According to news reports the new Equality Bill to be tabled in Parliament will forbid businesses from discriminating against people when providing their services. By way of example we were given this: “Therefore, a gay couple will be able to sue for discrimination if a restaurant kicks them out for kissing at table.”
I have to say, I was slightly baffled. So now if two gay people kiss in a restaurant and the manager tells them to leave they can sue; but if you are straight and you kiss in front of the waiters and the manager tells you to leave, can you sue then? No, said a lawyer friend of mine, the law doesn’t seem to cater for that. Go figure.
Another thing, let’s say the owner is a bit particular about smooching and only wants customers to smack their lips with delight at his food and not smack them on another set of lips, what happens then? Would he have to put up a sign, outside, of pair of lips crossed off? Or a note at the bottom of the menu reading ‘No Snuggling Allowed’? Would that spare him the court cases? Or would he just have to instruct waiters to deliver food with one hand and the other peeking through their fingers in case there’s nestling going on?
This gay-couple-in-a-restaurant is a very weird example to give in a Bill because, let’s face it, why would people – whether lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, questioning or straight – want to kiss in the middle of the restaurant? It is not like we’ve had a series of restaurant managers standing in corners, dressed in black in Anne Robinson style, ready to pounce on people going “Hi, mwah, mwah!” and then giving them the marching orders.
I don’t suppose the Bill is referring to a peck on the cheek or on the lips. I understood that they were referring to a full-blown French bisou while dining on French cuisine. I mean, why on earth would you want to do that unless you’re a teenager or acting in a rom-com? I mean there is such a thing as boundaries and manners and etiquette and I’d like to think that most people respect that and will keep on respecting that, whatever a paranoid law in future might say.
In a sense, this brings me to the point of this column: whatever happened to kissing of the hand? It is such a graceful gesture, full of the most courtly manners, and yet it is almost obsolete in this country.
A hand-kiss goes directly to the soul
The hand-kiss was first documented in 1894 in Manners, Culture, and Dress of the Best American Society as “the kiss of respect”: It was, back then, considered a respectful way for gentleman to greet a lady. It seems that the practice originated in the Spanish courts of the 17th and 18th centuries.
Traditionally, the hand-kiss was initiated by the woman, who offered her hand to a man to kiss. It was a gesture of courtesy and extreme politeness, and it was considered impolite and even rude to refuse an offered hand.
Over time it evolved into something sweeter, a romantic gesture, usually in parting and usually initiated by a man and used to convey a feeling of a more traditional and emotional attraction.
I have a very soft spot for the hand-kiss because it evokes good memories: my father would often kiss my mother’s hand and to this day, I find it very touching way of showing affection. I find that it is a kiss which goes directly to the soul: courtesy, respect and devotion all rolled up in one.
Maybe we all – whatever our sexual orientation – should do more of this, and worry less about smooching in public and suing. And maybe the authors of that bill ought to really get a life.
Hand-kiss – what to do:
A hand-kiss is initiated by the person giving the greeting, by extending a hand to grasp the recipient’s hand. Gently pick up the recipient’s hand and raise it slowly while bending slightly forward at the waist to meet with it. The person kissing bows towards the offered hand and touches the knuckles with their lips, while lightly holding the offered hand. A quick peck is planted softly on the back of the recipient’s hand.
Hand-kiss –what not to do:
Do not yank at her arm and lunge face forward as if you’re about to devour a koxxa tal-majjal.
Do not speak while you’re doing it.
Do not use your other hand while hand-kissing.
Do not reach out for the mini bar with the other hand while hand-kissing, even if you are a mature minister.
Do not turn peck into a too wet, or too long kiss.
Do not slobber all the way up to her elbow, like that Gomez from Family Addams.
Do not stand back and expect the recipient to jump on you.
Do not make a big deal out of it.
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Twitter: @KrisChetcuti