“Control tower MIA… control tower MIA. This is Captain Azhar Mohammed, captain of flight number QZT 141, Mickey Mouse Airlines, Libya, with 104 passengers plus six crew members on board. We are approaching MIA at a height of 1,200 metres and we have a hostage situation developing.

“The hijackers are two Libyan men, they appear to be in their late 20s to early 30s and they are both armed and dangerous. They have a handgun each plus a grenade, with which they are threatening to blow up the aircraft. Therefore we are requesting permission to land.”

Voice of Air Traffic Controller: “Do you have to land here? I mean, Catania is just across the way?”

“We have to land now, our fuel is running very low.”

ATC: “Oh alright then; but give me a minute or two… enough time to summon the Rapid Response Unit… they need a couple of hours notice to get here, you see.”

“I am approaching the main runway now.”

“Oh s***! Right, well, once you’re down, could you taxi to the perimeter of the airfield and park up there. This really is most inconvenient you know.”

Ten minutes pass.

“I have parked the aircraft as far away from the terminal as I can. Could you summon a negotiator to speak to the hijackers?”

“Oh sure, Charlie, are you busy right now? No, good, then come over near me and have a word with the captain of this plane. He says he’s been hijacked from… Libya was it?”

“Yes we were en route from Zillah to Tripoli when we were hijacked by these two desperate men.”

“Ah, good morning. Charles Bugelli Depiro here, how can I help you?”

“Just… just talk to the hijackers please.”

“Why not, hello.”

“Oh hello, hijacker Ali here.”

“Good morning, Charles Bugelli Depiro here… so what can I do for you?”

“Cup of tea would be nice.”

“Yes, of course. But before I brew-up could you perhaps release the women and children in your care?”

“Absolutely, no sooner said than done… off you go ladies and take

your kids with you. There, now about that tea…”

An exploding qargħa bagħli can cause a lot of damage

“Coming up squire. By the way… which faction do you represent… as hijackers I mean. PLO, Daesh, IRA?”

“Actually, since you ask, we are from the TRIADS.”

“Really! But I thought they were Chinese, you sound more… how shall I put this… Arabic.”

“Oh, we are, yes, but we’re still from the TRIADS… the TRIpoli Amateur Dramatic Society.”

“I see. Can I speak to the captain again please?”

“Hello, captain speaking. What now?”

“Sorry to bother you again but… you said these guys were armed.”

“Not were armed… are armed, with two handguns and a hand grenade.”

“Gosh that’s dangerous, they could cause no end of damage. What make of handguns are they… Glock, Smith and Wesson? It should say on the stock; if you could just…

“Ah yes, it says Triang. Does that mean anything to you?”

“Triang are toy makers, which is promising. What about the grenade?”

“I’ve just checked and it’s actually not a real grenade.”

“Oh, what is it then?”

“It’s a qargħa bagħli (marrow) but from a distance it looks just like a grenade, very convincing.”

“Still, be careful. An exploding qargħa bagħli can cause a lot of damage.”

“True, I’ll get the stewardess to flush it down the WC.”

“That should do it. You say these guys are armed and dangerous.”

“Hello, it’s hijacker Ali again. Yes we are… highly dangerous. Any idea when the media will get here? I mean, we didn’t do this for our own amusement you know.”

“I’ll check… my colleague says they are on their way and should be here with cameras, etcetera, in about 10 minutes. Now kindly release the rest of the passengers and crew.”

“Certainly, we don’t want them muscling in on our big moment in front of the cameras now do we. Off you go the rest of you… but leave the steps in place, if you don’t mind.”

“You’ll both go to jail for this you know.”

“That’s all you know. We’ve been promised 20 dollars each for this little jaunt; two weeks in a five-star hotel called the Corradino Hilton, then repatriation to Tripoli and a hero’s welcome.”

“Well good luck with that.”

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