Sunday, 21st September 2008
In search of a sense of humour
Last week’s blog – The secular goose and the Episcopal gander – created quite a stir. It even made it to the top ten of most commented. I was a bit surprised though, as I never suspected that so many people are so devoid of a sense of humour.
To try and pull the leg of those who describe Archbishop Cremona as a prisoner of the Curia I painted a scene where the evil monsinjuri konservattivi tortured him till he accepted to deliver the Victory Day homily. To make it seem more realistic and at the same time less believable I mentioned people by name. All of them are my friends, some of them very close ones. They all took it in their stride, enjoyed reading the piece which made them laugh.
Unfortunately some other people found the piece offensive and in bad taste. They sent SMSs and emails and phoned the priests mentioned in the piece to express their solidarity. Why do I hate them so much, they asked my friends in sheer horror not to write terror? They counselled them to seek legal advice and institute libel action.
Fortunately there was no one except Victoria Grech who tendered the advice that I be tied up in chains and hauled in front of the Inquisition. No one suggested – as far as I could gather – that harsh canonical censures be imposed on me. Neither did I receive letters exhorting me to dress in sack cloth, cover myself in ashes and beat my breast while loudly proclaiming my sins and crying my eyes out in repentance.
Secularism in the heart of the Church
All these shenanigans have a greatly worrying aspect. I do not refer to the lack of sense of humour that some have. There is something worse. The ladies and gentlemen who were so easily offended have shown, albeit unknowingly, how much the spirit of secularism has infiltrated our Catholic culture and mentality. Had this not been the case they would have asked for ecclesiastical sanctions. But even these defenders of religion have become so secularised that they asked for a civil remedy i.e. a libel case and not a canonical one.
It is a pity that so many people take themselves too seriously. Like the superior of the convent in the film In the Name of the Rose they tend to think that laughing or smiling is a sin or at least should be considered as one. Perhaps they organise a petition to try and add it to the list of new sins that the media “discover” from time to time.
A fellow Seminarian – way back in the 1970s - used to say that “jekk tidhaq tmut u jekk ma tidhaqx tmur xorta wahda, allura ahjar tidhaq.” Good advice, indeed, I think. But see where this mentality landed him. He left the Seminary and eventually became a protestant pastor. (This is true. Cross my heart and hope to die.)
Perhaps laughing and smiling should be considered as an enemy of the Church after all. But what would we do with good Pope John Paul I and his beautiful smile? “They” already took care of him as even he, it is rumoured, was killed by the evil monsinjuri konservattivi.
Serious about people’s humour
A sense of humour is not just a laughing matter. They say it is good for relationships, betters your health, pacifies troublesome circumstances etc. So much so that it is the subject of many a study.
- aLast year Hugo Carretero Dios, researcher in the Department of Social Psychology and Methodology of Behavioural Science at the University of Granada presented his doctoral thesis called Sentido del Humor: Construcción de la Escala de Apreciación del Humor (Sense of humour: building of the appreciation of humour scale). Carretero Dios analysed more than 1,500 people between the ages of 18 and 80. An equal number of men and women formed the sample. The earth shaking conclusion of the study was that there are no universally good or bad jokes for both women and men and points out that women have changed their humorous preferences.
But did we need a doctoral thesis to know that not everyone laughs in the same way at the same jokes? Or that some people find something funny while others would not consider the same thing in like manner? But let me comment no futher lest I be accused that I am poking fun on academia.
Carretero Dios observed a generational change in the women’s preferences to the different types of humour. “There has been a change in women’s values and roles in our society. In people over 45-50, we observed that both men and women laughed more at jokes degrading to women than those degrading to men”. At the same time, both men and women showed more rejection to jokes degrading to men.
The report on the study I lifted from the Internet (http://prensa.ugr.es/prensa/research/verNota/prensa.php?nota=454) says that among the participants between 18-25 years old, the trend was different and men and women had different reactions. Men laugh more at jokes degrading to women and reject those degrading to men. By contrast, women laugh more at jokes degrading to men and reject those degrading to women.
To show that humour is a serious thing let all ignoramuses know that there is such a thing as the International Society of Humour Studies which, among other things, organises the International Humour Conference during which no one can stop them laughing. There is also an International Journal of Humor Research. This is rumoured to be the most important scientific journal in the world on the study of sense of humour.
Those who World like to beef their humour can contact Prof. Hugo Carretero Dios. Department of Social Psychology and Methodology of Behavioural Science of the University of Granada on email: hugocd@ugr.es">hugocd@ugr.es Web: http://www.titiritas.org
They can seek counsel on how to laugh to their heart’s content ….. seriously.
