I had vowed never to open my mouth again, never to criticise my government or my nation again. But my spirit, or whatever moves inside of me, shouts out louder and pushes me to speak out.

Dear Prime Minister, please listen to us, we the sheep of the national flock. The bakers are leading us astray. They do not know how to, or do not have the will to bake good bread anymore. It comes soft   like a sponge in the morning and it ruins my breakfast every time.

Some say that bakers are switching off the electric ovens too early to save on electricity bills, while others blame it on the nature of the prevailing wind.  Some unscrupulous bakers are using chipboard and varnished woods and everyone knows this is bad for health. Where are the health inspectors may I ask? Slumbering on the job perhaps?

Take my advice and next time you are in London, Brussels, Amsterdam or Berlin ask the chauffeur to take you to a couple of different health food stores, otherwise known as Reformhaus, to taste their different kinds of bread. You will be amazed at their high nutritional quality and ingenious designs. They all make Maltese bread look and taste rather stale and unappetising.

Where are the traffic police? Why are motorcyclists with silencers booming like an aeroplane not stopped and handed a ticket or made to change them for less noisy ones? Why is it that cars and trucks are still allowed to pollute the precious air we breathe with carcinogenic exhaust fumes with impunity?

We are a nation of twisted minds, sick bodies and soulless creatures

Why cannot the police force find out the source of Antonio Palumbo’s dockyard generator-like noise which has been going on for the last three years? And oh yes, why haven’t the police tracked down the thief who stole the gold chain from the neck of a corpse of a homicide victim while in their custody?

Also, please inform us – I think we have a right to know – what happened to the 15 kilos of cocaine which were lately confiscated from a car returning from Sicily? Was the drug incinerated? And if so, can we have some proof of please?

You tell us that we are number one in Europe, but I do not believe you, unless you mean that we are number one in envy, blasphemy and hatred. This by the way includes the Opposition, as we are all in it together, for as the saying goes, it takes two to tango.

Alfred Sant let me down as he had promised justice but he never delivered. Next came Lawrence Gonzi and he too flopped on that issue. Then you came along and you promised us heaven on earth, but instead we got crumbs from under your dinner table.

Now, Simon Busuttil is promising us honesty, fairness and justice. Should I believe him? How can I when the wolf has cried too many times? My reflective soul tells me that it is a very hard pill to swallow. Thrice bitten, forever shy, and as a result I have lost my faith in our leaders, and in my old age I am resigned to pass away to the other world without the satisfaction of seeing justice being done.

Thus, I have come to the conclusion that we are a nation of twisted minds, sick bodies (number one in Europe in obesity), and soulless creatures. The pirate nature of our ancestors persists in our DNA, while the famished war-torn days of yore are imbedded deeply in our genes and seem to dictate that we cheat and steal as much as we can in order to survive.

It is not for nothing that English doctor Vernon Coleman called us “a nation of liars, petty thieves and crooks” some 20 years ago. Since then, we have grown ‘wiser’ in this business.

What is the solution then? Discipline, that’s what, discipline and more discipline. Since we are cut off from Mother Nature, living on a claustrophobic, desert prison of an island, all alone  in the middle of a sea, lacking mountains and forests and wildlife, we seem to have degenerated into the lower realms of the beastly, not to say  the demonic.

For it goes without saying that the divine spark which ought to exist within each and every human being has already been snuffed out of most of us.

Since our nation has won the title of first in Europe in least unemployment, then might I ask you to consider the possibility of inviting a whole police force from some more civilised and disciplined north European country to come and work here and to teach our local constabulary how to perform their duties?

For my intuition tells me that it would work wonders, since we, the Maltese rabble are a nation who revel in law-breaking and, as a result, we seem to be ungovernable by either of the two leading political parties, or by the Church, or by common sense itself.

But of course, if, in the meantime, members of the governing body interfere and hinder the police from doing their duty, then no amount of prayer or reform will save us and our nation from slipping into the cesspool of inefficiency, confusion, suffering and despair.

Frank Theuma is coordinator of Justice Watch Malta.