Sometimes you have to wonder if Fifa’s ludicrous behaviour comes naturally or if they make a conscious effort to be utterly pathetic.

I am sure you are all aware of the ongoing dispute between football’s governing body and the football associations of England and Scotland regarding the players wearing poppies during their qualifying clash earlier this month.

Despite Fifa insisting that doing so would be breaking rules about mixing political gestures with football, the associations defied Fifa and both sets of players wore poppies on black armbands.

For their ‘crime’ both teams could now face fines and even a points deduction.

Now you can agree or disagree with the stance taken by Scotland and England – personally I think they were right to do it – but at least it was a clear ‘offence’. The rules are there, they chose to defy them and they knew there would be consequences.

Now however, Fifa has decided to broaden their attack by starting disciplinary proceedings against the football associations of Northern Ireland and Wales.

However, both those associations didn’t allow their players to wear poppies. So Fifa have had to dig a bit deeper to find something to charge them with.

And boy have they managed that.

Wales, for example, have been served with a moronic list of charges including: a member of the armed forces holding a bunch of poppies at the end of the tunnel; a fans’ poppy mosaic in the stands; and a banner depicting a poppy held up by supporters before the match.

All very sad, but they pale in pathetic insignificance compared with this absolute peach of a charge… the fact that “some supporters in the stands were wearing poppies”.

Are Fifa serious?

Are they actually, seriously, without a hint of humour, trying to blame the Welsh Football Association for what supporters chose to wear to watch the match?

If, and this is an ‘if’ of cosmic proportions, Fifa had a shred of credibility in fighting this case, it evaporated in a puff of logic at that point.

How on earth can Fifa expect the Welsh to do anything about what fans wear? Are they supposed to put officials at every entrance to check supporters up and down just in case they are wearing something that might have political connotations?

Maybe Fifa envisage an even more authoritarian future where supporters will only be allowed into grounds if they are wearing ‘approved outfits’, which will obviously be made by one of their sponsors.

I am sorry but this whole ‘Poppygate’ affair is just insane. British football believes it is right and proper to pay tribute to the men and women who lost their lives in conflicts, most of them fighting for freedom and civil liberty.

There is no harm in that, never has been and never will be.

The rule about political slogans was to stop players wearing T-shirts under their official tops with ‘Free Crimea’ or ‘Trump Sucks’ on them, which is understandable.

Using that rule to try and stop footballers paying tribute to those that have fallen is disgraceful. Using it to try and stop fans do the same thing is evidence that Fifa, even without Sepp Blatter in charge, is still misguided, incompetent and suffering from serious delusions of self-importance.

Has F1 hit the skids?

Here’s a question for you to contemplate over your bacon and eggs: has Formula One lost its sparkle?

I know F1 still has plenty of hardcore fans around the world, including Malta, and it will always have a good following.

How on earth can Fifa expect the Welsh to do anything about what fans wear?

But is it as popular, glamorous and widely followed as it was 10 or 20 years ago? I would say not. What started me down this line was the news that Malaysia will stop hosting a grand prix in 2018 when their current agreement expires because it no longer provides ‘economic value’.

Ticket sales and viewing figures for the race at Sepang have been steadily declining. In fact, this year only 45,000 people attended the race when the circuit has a capacity of 120,000.

Of course, that’s just one country and I’m pretty sure another circuit will snap up their spot on the calendar extremely quickly.

But reading about Malaysia got me thinking about the sport as a whole and I suddenly realised I never hear anyone talking about it anymore.

A few years ago you would hear people talking about F1 all the time. At the various times when Ayrton Senna, Nigel Mansel, Damon Hill, Alain Prost, Mika Hakkinen and Michael Schumacher were driving, it was a sport that provoked a lot of chatter.

These days, however, it’s like nobody I know is watching it. I can’t remember the last time a friend or colleague said “did you see the race yesterday?” That used to be a staple Monday morning conversation opener.

This season comes to what is a relatively exciting climax today with Lewis Hamilton looking to snatch the driver’s title from teammate Nico Rosberg. If Hamilton wins and Rosberg doesn’t make the podium in Abu Dhabi then the title goes to the Englishman. Any other scenario and it goes to the German.

Yet despite this potentially dramatic finale, I haven’t heard today’s grand prix mentioned once over the past week.

A title fight like this that goes to the final race of the season would have been the talk of the town a decade ago, an event worthy of getting a few of the lads around and stocking up the fridge with beer.

Now it seems more like a sport that casual followers will watch, maybe, if it just happens to be on the television.

Is this the case F1 fans, or am I mistaken? And if it is, what’s the reason behind it? I am genuinely interested to find out.

It’s all about the anthem

Leicester City beat Club Brugge last Tuesday night to not only ensure they qualify for the knockout stages of the Champions League, but that they do so as group winners.

It must be very frustrating for Claudio Ranieiri to see his team so convincing against foreign teams while back home their title defence is borderline embarrassing.

To be honest, I predicted that the latter would happen, but I certainly didn’t think Leicester would do so well in the Champions League.

The Italian must be pulling his hair out trying to find a solution to this bizarre set of circumstances. He’s probably analysing tactics and Prozone stats and begging his sports scientists for a solution.

Well, maybe I’ve got one for him, and it’s staring him right in the face – play the Champions League anthem in the dressing room before matches…

You may think I jest, but strange quirks like this have been known to work in the undeniably superstitious world of football.

Back in the 1990s, when Sheffield United were actually a top-flight team, manager Dave Basset had a problem: every season they would have a disastrous start before springing to life in January and saving themselves from relegation.

So Harry, as he was known, decided it was time for some drastic action to avoid another winless start to a campaign. His solution? Holding the club’s Christmas party a bit earlier than usual… in August.

And it worked.

The Blades started the season with a 2-1 win over Manchester United and were never really in relegation trouble at all. The following season he dropped the early Christmas idea… and they were relegated.

So Mr Ranieri, the morale of this story is don’t dismiss doing unusual things to improve your team’s form. They do sometimes work.

Just be prepared to keep on doing them forever.

sportscolumnist@timesofmalta.com
Twitter: @maltablade