PS. I hope that people post comments in a light vein as well. There are too many who post comments as if they are writing the most important thing since the Magna Carta.
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Comments
http://www.guardian.co.uk/stage/2005/sep/29/comedy.religion
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"
Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over
He said, "God if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"
Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying, "Here I am God, I'm still waiting"
He got down to the last couple of minutes and a Huge 250-pound rugby player happened to walk by the door and heard what the professor said.
The rugby player walked into the classroom and in the last minute, he walked up, hit the professor full force, and sent him flying off the platform.
The professor got up, obviously shaken and said, "Where did you come from, and why did you do that?"
The football player replied, "God was busy; He sent me!"
His mother was perturbed fearing excessive discipline but the boy remained tight lipped denying he had ever been punished for anything. Unconvinced the mother insisted on a straight answer. The boy sheepishly admitted that he had decided to start studying his maths of his own accord as soon as he say the man that the nun had nailed to the plus sign in the classroom.
(not so funny...but sobering since we do have lots of these around)
http://www.scribd.com/doc/1273/Top-Ten-Signs-Youre-a-Fundamentalist-Christian
Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first.
"Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."
God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"
Bill replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."
God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."
God then address Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?"
"I believe you're in my chair."
Tsk!Tsk! Can't one have a blonde moment? Apologies to Anthony Charles...
So this calls for a blonde joke..
PS I don’t like Beano. I read Bunty, it has more pictures.
Blond medical terminology
Artery -- Study of paintings
Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section -- District in Rome
Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- Sheep dog
Coma -- A punctuation mark
Congenital -- Friendly
Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events
Dilate -- To live long
Enema -- Not a friend
Fibula -- A small lie
Hangnail -- Coathook
Labor pain -- Got hurt at work
Morbid -- Higher offer
Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate
Secretion -- Hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- Study of knighthood
Tablet -- Small table
Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport
Urine -- Opposite of you're out
Ohhh I must atone! Pass me the whip... hehe I am not in S&M...just martyrdom
This link might interest you. Books are all available on Amazon. Enjoy.
http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/books/book_extracts/article4773601.ece
Most probably you are one of those people who think that any kind of humour is not intellectual. It is far more easier to be impressed by Magna Cartas however convoluted they may be than by witty sayings and funny stories.
My job entails reading serious stuff so I welcome any diversion especially non-intellectual material. I enjoyed going on this blog everyday this past week to check new jokes and stories. So thank you to all those who contributed!
- I like Jesus, but he loves me, so it's awkward..
- I like David Beckham. Most of us have skeletons in our closet. But he takes his out in public
(from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival)
@ Fr Joe....
Next blog it's the serious stuff eh? I thought that searching for the national funny bone was serious stuff enough... but as you said, thank God we do have one though we discovered it at his expense...
For the next one, unleash the torch-wielding, pitch-forked 'villagers' who were just waiting for this blog to pass like a bad rash.... :)))))))
You have totally misunderstood what Anthony Charles said. Go and read the Beano, dear Ms Borg . . . . . it was always a fun publication and now even more so.
I bet that Amos Oz guy was talking about you. I never had so much fun on any Times blog before this one came along. Some of the jokes were very funny and clever. Go read the Financial Times dear Mr Charles...it was always gloomy but now even more so.
"What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.
"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job." replied the Priest.
"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.
"Well, next I can become Bishop." said the Priest.
"Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi.
"If I work real hard and do a good job as Bishop, it's possible for me to become an Archbishop." said the Priest.
"O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi.
"With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal."
"And then?" asked the Rabbi.
"With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope", replied the Priest.
"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.
"Good grief!" shouted the Priest. "What do you expect me to become, GOD?"
"Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"
They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course). That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about 'normal' tricks.
"Well," they said, "let's try this out."
Once more they called out to the dog, and then clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!"
Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.
When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.
Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behaviour that made them squirm in their seats.
Finally, the banker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"
The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."
"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest.
It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.
THE VATICAN ........................ Now there's a goOD JOKE!
Our (mis)Concept of Patriarchal Authority, who, it can be said, inhabits the metaphysical sphere, privileged be your signifier.
May your social structure achieve dominance.
May the enactment of your desire be manifested throughout the physical-metaphysical dichotomy.
Empower us this day with the means of material production, And refuse to enforce sanctions against our behavior which some see as subversions of a moral perspective, just as we refuse to marginalize the moral perspectives of others who have exerted their individuality.
