I am disturbed by the fact there are people in this country who seem to see no problem with the idea of going to a brothel to pay for sex. To be clear, I do not believe that women who work in the sex industry should be treated as criminals at all, and in fact should be given proper support to get out of it. My main issue is more with the men, and the misogynistic mindset of those who pay for sex.

Take a moment to imagine a day at work. Let’s say, for argument’s sake, you teach for a living. While you may not feel in the mood from time to time, you know you still have to work because you have a duty to do so. You have a boss who would be the first to tell you to get back into class. And let’s not forget that you, too, have bills to pay. There is very little choice in the matter, unless you decide to quit your job. In which case, you need to find another one.

Now I am sure we all agree that teaching and having sex are two very different things. No one takes a school to court because they were forced to teach. Can you imagine what it must be like for a prostitute? Can she decide, half way through intercourse with a fat ugly man that she no longer wants to have sex? No, she can’t. In fact, I would go as far as to say that one of the main reasons a man would go to a prostitute for sex is because she cannot say no since she has been paid. Don’t forget that this is sex we are talking about.

Every adult knows that it is possible to be having sex with someone and be crying, or cringing the entire time without that person knowing. Forcing yourself to go along with it because you have no choice. Dress code for work? “You have to walk around naked,” says the boss. Not in the mood? “Tough, get out there and work”.

Aren’t the women there of their own volition? Can’t they just walk away, if they wanted to? Perhaps, but it is more likely not the case. So many people are in jobs they don’t like but have to do and they don’t walk away. Thankfully their jobs aren’t sleeping with seven or 10 men a day. I wouldn’t call that a choice.

Also, let’s not forget that there is little to no guarantee that the women working in a brothel have not been trafficked, beaten, threatened or forced to do the work, or are desperately trying to pay off debts, or support their family.

There may be the odd story of a woman who does things on her terms, but you are more likely to come across stories that tell a far less empowering tale.

Research carried out in 2010 in the UK is reported to have shown that one-third of men who go to prostitutes thought that the prostitute had been trafficked to London, but still went ahead with the act. More than half admitted that they knew or suspected that the women they were sleeping with were there victims of the pimp – explaining that the pimp does the psychological abusing, but still visit the prostitute. Is this a feminist’s dream or nightmare?

Prostitution is often legalised to protect the women from men who seek their services, and not to make men think that it is all okay. However, legalising prostitution has not made the situation better.

A study in 2012 published in World Development showed that countries that had legalised prostitution had a higher inflow of human trafficking. Legalising prostitution does not guarantee that the women being paid are there because they want to.

Yes, going to a brothel and seeking the services of a prostitute is the behaviour of a very specific type of man. Personally, I prefer to call such an act for what it is: risking carrying out an act of rape, because how can a woman in such a situation give any form of meaningful consent?

The psychological impact of being forced to have sex is vastly different from having to do a job you don’t particularly like. I will repeat, there is no guarantee that the prostitute a man is sleeping with has a choice.

If you want sex, go to a bar and meet someone who is in a position to say no should she feel she doesn’t want to. I am not too bothered, so long as you are still in a situation where you have to respect the person you are sleeping with. Anything short of that is unacceptable in my view.

When it comes to sex, being able to say no is the most important option you have, and under no situation, whether you are drunk, married, or perhaps no longer into the idea, should you be deprived of that.

Edward Caruana Galizia is an actor and studied psychosocial studies at Birkbeck University of London.

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