The list of first names of babies born in 2016 ranges from the traditional and the famous to the rather unusual and downright unpronounceable. Kristina Chetcuti goes name-calling.

It will be the perfect chat-up line in 20 years’ time: “I’ll have a Chablis, please,” she’ll say. “Then you can have me,” he’ll answer.

Baby Chablis, born in 2016, has the potential to grow up into a really polished, steely and elegant young man, just like the wine he is named after. Once he says his name, everyone will be utterly hooked. “Why are you named after a wine?” they will ask, and he will regale his audience with tales of how his parents conceived him in the middle of the chateau of a wine terroir in Burgundy, France. He’ll have everyone swooning.

Everyone, that is, apart from a fellow peer born in 2016: Wenjun. He won’t be much impressed by Chablis, because he himself has been called after the Chinese 2,000-year-old traditional white spirit. Yes, Chablis will have stiff competition.

The list of names of babies born in 2016 shows three clear patterns: safe names like Jake and Giulia, Adam and Amy, Martina and Matthias; foreign baby names, such as the Serb Milorad or the Turkish Hamza; the Arabic Batoul and the Russian Matvei.

Why are you called after a wine?’ they will ask, and he will regale his audience with tales of how his parents conceived him in the middle of the chateau of a wine terroir in Burgundy

Then there are those names that are, how shall we put it, creatively original… like Rhysinith and Riadalomr and Akasthiya and Kaynzin (that N in the middle is an innovative feature of 2016, last year it was Kayzin).

Some can have a rather iffy pronunciation. I’m thinking Alzober, Kruna and even Kinda – as in ‘I think it’s kinda funny’. I’m also not sure how well Ajja will go down in the playground, or Seyfi (“Seyfi, let’s take a selfie”). Sometimes it’s the spelling that is peculiar, like baby Entoni, the future Entoni Hopkins.

There’s also Fruma, Arsu and Cozhea, and what about Afomia? It’s a name that was first coined in 1880, and since then there have been 69 babies in the US with that name – that’s 0.5 babies called Afomia every year for 135 years. Now we have our own Maltese one.

But not all unusual names are unpronounceable. Like baby Elshaddai, which till now was only a name for houses. Or baby Candela, baby Lake, baby Sham, baby Moss or baby Blue. “Blue Borg, lend me some blu tack”; “I’m blue da-da dee da da”; “Blue, mate, are you voting Labour?” It’s a bit tricky that one, isn’t it? Incidentally, there’s also a baby Trki. Hopefully, he will grow up to be friends with baby Clarity.

The Gozo tunnel could have been behind baby Mina and baby Chennille. There is also baby Saber, who could have been called after Diego, the sabretooth tiger in Ice Age, or maybe his parents have a collection of sabre backswords.

One baby was called Ira, for La Losco

There are also some Maltese names, such as Xandru, Ġorġ, Indri and Pawlu. One baby was called Ira, for La Losco. And two others after the teenage singer Destiny. For those who are numerically inclined, there’s even a baby Hamsa and a Seba. There is also a more contemporary Maltese: Shyli. Please don’t frown: a quick Google search shows that there is a very famous Shyli Cassar – singer of the hit Il Patt. And she is anything but shy.

There are also a couple of 2016 names that will set you down memory lane if you are in your late 30s or 40s and grew up on television doses of Bim Bum Bam: Mila and Dashiro. Do you remember that Japanese manga cartoon? “Mila e Shiro, due cuori nella pallavolo, Shiro e Mila, amore a prima vista e!”

The Japanese volleyball players bring us nicely to baby Asja and other babies who are named after locations, such as baby Paris, baby Sydney and Yenezia (the ‘V’ grew a leg in the naming process). There’s also baby Aren, a French commune in the region of southwestern France, baby Ataher, a village in Iran, and baby Dubois, a city in Pennsylvania.

Last year had its fair share of babies named after footballers. Purely based on this, I can declare Neymar (da Silva), the Barcelona FC forward, to be the most popular footballer ever. Every year, there are four or more babies named after him. There’s only one baby Cristiano, after Ronaldo, and a single Paulo, after Dybala. Messi doesn’t fare so well either, with just two Lionels in the list.

There’s also Iker, named after Casillas, the Porto goalkeeper; Cole, after the left-back Ashley; Dusan, after Tadic, the Southampton midfielder; Emre, after Can, the Liverpool footballer; and Grzegorz, after the Pole who plays for Paris Saint-Germain. Baby Yaya could have been named after Touré, the Manchester City midfielder, or his parents had just read Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

Some names recall acronyms. Is baby Icoh named after the International Commission on Occupational Health? Or baby Idman after internet download manager? Baby Anes after the American National Election Studies? What about baby Remas? Is he named after the Research Ethics Management Application System, or are his parents fans of Remax?

I can declare Neymar (da Silva), the Barcelona FC forward, to be the most popular footballer ever. Every year, there are four or more babies called after him

There are others: Chansel, Claizen, Marshone could easily be a pizza, an air-conditioning company or a coffee table, respectively.

There was only a hint of politics this year: one baby Hillary, one baby Melania. So that’s a draw (and Trump won’t be happy).

But whatever their names, we wish the class of 2016 the best of luck. Let’s raise our (Chablis) glasses to the whole lot of them.

The most popular boys’ and girls’ names of 2016:

Jake
Liam
Ben
Benjamin
Jack
Matthias
Matteo
Ella
Leah
Martina
Nina
Amy
Giulia
Elena

Some tongue twisters among the 2016 baby names:

Kai, Kaia, Kaiel, Kaien, Kaii, Kailee, Kailen, Kailene, Kailey, Kailyn, Kairon, Kais, Kaynzin, Kayra, Kaystin, Kayvin, Kayzin, Kayzon, Kazian

Shailee, Shalen, Shalize, Sham, Shamizon, Shanaizia, Shanique, Shayleigh, Shaylyn, Shayona, Shayson, Shazaia, Shazaleah, Shazlene, Shezalaya, Shezia, Shezloann, Sheznick

The Sunday Times of Malta only had access to the list of first names of babies born in 2016. Due to the Data Protection Act, no other information, including surnames and addresses, was made available by Identity Malta.