When performing artist Roger Tirazona is not busy working, he’s engaged in interesting conversations with his four-year-old daughter Lena, whom he loves to bits, trying to build a special bond with her to gain her trust and confidence. Simonne Pace is touched by this young father’s outlook on life.

Ever since singer, performing artist and personal and social development teacher Roger Tirazona held his baby girl for the first time, he knew they would be inseparable buddies. The young dad loves being a father to his four-year-old daughter Elena Isabel, whom he affectionately calls Lena.

“I do not simply want to be her father in the cultural sense of the word, but I want to be her best friend, someone she can trust and confide in. Trust is very important and even though I wish that she trusts me blindly, I appreciate the fact that she may be sceptical and want to try things on her own,” he says.

Knowing he will have a strong influence on how his daughter will be viewing the world, Roger says he would like to keep nurturing their relationship because it is only through this bond that Lena will learn how to live freely and the values of the humanistic world view he would like her to grow up in.

Roger picks up Lena from kindergarten every day, talks to her within her limitations to try to make her understand things and asks her how she feels about them.

“At this stage of her life, I’m trying to be the most affectionate father, nurturing her in anything I can while helping her to discover new things. At the same time, I think I’m also the one who is disciplining her the most. The kind of relationship I want to have with her is a mash-up between a safety net and a solid bedrock she can lean on, a tour guide and a teacher, egging her on to try new things. As a parent, our relationship is one based on love, dedication, care, education and communication.”

Both Roger and his Russian wife Julia had to make the commitment to be both a mother and a father to Lena in completeness.

“We both have a career, so Lena needs to understand that even though we spend time together as a family, her mother and I have to be away for work. Otherwise, we are present in her life all the time, making choices to make sure one of us is with her when the other cannot.”

I simply held Lena and looked at her for a while. I was still in partial disbelief, but it dawned on me that she would now be the principal driving force in my life

Roger, who is a comic book and movie enthusiast, talks excitedly about one of the most memorable and iconic scenes from his favourite comic book character Superman, played by Christopher Reeve. He is fascinated by the opening sequence, in which Superman’s dad, Jor-el, played by Marlon Brando, saves his only son from the destruction of his planet Krypton by sending him to earth on a spaceship. The father’s parting gifts to his son are strength and wisdom.

“These qualities, together with hope and faith in her fellow human beings in all their diversity, are qualities I’d like Lena to have. It is with this courage and fearlessness that I want her to face life and achieve success. I would like her to grow and take the risk of thinking for herself; much more happiness, truth, beauty and wisdom will come to her that way,” says Roger, whose Filipino father wasn’t always around when he was a child as he worked on an exploration cruise ship.

Roger wishes his daughter would look up to him in the same way that he admired his father. Visiting exotic parts of the world and taking photographers and tourists on expeditions to far-off destinations, Roger’s father spent month-long stretches not seeing his son, very often communicating with satellite phone calls that “cost a few days’ salary at the time”, hand-written letters, telegraphs and telexes.

“Not seeing my dad as much as I wanted to is probably the reason why I’m not so keen on being away from my daughter for a long time. I don’t think I could stay away from my family in the same way my father did. However, even though he wasn’t physically present, he was very much there in spirit in whatever I did.

“I always wanted to live up to my father’s expectations. Every picture he sent from the tribes living by the Amazon river, from the natives on Easter Island, from the Galapagos and from the Arctic and Antarctic was, to me, a page from the comic book in which he was the superhero.

“My father is my hero, my inspiration and I owe a lot of who I am today to him. I hope my daughter says the same about me, eventually. The child becomes the father and the father the child.”

Not being the stereotypical father figure, Roger says his rhetoric is very much based on ‘parenthood’ rather than ‘fatherhood’. He has an aberration towards views that children ‘belong’ to parents to do with them as they please and is not too keen about ‘parental rights’.

“My daughter is her own person and, as her father, I find I need to be involved in everything she does and to be aware of her needs as a growing person. Even at this young age, I try to get her to participate in decisions that concern her. This is the way I see what being a father, a mother or a parent is all about: leading children in their life, not owning it.”

Roger believes no two dads are the same. “I am who I am and that means being a father to Lena is going to be as individual and as unique as I am. I try to be the best person I can for my daughter so she can eventually have a role model.

“This decision can be easily taken by a mother, a stepfather or stepmother or a foster parent. So rather than tying myself with preconceived perceptions of what kind of father I should be, I try to empty my cup and strive towards excellence in everything. This value is one of the best inspirations we can give to our children.”

Describing how he felt at seeing his baby daughter for the very first time, Roger said he was silenced in awe and couldn’t utter any words: “Just like seeing a work of art of great aesthetic importance and incalculable value, such as the statue of David, the Mona Lisa, La Pietà, or a beautiful sunset that turns the sky into a palette of colours. I simply held Lena and looked at her for a while. I was still in partial disbelief, but it dawned on me that she would now be the principal driving force in my life.”

After memorising the scripts of Peter Pan and Pinocchio, Roger then spends time with his daughter acting out the dialogues together.

Father and daughter have a good time at the swings, zooming around with a scooter, watching Disney musicals on television and other live musicals and ballet shows. There are also the occasional walks in gardens, where Roger goes into teacher mode, explaining to Lena about the flowers and the ducks and fish in the ponds.

“I’m not sure she understands everything but she listens attentively and I’m pleased to see her eyes full of wonder at every insect or animal. I hope she will never grow out of it,” says Roger, whose daughter has also changed the way he looks at his teaching profession.

Coming from a musical and theatrical background, he sums it up poetically: “If all the world’s a stage and we are the actors and life’s one great play, having a child felt like the production changed its director and scriptwriter and everything had to be reshuffled. The general gist, or the plot, is still there but new sub-plots are added, enriching the script tremendously.

“Centre stage and spotlight now have to be shared with this new lead actress. Sacrifices need to be made, priorities changed, but all in all, having my daughter made me into a better, more aware person.

“Lena also made me more politically and socially aware. I have become somewhat of an activist towards the issues I find important, simply because now I feel I have a duty towards my daughter to spend as much energy as I can to build a world that is better for her.”