Thursday, 16th April 2009
First Experience. Second Home. Third Age.
I am typing this piece in the gazebo situated in the middle of the very large garden of my second home. A gentle breeze mitigates the heat. The chirping of the birds mixes with the sound of the water falling into the swimming pool and the cries of the swans gently gliding in their our pond.
It is very relaxing.
Not everything, though, is so idyllic in my second home. It has become so not because I bought it, but because three years ago my father became one of its residents. His condition necessitated this hard and heart breaking move. My second home is Casa Antonia, a residential nursing home for the elderly which almost touches San Anton Gardens. I spend between three and four hours daily at Casa Antonia. That is why I call it my second home! This is my first direct experience with old age, nicely called the Third Age.
Do not romanticise old age
Some people tend to romanticise old age. I definitively do not!
I discovered that old age is indeed a complex reality! Some old people are still healthy enough to keep on going about their own business, even driving their own cars. Others are bed ridden. Their universe has shrunk to a motorised bed. Others live in a world of their own due to their dementia. Some, less fortunate, live a life of almost continuous physical pain. Like all of us, the old need a lot of care and love, but because of their vulnerability, they need more than most of us do. Besides taking care of my father, together with another priest, I try to minister to the Third Agers. Mass is celebrated every day in the Casa and communion is distributed to those who are bed ridden. In these last three years, I celebrated the sacrament of the anointing of the sick more times than I had celebrated it during my previous 30 years as a priest.
The physical care is in the hands of the nurses and carers. Working with old people is not an easy task. One needs lots of patience, care and love besides professional training. Many times, theirs seem to be a thankless job, and it is generally a tiresome job. However, a most necessary job it surely is. I thank all of those (especially nurses and carers working in the Wing) whose dedication makes my father’s life more comfortable and dignified.
The invisibility of the old
The number of old people is on the increase. Most probably there is no family in Malta which does not have to deal with the problems that old age brings with it. There are more families affected by this than there are families affected by drug abuse or alcoholism. This notwithstanding, the drug and alcohol problems are present on the national agenda more than issues that have to do with old people. The number of homosexuals is definitively smaller than the number of old men and women. However, homosexuality is present on the media more than old age.
A number of factors explain this. I think that drugs and homosexuality can be dramatised and/or glamorised more than old age, consequently the media projects the former much more than it does the latter. The gay lobby, for example, is quite strong and vociferous. It is not too difficult for it to have its voice heard. On the other hand there is no lobby for and of the Third Agers.
The media manufacture our agendas and we generally discuss issues that have to do with drug abuse more than old age. There are other reasons as well. Old age is the harbinger of death. No one of us would like to admit publicly that he or she is going to die. Therefore, we try to emarginate old age and its concomitant problems from the centre stage of the media. There is also the perception that old people are generally well off. Ask any fundraiser how difficult it is to raise money, for example, for old people’s homes.
For all these reasons, and others perhaps, the old are to a certain extent invisible though very well visible in face-to-face contacts.
Homes and homes away from home
All efforts should be done to keep old people in their homes. Nevertheless, try as one can, the reality that some would need to be admitted to a home exists and will be more acute tomorrow than it is today. The number of places in old people’s homes increased in recent years but it is still not enough. Over 700 people are on the waiting lists of St Vincent de Paule alone!
The private sector has entered this field which was previously reserved for state and church. This intervention provided more places and more rooms … quite naturally at a price. Government had introduced a measure of help in the form of tax credits. Another positive initiative was the introduction of a number of private-public partnerships. Government owned homes are run by private enterprise or government subsidises a number of places in some private homes. These are very good initiatives but surely more has to be done to cope with the problem.
Strangely enough, homes run by Church institutions have been left out of the equation. At one time the religious ran these homes and expenses were contained. To-day the number of laypersons in such homes outnumbers the number of the religious. Expenses are on the increase and homes run by the Church have financial problems which, most probably, the Church on its own cannot solve. On the other hand, it should be unthinkable for the Church – though some are saying the contrary – to close its homes for the old. I think it would make a lot of sense to consider state-church partnerships in this sector as well.
I strongly believe that the problem will only be reasonable tackled if civil society becomes involved much more to provide services for old people in their own homes or in state, church or privately run homes. There are all sorts of groups and associations taking care of all sectors of society but not enough is done for old people by civil society. This is a pity. Will it ever be remedied?
