Throughout the years parents have always wanted to better the lot of their children – where possible to give them a superior education – the advantages of life that perhaps they themselves never had.
Cash becomes equated with love
I remember as a child I had basically three sets of clothes – my school clothes, Sunday best and odds and ends for playing in. I never felt deprived. Years later my mother told me she always insisted I had new clothes to wear when I grew out of my old ones. I asked why and her response was simple.
She was no. 3 daughter and had to wear the hands-me-downs from sisters 1 and 2. So she vowed her daughters would always have new clothes! As for me, as a parent, I loved buying clothes for my daughter and she ended up with literally wardrobes of clothes… I suppose it all stemmed from my having only three sets of new (originally) and wanting her to have more – just like my mother wanting me to have new instead of her seconds.
However, my little outline above is, I think, an anecdote – a precursor to show how the ‘times they are a changing’.
Today things have transformed and children, to my mind, are holding their parents to ransom – they know Mum and Dad want to do the best for them… and so they really hold out to get the best.
Life is becoming one long round of one-up-man ship – learnt from a very young age... ’must haves’ can make or break the street cred of the child… (image now is so very important!)… the latest mobile phone, ultra-sophisticated all-singing, all-dancing TV or designer jeans.
And, parents eager to give their children more than they had – buy, buy, buy and buy. Peer pressure rules with an iron fist… Children can be very cruel and parents want to avoid the injured pride (and tantrums) of their child cominghome from a party, for example, distraught because some fashion-bully laughed at their precious angels’ outfit. What are today’s children going to do for their offspring?
Modern advertising is also to blame, with subliminal pressure being put on parents – some adverts imply that if you don’t buy brand XYZ, then your child will be disadvantaged. Emotions kick in and you feel like a bad parent – depriving your offspring of a much-needed aid to their development... so the circle continues as your child (so attuned to sensing parental discomfort) picks up on this immediately and responds by getting even more whiney.
After all, would a good parent refuse to give their child something so essential? (deep down I feel children have become less happy – they seem to be more preoccupied with what they don’t have, instead of enjoying what they have – and, as parents we sub-consciously foster this).
One of the problems today is that we don’t have enough time in the day to fit everything in. Many parents feel by giving into to their children, it abrogates their responsibility of simply being with them. Cash becomes equated with love.
The more you give the more you love. It is nothing to do with giving your child more than what you had as a child, and bettering their existence.
Children are now spending more time in their room watching movies, chatting on social networks or playing computer games… so family communication is gradually breaking down. No longer do we sit together for meals – TV suppers on our knees means no family chit-chat as the ‘gogglebox’ takes over.
Communication is so vital and important in a child’s development. A night time story, laughter as they recount the fun they had swimming or when you all visited Granny and she forgot to switch the oven on to cook dinner…
Is this really what we want for our children? A life limited to the metallic noises coming from a machine instead of the laughter and banter of a family together? All in the name of ensuring children have more than what we did?
Perhaps I am painting a jaundiced picture… as there are many families indeed who are closely bound together – but they are increasingly becoming a rare species.
Yes, we want to give our children more than what we had... but is the price of breakdown in the family – and indeed in the children’s ability to communicate without a euro sign in their eyes – ‘worth keeping up with the Jones’?