Emperor Nero fiddled while Rome burned. Labour ministers douse themselves with cold water while the sack of Malta continues. While the law is breached with impunity and hundreds of people help themselves to public land, the ministers who should be kicking up a massive fuss about it are giggling as the ice cubes melt on their heads.

We read that the houses in the illegally-built settlement – far from being a shanty town – of Armier, are having smart meters installed. This is the final craven admission that the Labour government is continuing where the PN government left off, in its condoning of illegalities.

Elsewhere, kiosk owners encroach on public land, restricting access to the foreshore, to the pavement and practically everywhere else. Soon the whole country will be one giant greasy takeaway.

Traffic experts confirm what we knew all along – that if Mepa continued (as it did, and as it does) to grant permits for multi-storey tower blocks – we’re going to be facing gridlock in many places. Sightings of the Mepa enforcement unit are rarer than those of unicorns. Concrete has been poured over Comino and the authorities cannot figure out why.

There’s a little permit issue about the zoo at Montekristo Estates. Owner Charles Polidano has the lions and tigers moved to another enclosure, has ice cold water thrown over him and challenges the Mepa CEO to do the same. Environment Minister Leo Brincat wades into this farcical chaos. He writes an article informing us that last week he entrusted an eminent ecologist to prepare a national outline plan for the potential afforestation of Malta.

Malta burns, trees are being uprooted every day and we can look forward to a plan where we can plant weak saplings.

It’s beyond pathetic.

But what happens the next time another viral charity-drive comes around?

• By now, the ice bucket challenge would have dried up and the viral bandwagon would have sped on to the next fad, leaving only a few stragglers in its wake. We’ve heard practically all the reasons for and against dousing yourself with ice-cold water. ‘It’s a great way to promote awareness about a little-known disease (Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis) and raise funds.’ Well, yes, it is I suppose. And in a world where attention-spans are getting shorter and shorter, anything that gets eyeball-time and hopefully some donations – it can’t be bad.

A friend of mine remarked that it’s a DIY and budget way of getting one’s 15 minutes of fame without going through the attendant hassle of actually doing something, such as writing a hit song, writing a book or creating a work of art.

There’s that, of course. But let’s say that harnessing people’s ‘Look-at-me, I’m such a good sport’ while engaging in some harmless self-soaking manages to drum up funds for a charitable cause, we’d have to conclude that the positives of this initiative outweigh the negatives.

The one aspect I find unbecoming is that of heads of State engaging in such stunts.

President Marie-Louise Coleiro Preca got drenched to loud applause – always for a good cause, we hear. But what happens the next time another viral charity-drive comes around? Will the President decline to wear pigtails and a foam beard for multiple sclerosis? Will she take up the challenge to wear a bikini over her suit and howl at the moon to raise awareness of testicular cancer?

What about the custard pie challenge for fybromyalgia? Or the dye-your-hair-pink-for-the day drive for diabetes?

Having accepted the ice bucket challenge, on what grounds can the President refuse to participate in such initiatives? After all, they would be for an equally good cause and it would be heartless to discriminate against sufferers of different conditions.

Would the President decline on the basis that it would be slightly inappropriate for her to go around being ridiculous on one challenge after another?

It’s a bit too late for that, isn’t it, seeing that there has been the almost universal acceptance that it’s okay for our leaders not to be stuffy and fogeyish (And, of course, the only way to prove that one isn’t a stick in the mud is get doused in water). So when the next charity drive comes around, the President and our elected leaders will have no option but to bow their head and scrabble onto the ‘For a Good Cause/I’m Such a Sport Bandwagon’.

Watch that screen near you. It’s only a matter of time before you see the President wearing bunny ears for bulimia after Joseph Muscat has a whopping great peace sign branded across his bottom and Simon Busuttil initially declines and then tattoos his nose for world peace.

cl.bon@nextgen.net.mt