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Comments
I saw the comment re gay/drug comparison coming as i was midway through reading the article :-). Fr. Joe the article is very good and creates the awareness necessary, but agree with Attard that to show that the old are not given enough awareness we do not need to compare to ANYONE, be them gays, drug addicts, cats or dogs. The article itself is worth the discussion it brought about without the need to stray :-). No offense was clearly meant but being politically correct is today becoming so much of a burden that unfortunately we occasionally miss the wood for the trees.
The article itself
What to do when faced with such a difficult question? Comments by Jessica DB and J Tonna make sense.
My contribution:
Like most other things in life, this needs more marketing and more awareness and this article is already a good start. Volontarjat is a strong word, which thankfully is strong in many factions in Malta but agreeably subject needs much more and more awareness. Local councils could possibly work in direct liaison with the Parish. These are surely two very important "pedini" in the equation. There are many 61 +....
Contd...
....who can still be active due to lower committments. There has to be a central organisation responsible for effective co-ordination. Though difficult to come by, voluntary helpers do come forward offering their committed services in so many aspects of life, be it the preparation of flowers for church, helping with the organisation of a sporting event...There are SO MANY positive aspects seldom appreciated. We need to encourage this virtue of helping others. Again this can be in so many different areas. The elderly is one of them. Every person has a role to play . The church has its pulpit where to market this. Government has its own means, local councils their own, and we plebei have to actively DO SOMETHING, and encourage others to do something. Even merely writing about it is honourable. What am I doing to make this a better world? Do i need to go to Africa to be effective in helping others? Yes, some do, but there is so much that can be done next to my own home, down the street. My mission might be voluntary running of a sports organisation, yours helping the elderly...my key point...strengthen VOLONTARJAT by all possible means.
I mentioned drugs and gays not because there is any intrinsic connection between then but only because these are two issues well represented by an organised lobby.
One contributor mentioned the Day Centres, some of which are very well patronised. But sometimes the Centres’ management do not organise anything for the elderly and they just finish talking, knitting or playing cards. Volunteers, even from amongst the elderly themselves, may organise talks, games and other activities which interest the elderly.
Something else I am looking forward to see are the Night Shelters, where elderly people living on their own may go to sleep in security. Naturally these should be well organised and all logistics studied and applied according to the area they are in. My suggestion is that Night Shelters should be built not far from Health Centres, as everyone knows the elderly may need emergency medical attention both during the day and during the night.
I did not object to Fr. Borg comparing homosexuals and senior citizens, but to his implication that the fact that there are more senior citizens than gay men and lesbians somehow means that the latter's issues should be given less prominence. To make an analogy, imagine if we had to say "There are much less persons with disabilities in this world than there are senior citizens, and yet we hear much more about disability because they have a vociferous lobby!"
As for your second objection, I'm not saying that gay issues are not up for discussion (nothing is excluded from debate in a pluralistic society), but I disagree with Fr. Borg lumping homosexuality with drug addiction as if it were another harmful social problem.
On a different note, congratulations to Fr. Borg for his article on this Sunday's Times about dialogue with nonbelievers. It's a breath of fresh air.
And Mr. Attard, don’t you think that you are stretching it too far? Drugs – alcoholism – homosexuality – third age - animal sanctuaries - etc. etc……
They are just topics for discussion. I’m sure Fr. Joe meant no disrespect.
Mr. Attard, it is evident that you strongly object to Fr. Joe’s statement - “The number of homosexuals is definitively smaller than the number of old men and women. However, homosexuality is present on the media more than old age.”
Why should the word ‘homosexual’ raise so much ire every time it is mentioned? Do homosexuals exercise an inalienable right not to be used as an analogy, to stress a point in favour of a situation that needs to be addressed, which incidentally, in this particular case, includes homosexuals as well?
Would you have preferred Fr. Joe to stress his point by comparing the old people issue with the cats/dogs sanctuaries which seem to rate much more importance and are rather more vociferously championed than our elderly people?
At least he is comparing like with like – human beings.
There is a considerable lack of social support in all areas in Malta and undoubtedly the introduction of such would mean a significant stress on the tax payers, but are there any other choices?
moving from one stage to another is heart breaking and very hard to understand.
I too have my mother at Casa Antonia .All workers do a sterling job. One need to be .
dedicated and trained to deal with the ederly. The management deserve a thought too because they do their very best to see that our loved ones are given all the attention they need. Keep the good work and thank you.
Part 2.