Don't lead us into situations that some would (mis)understand as detrimental to the full expression of our humanness, but liberate us from the concept of "evil."
For yours is the hegemony, and the dominance, and perceived mystification within the entire continuum of the Western concept of linear time.
Agender nuet
Proof that Jesus was...
...Jewish:
1. He went into his father's business.
2. He lived at home until the age of 33.
3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.
...Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He never held a steady job.
3. His last request was a drink.
...Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.
...Black:
1. He called everybody brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
...Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But the most compelling evidence of all - proof that Jesus was a WOMAN:
1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2 . He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. Even when he was dead, He had to get up because there was more work for him to do
My favorite is Dave Allen : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxo81Ok9Urk
Ten commandments for bloggers
1 You shall not put your blog before your integrity
2 You shall not make an idol of your blog
3 You shall not misuse your screen name by using your anonymity to sin
4 Remember the Sabbath day by taking one day off a week from your blog
5 Honour your fellow-bloggers above yourselves and do not give undue significance to their mistakes
6 You shall not murder someone else's honour, reputation or feelings
7 You shall not use the web to commit or permit adultery in your mind
8 You shall not steal another person's content
9 You shall not give false testimony against your fellow-blogger
10 You shall not covet your neighbour's blog ranking. Be content with your own content
from the Times Online UK
Church leaders have drawn up a new set of the Ten Commandments aimed at delivering “God bloggers” from the temptations of the blogosphere.
More here:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/faith/article4833275.ece
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration.
"You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew.
His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Five good leads," says Tommy
A Jewish father was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it. "I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive barmitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"
"Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he, too, tells me he has decided to become a Christian."
"What did you do?" asked the father.
"I turned to God for the answer" replied the Rabbi.
"And what did he say?" pressed the father.
"God said, 'Funny you should come to me...'
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glas bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom. Imagine his shock and surprise. Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something! But he certainly couldn't mention the strange sight in her parlour.
When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer. "Miss Bea", he said, gesturing toward the bowl, " I wonder if you would tell me about this"
"Oh, yes", she replied, " Isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package. It said to put it on the organ and keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know, I think it's working! I haven't had a cold all winter!"
A man flops down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie is stained, his face is smeared with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin is sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opens a newspaper and begins reading.
After a few minutes the guy turns to the priest and asks, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"Loose living; cheap, wicked woman; too much alcohol; and contempt for your fellow man," answers the priest.
"I'll be damned," the drunk mutters, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he said, nudges the man and apologizes. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to be so harsh. How long have you had arthritis?"
"Oh, I don't have it, Father. It says here that the Pope does."
Check this out
http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/film/article4821208.ece
All together now: 'Always look on the bright side of life' (Life of Brian, Monty Python 1979)
Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss." And the Lord said, "You've done well Adam. And now, I want you to make love to Eve." And Adam asked, "What is 'make love', Lord?" So, the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds. And Adam said, "Lord, what is a 'headache'?"
"I believe that Christ was a non-violent peaceful revolutionary who brought significant positive changes in the world"
The Christian doctor replies:
"How dare you!!!"
I never write anything in the comments section because I am not much of a writer but I would like to tell you that this week was so refreshing to read the comments in your blog. Because for once no one is fighting or arguing but posting jokes. I know that this will be over soon but I just wanted to tell you that I appreciated this interlude.
Keep the jokes coming people! Time is running out!
Stan Boardman
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquired the man. "There is more than one type?"
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras," she replied.Confused, the man asked what the types were. The saleslady replied, "The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, the Presbyterian type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"
Still confused, the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"
The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple... the Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills."
-- Voltaire
He heard, "Jesus is watching you!" again and then he really wondered who wassaying that. He turned on the flashlight, scanned the room, and finally saw a parrot.
"Did you say that?" asked the burgler.
"Yes," replied the parrot.
"By the way, what's your name?" the burgler inquired."Moses," answered the parrot.
"That's a strange name for a parrot. Who named you that?"
"The same people who named their rotweiller Jesus!"
MEMO FROM THE VATICAN
Due to lack of funds we are closing down the LIMBO, children that will die un baptized will go straight to HELL, sorry for the inconvenience caused.
The management
LOL
In Search of the 2nd Commandment:
Though shall not bow down to them nor serve them: for I the Lord the God am a jealous God........
