It was Valentine’s Day this week, and already we have heard of a kink in one of the world’s most public love relationships, that between the Pope and our Lord, a love affair which lasted eight intense years and which will remain known for the Pope’s absolute faith in God and in his custom-made, white convertible.
What is it that men see in their car that tickles their fancy?
But for many other men I know, there exists another god, another religion that they worship with Pope-like conviction. For many, their car, ride, set of wheels, automobile, call it what you may, is their prime faith.... Yet their fundamental worship of a ton of metal on four rubber wheels powered by a guzzling engine, baffles me not the least, since my passion in life goes beyond that.
What is it that men see in their car that tickles their fancy? Some have a fetish for the old, some classic, others vintage; some like them fast, some like them big, some sleek, some robust. They come in all sorts and shapes. Men who don’t know what a toilet brush is, men who never grabbed a mop in their hands or even bothered to rinse the bath or the sink after shaving, will heap bucketfuls of water onto their car, cleaning it from under the wheel-arches to the inside leather seats.
Quite a few men live and dream about their car. They will spend half their time downstairs in the basement garage, just admiring the shine on their car, and the other half of their time at the office dreaming of it, with only the remaining time dedicated to their partner.
I read recently that while 53 per cent of car owners wash their cars every month, 16 per cent never do – and I’m one of them.
The same article also stated that more than 10 per cent of men love their emotionless cars more than their wife or girlfriend.
Is it because cars don’t come with mothers-in-law (no offence to mine)? Is it because cars don’t care whether we close the toothpaste or whether we drip on the toilet seat? Is it because cars don’t expect flowers on Valentine’s Day or because we don’t have to do the shopping on Saturday mornings? Is it because cars don’t keep telling us to back off, to slow down, to keep our eyes on the road, to mind the cones, etc etc? Is it because they’re less expensive? The truth is that many talk about their cars as if talking about themselves.
Except from gadgets, money and power, cars can get very, very close to a man’s heart. A man finds in a car a silent partner in crime and abuse. We’d break speed limits together, avoid speed cameras, park on yellow lines and get away with it without any nagging from the passenger seat.
Another study in Spain suggested that men see their car as their ‘home’ where they would relax, relate and enjoy within their space.
Notwithstanding all the above, the outcome of the contest between woman and car is obvious and must be obvious to all.
Now it is already ridiculous that women are compared to cars. Nothing should and nothing can compare to the stature of a woman.
So if you associate yourself with the car-loving fanatics referred to above, try keeping your garage door locked today and give your woman a huge cuddle and dedicate your time, dedicate your full attention to your woman for nothing can replace her love towards you.
www.timesofmalta.com/sections/view/motoring