Raising Funds for the sustainability of such an endeavour could involve the senior citizens themselves. Many of them would welcome a diversion (from their real or imaginary ailments) in the form of producing little things such as lace, ganutil, knitted or crotcheted objects, model making, etc…. which could be raffled during certain events where their own relatives would be invited. I would assume that the relatives would be only too willing to help out. A stall could be set up during the village festa and such objects would be for sale.
It is amazing how ideas start to formulate once you set the ball rolling but there has to be the right persons willing to dedicate some of their time.
““There are all sorts of groups and associations taking care of all sectors of society but not enough is done for old people by civil society. This is a pity. Will it ever be remedied?””
Part 1.
Aren’t there any volunteers ready to take on this non profit making responsibility? It could be proposed as a joint effort with the local council. Obviously a sub-committee would have to be set up and the logistics would have to be worked out responsibly.
The senior citizens should be left free to choose to have these services rendered at a nominal fee so as not to rob them of their dignity. (For they might interpret it as accepting charity)
A hot meal on a regular basis and a home visit every now and then, with the occasional clean-up, could do wonders for the morale of the house-bound senior citizen.
I am aware that certain local councils have set up day-centres where the elderly who are mobile, could meet and socialize. It would be laudable if this initiative, as well as the above proposed, were to be adopted by all 68 local councils.
Continued…
Believe me, there are few things as sad as seeing a loved one slowly change into a totally different personality totally dependent on someone for everything. It is so easy to cheat or fool them - even to mock them. Actions which must be condemned.
When they reach the stage that they don't recognize their children must be heart breaking. Still, I see many of these children visiting their mother regularly even though they know she doesn't know who they are.
I think these children deserve a special place in heven.
Not all grand parents have the stamina to start raising children second time around. But they do it out of love of their children and grandchildren, but the stress soon starts to tell on them. By the time that their services are no longer required, they would have arrived at a stage when they themselves are in need of care but unfortunately, circumstances require that they be transferred to a home (as comfortable as it may be but nevertheless not their home).
Ideally, bed-ridden people should stay in familiar surroundings with familiar faces to minister to their needs but it is getting to be an impossibility especially since the size of the family has shrunk so much that the burden could not rest on just the shoulders of the immediate family.
I can remember a time when neighbours bothered to keep an eye on some elderly people living in their area. At times their many siblings would take turns to sleep with the elderly even at the expense of the annoyance of the sibling concerned.
But society is changing and this practice is dying out. Most women are working mums nowadays with not enough time on their hands to raise their child or two, let alone bother about the well being of their elderly neighbours.
To top it all, grandparents are called upon to assume the irksome task of taking care of the grand children when the parents are at work. Some grandparents might not relish this arrangement but they are constrained to do it often at the detriment of their own well being.
continued...
My better half tells me that the elderly people me met last week were not in Cospicua, but somewhere totally different!!!!
Opps, my momory's playing tricks!
Apologies.
Homes are one way of helping the elderly. But various members of society can contribute.
Neighbours and relatives, for example. Where my mum lives, a community within a community has formed where those who are mobile and agile help around with the others, buying groceries, taking a piece of paper with the shopping list to the vegetable vendor, etc. In the meantime, these see how the other is feeling, and offer company.
Last week I was in Cospicua, and came across a few elderly people living in a home. They went out together and on their way bought some stuff for those at the home. Solidarity is the word.
In some African societies (that we are so often prepared to attack) the elderly are viewed with respect, their experience is held in high esteem and the young ones take it on themselves to assure that these lack nothing in life. Perhaps we could learn a thing or two from them.
I am quite sure that if we manage our time properly (and stop looking at the profit and loss) we can contribute to this issue.
Thanks Fr. Borg for bringing up this subject.
Old age is indeed very complex. Perhaps that is why so many try to put this away. There are people who are afraid of getting old. It is a reality that we seem afraid to embrace.
The issue of illnesses seems to take over the benefits of the experience of life. As Fr. Borg well explained, we are bombarded by a media that is keener to dramatise flashy issues rather than highlight the aches and pains of society.
We talk about inclusion in society for all, and then decide to put away the ageing at the bottom shelf where no one looks. Perhaps afraid that it will mirror our future.
These are people that have done so much for us and for our country, that we shall never be able to pay them back. Giving them some love, care and dignity in the last days of their lives is the minimum we can do.
The other day, an ageing person (who has some health problems) told me: “I’m not afraid of dying – I just cannot stand suffering and pain”.
That really hurt.