Thousands of Christians claims to have lost the 2nd Commandment, from the 10 Commd. that was given to them by Moses at the Old Testament, rescue teams from all over the world day and night searching in each and every corner of the world, "we started looking in the Roman Catholic churches first claimed a Roman Catholic but still No Clue, but as leaving one of the churches i got stopped by man on the road holding the Holy Bible in his hands and he asked" " brother it seems that you have lost your soul ! what is wrong and can i help you" I replied "well we Lost the 2nd commandment and we searched for it all over" This guy very calmly opened the Holy Bible to Exodus chapter 20 verse 4-5 and replied with a Positive smile on his face "is this what you are looking for ? Exo 20:4-5 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth ..
A diversion...great put-downs by the rich and famous about their peers:
You will either die on the gallows or of a loathsome disease.
- - - John Montague (to John Wilkes)
That depends on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.
- - - John Wilkes, in reply
Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend - if
you have one.
- - - George Bernard Shaw (to Winston Churchill)
Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend second - if there is
one.
- - - Churchill's reply
My dear Whistler, you leave your pictures in such a sketchy, unfinished state.
Why don't you ever finish them?
- - - Frederic Leighton (to James McNeill Whistler)
My dear Leighton, why do you ever begin yours?
- - - James McNeill Whistler, in reply
To err is Truman.- - - A popular joke in 1946
That's not writing, that's typing.- - -
Truman Capote (about Jack Kerouac's style)
She speaks five languages and can't act in any of them. - - -
John Gielgud (about Ingrid Bergman)
More great put-downs here:
http://www.heroandvillain.com/PDFs/PutDowns4.pdf
A woman pipes up and says "If you were my husband I would poison your coffee."
Fr. McNabb retorts: - "If you were my wife, I would drink it."
"I suppose you will send me to the eternal flames now".
St Peter smiles and replies:
"Oh, no...hell has nothing to do with flames. In fact, hell is in a sense a part of heaven. What happens is that we give unrepentent sinners the worst jobs. Now, since you have died an atheist, your job is to be a telephone operator answering, prayer calls".
At this point, the atheist was already feeling slightly worried, knowing that millions of prayers are said by the faithful every day. However, St Peter, being literally saintly, reassured him by saying:
"Of course, we do act on all prayers. God answers a quota, which it will be your duty to re-direct to Him, and leaves the rest for another day".
Not totally convinced, the atheist replies:
"And what shall I tell the people who happen to be over the day's quota?"
St Peter, smiling, replies:
"You can tell them: God? Sorry, you got the wrong number. There is no God".
The Methodists gathered in the corner and prayed.
The Baptists cried, "Where is the water?"
The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings.
The Lutherans posted a notice on the door declaring the fire was evil.
The Roman Catholics passed the plate to cover the damage.
The Jews posted symbols on the door hoping the fire would pass.
The Congregationalists shouted, "Every man for himself!"
The Fundamentalists proclaimed, "It's the vengeance of God!"
The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out.
The Christian Scientists concluded that there was no fire.
The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson who was to appoint a committee to look into the matter and submit a written report.
The secretary grabbed the fire extinguisher and put the fire out.
As he looks back, he sees the shark turn and head towards him. He's scared to death, and as he sees the jaws of the great white beast open, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"
In an instant, a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"
The man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"
The Lord replies, "As you wish".
As the atheist looks back, he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.
Shocked, the man watches as the huge beast closes its eyes, bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food which I am about to receive..."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, and a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a 100 euro bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.A very quiet, elderly and saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The parish priest asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the church and said, "I'll take him and him and him."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God...'"
The teacher asks the class to write a short composition dealing with four major subjects: religion, nobility, sex and mystery.
In a flash, Anna 's hand shoots up. Amazed at the rapid response, the teacher asks her to read her piece out loud.
"'Oh my God!' exclaimed the countess, 'I'm pregnant, and I don't know by whom.'"
Ronald Knox
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLUYo-Nc4zg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpA47o8E46U
You say lawyers were there first to create order from chaos. I'm a programmer, who do you think created all the chaos?
These are some jokes apparently told by kids...I found them in a website:
- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand
still and he obeyed him.
- David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar
- The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
More here:
http://parents.berkeley.edu/jokes/bible.html
Q: What kind of motor vehicles are there in the Bible?
- David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
- Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord.
- God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
- Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle: "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement
A lesson to those who grumble, grumble, grumble about everything. JT
How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only one. The rest are true stories.
