomas Mueller challenge for the ball during the Champions League match in Munich last Wednesday. Photo: AP/Matthias Schrader[/attach]
For the first time in 17 years the Premiership does not have a single team in the quarter-finals of the Champions League.
But while some doom and gloom merchants are saying this is the beginning of the end for English football, I don’t think it is anything other than a blip.
At the start of the week, the Premiership still had one, albeit extremely feint, hope of representation in the last eight: Arsenal were hanging in there by the skin of their teeth. But, despite a brave victory over Bayern Munich, the away goals rule came back to haunt them in the end.
And that was that. Arsenal, Manchester United, Chelsea and Manchester City, all out. Of those, only maybe United could argue that their departure from the tournament had been anything other than thoroughly deserved.
In truth, though, it’s not like this situation should have taken us by surprise. The English Premier League, although exciting and dramatic as always, is going through a bit of a barren patch.
The overall standard of this year’s Premier League is the worst it has been for many years. Even United, who are walking away with the title, are not particularly brilliant, which shows you just how decidedly average the rest are.
On that basis, it is only natural that those deficiencies would be reflected in the Champions League performances.
When the league champions – theoretically the best team in the country – are eliminated at the group stage without even winning a game, the writing is very much on the wall.
Of course, you could argue that Chelsea are the current European champions, so it can’t be all bad for English teams. But let’s not forget how they won that title, mimicking the Greece team of Euro 2004.
The fact that they became the first defending champions not to make it out of the group stage says a lot more about them than last year’s unlikely triumph.
Whichever way you look at it, the Premier League is going through a quality slump and the performance of English teams in Europe is inevitably suffering as a consequence.
However, while this is certainly a current problem it is not one I see lasting. In my opinion, this is not the beginning of the end of the Premier League’s power, but merely a short sabbatical. Sooner rather than later, normal service will be resumed.
The new influx of cash will give English teams the boost they need to get back to the top
Don’t forget, the new television deal kicks in next season and a league that has been swimming in money will now be drowning in it.
The rest of Europe may have caught up with England in recent years, but this new influx of cash will give English teams the boost they need to get back to the top.
All the teams in and around the top four at the moment are capable of holding their own in European competition but are probably each a few players short of going all the way. However, if they use their extra income to strengthen their squads wisely, I would imagine the quarter-finals and beyond will be well within sight.
The elite Premier League teams might not be what they once were, but very soon they will be back to their European best. Mark my words.
How to deal with trolls
There are few things in life as satisfying as seeing a Twitter troll put in his place. And one sportsman did that in brilliant fashion last week.
Curtis Woodhouse is a former professional footballer who hung up his boots in 2006 to try his hand at being a professional boxer.
Generally, he has been quite successful but last weekend he lost a title fight in pretty controversial circumstances. That prompted a nasty troll by the name of @jimmybob88 to start bombarding him with offensive tweets.
“Retire immediately. Can’t even defend a pathetic little title. You are a complete disgrace,” one of the more printable ones said.
Normally at this point, the offended party has to turn a blind eye and ignore the troll in the hope that they slither back under their rock.
But Woodhouse had other ideas.
After putting up with jimmybob88’s nonsense for a while, he decided to turn the tables on him. Woodhouse got hold of his address by offering a £1,000 reward, and then announced that he was on his way round to Jimmy’s house to “have a little chat”.
As he drove in the direction of Jimmy’s home, Woodhouse posted regular updates of his progress. Finally he arrived on the troll’s street where he uploaded a picture to go with the following Tweet: “Right Jimbob, I’m here! Someone tell me which number he lives at or do I have to knock on every door. It’s show time!”
Brilliant.
With the tables turned, jimmybob88 went into panic mode and started sending Woodhouse increasingly desperate and apologetic tweets. “I am sorry. It’s getting a bit out of hand. I am in the wrong I accept that.”
Luckily for jimmbob88, who has since been revealed as a man called James O’Brien, he was at work when Woodhouse finally got to his house. But I’m sure as the stains on his underpants show, he has learned his lesson.
Woodhouse’s unique way of dealing with this cyber bully earned him 5,000 new followers in just a few hours and he also received supporting tweets from the likes of Lennox Lewis and Joey Barton.
Hopefully, knowing that some of their victims are prepared to fight back will stop some of these idiots from passing their frequently evil comments.
Woodhouse, meanwhile, no matter how good or bad a boxer he may be, has made himself a Twitter legend. Top man.
Popular young man
I think we all knew that David Beckham was going to be a popular lad over in Paris. He is wherever he goes.
But it would appear his move to Paris Saint-Germain coupled with his decision to give his wages to charity has taken his popularity to a whole new level.
If you don’t believe me, have a little look at this recent quote from the newspaper Le Monde:
“Beckham is more equal than others. Like Best, without the booze, the genius of Gascoigne but with kindness and with the iron determination of Keegan, but warmer.”
That’s pretty gushing praise for a player who is, although still extremely talented, well past his prime.
Imagine if he had turned up in Paris a decade ago…
219 reasons to quit
Every team goes through a poor run of form from time to time. It’s just the way the football cycle works.
However, once in a while a team comes along that gives an entirely new definition to the concept of having a bad spell.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Caerphilly Castle Ladies Football Club.
Up until last season the Women’s Welsh Premier League side had a pretty decent squad. They generally finished mid-table and even won the 2010 League Cup.
But over the summer, most of their players walked out to form a rival football club, leaving Caerphilly to field a mixture of youths and reserves in this year’s Premiership.
And it’s fair to say it hasn’t been going all that well.
They started off with a 5-0 defeat, which is almost respectable considering what was to come. Their next fixtures included defeats ranging from 10-0 to 36-0 as they conceded 219 goals, scoring just the one in reply.
Then, last weekend, they plumbed new depths managing to lose 43-0 to Cardiff Metro University.
Bearing in mind it takes about a minute to restart a game after a goal is scored, that means Caerphilly must have spent the entire match either kicking off or conceding.
Although the club’s chairwoman Julie Boyce originally said they would keep going and see out their remaining fixtures, they later decided to withdraw from the league, meaning all their results this season will be wiped out.
The one thing about this whole story that I can’t get out of my head though is that one goal they did manage to score. How on earth did that happen?
Bearing in mind it came in a 14-1 defeat it must surely go down as the most ‘against the run of play goal’ in history…
sportscolumnist@timesofmalta.com
Twitter: @maltablade