Guess it’s yours then LOL
Apparently the link I sent in my previous post was broken...don't want y'all to miss on this
http://blog.christianitytoday.com/ctpolitics/2008/09/readers_say_was.html
http://timesonline.typepad.com/faith/2008/09/the-palin-carto.htmlhttp://blog.christianitytoday.com/ctpolitics/2008/09/readers_say_was.html
Ahhhh!!!!!!!! At last we get a peep from someone...Ken and I have been singing for our supper for nothin'..Apparently only you have a sense of humour since we got some sort of reaction from you.... which in itself is humourous enough...
The usual brand of Holy Lil'Elves are not around this time...maybe they're on their knees praying for our souls or they're too shocked to react.
When an atheist posts a joke that concludes that atheists are morons, well, it does not actually prove that one would have a sense of humour, but its a good indicator ;)
Nice jokes...but does that mean we have a sense of humour?
I wonder :)
This should be worn only by Christians with a sense of humour :P
http://www.bubbasikes.com/graphics/pins/FunnyBone.gif
A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I'm not an atheist."
Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a Christian."
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian.
"Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mum is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian."
The teacher is now angry.
"That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mum was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
She paused, and smiled.
"Then," says Lucy, "I'd be an atheist."
The couple sits for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?" Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground! "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer!?
ABC… milli jidher hemm wisa'
Joke 1. A car accident - out come the drivers fuming. It transpires that one of the drivers is a Catholic priest, the other a Jewish Rabbi. "Let's not quarrel", the Rabbi says, "I have a bottle of wine in my car...let us both drink to the glory of God". He brings out the bottle of wine and pours into two cups. The priest drinks the glass of wine and says, "very good wine...Rabbi, are you not going to drink?", to which the Rabbi replies: "On second thoughts, I'd rather wait for the traffic police to arrive".
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Joke 2. A Buddist monk goes to a hot-dog stand and tells the hot-dog vendor: "Make me one with everything". The Buddhist monk gives him 20 Euros. After a minute or two, the monk tells the vendor: "Are you not going to give me the change?", to which the vendor replies: "Change only comes from within".
@ Fr Joe…
I was taught to see God in everything…so now do I get a star or a holy picture? hehe
@ Kenneth
About your quandary…I am sure the following have passed through your mind in this tech age…Sorry. God is not a techie… Jesus is more 'with it'…in fact ‘Jesus Saves’ hehe
Does God have an email address?
http://www.funnytimes.com/archives/files/art/20080312.jpg
or MySpace or Facebook?
http://www.reverendfun.com/add_toon_info.php?date=20080218&language=en
But if you leave your questionnaire lying about, he’ll pick it up himself…cos he can see everything :)
http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/mba/lowres/mban318l.jpg
For those among us who went through the rigours of Cathecism classes of old....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxo81Ok9Urk
and this is for the lunch break
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kLTbvjqF6Y
Where do I send the questionnaire? ;)
As for humour, I live by the maxim: Laugh wherever you deem fit and let them who disapprove do the worrying. I hope this reasoning does not bode badly for me, I being a fifth-year Seminarian :p
I find it a good sign of good mental health when one is capable of joking about oneself or about an organization or institution one forms part of.
I didn't know the Inquisition still existed in Malta - inquisitors are even worse than the monsinjuri. I hope they don't expect to get the their palaces in Birgu and Girgenti back.
(Fr Borg, since this blog is about humour I'm going to humour you and will post my serious magnus opus another time.)
By any chance is the Granada Professor's specialization in religious humour? Since he's called Dios and all...Just asking...maybe his Visiting card reads....
Professor Dios
For all those who suffer from the Holier-Than-Thou Syndrome...
It's my turn on the stake Father...
After 'If God Said so' post God wants us to fill this in.... even you Kenneth - he told me to tell you :))))))))))))))))
http://www.stephenvardy.ca/stephen-vardy/musings/god-humour.htm
A Catholic boy and a Jewish boy were talking and the Catholic boy said, "My priest knows more than your rabbi." The Jewish boy said, "Of course he does, you tell him everything."
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A Franciscan and Jesuit were debating which order was the greatest. So, they decided to ask for a sign from God. This is what they received falling down from heaven:
My sons,
Please stop bickering about such trivial matters,
Sincerely,
God, O.P. *
*HE Archbishop take note :)
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After the Baptism of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys."
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After church one Sunday morning, a mother commented, "The choir was awful this morning." The father commented, "The sermon was too long." Their 7-year-old daughter added, "You've got to admit it was a pretty good show for 20cents”
More to come....