Although it is more than nine months before I marry Doris from the fish gutting plant, my fiancée is already making copious preparations. She has commissioned her cousin Isabel to construct her dress. Yes, she’ll be wearing a proper white, or whiteish, wedding dress – and not, as some of the more ignorant opposition media outlets have suggested, the boiler suit and wellies she wears at work.

Naturally, my lovely Doris is already getting excited at the prospect of a summer wedding and of course the prospect of being married to one of Jo-zeff’s closest confidantes… me.

What about that budget then? As Jo-zeff so succinctly put it; it was his gift to the people of Malta. And who could disagree with that? Well sadly my father could and did. He vehemently contradicted my budget euphoria in the strongest… but most ill-informed… possible terms.

I am seriously thinking of sending him to night school to re-educate the stubborn old bugger in the ways of the 21st century here in Jo-zeff’s socialist paradise. Sadly my Pa’s ignorant intransigence is permeating through to my mother. Mummy has been one of my staunchest supporters, ever since I managed to persuade her to switch her vote to Jo-zeff at the last general election.

Yet last Thursday she confessed to me that she is having second thoughts. She told me: “I know I supported you totally at the last election, but I find all this awful corruption among the ruling elite so distressing. And don’t tell me I don’t recognise corruption when I see it; I’ve been married to your father for 42 years.”

And on that same subject, I know it must be getting a bit tedious, but I really do have to take issue… yet again, with the so-called opposition media regarding their spurious persecution of poor Kon.

Here is a man selflessly doing all he can for the country, the party and himself – and all that band of hapless hacks can do is hark back to his one moment of madness… Panamagate, and walk out of parliament whenever he gets up to speak. Then carp endlessly about the poor man’s unwillingness to incriminate himself. For goodness sake! What do they expect him to do… shoot himself in the foot… again?

With regard to Keet almighty, he seems to be doing a brilliant job, so as far as I’m concerned he should be safe. Quite apart from being Jo-zeff’s most trusted courtier, he has also brought untold wealth to our country and himself, by brokering that currency deal. Prosit Keet, keep it up, Jo-zeff needs you now more than ever.

We are now officially one of the foremost and best run democracies in the free world

Which is also something that should be said about another trustee in Jo-zeff’s employ. I am, of course, referring to Jo-zeff’s media guru and blogmeister, Glen Bedwetter. He of the nine chins and many more deftly aimed insults.

I watched him on TV recently making short work of someone called Sandro Pavia… or something. With people like Glen in his corner, be assured that Jo-zeff is safe to continue as capo of our sainted land for as long as he wants to… and many years beyond.

You know, more and more I am coming to realise that, as well as being Malta’s finest PM since and beyond Il Salvatur, Jo-zeff has become, in an incredibly short time, a statesman of world renown. He even felt emboldened enough to put the British PM, Mrs Teresa Thatcher in her place… and in her very own backyard; Drowning Street, prosit again Guz, prosit veru.

Did you see the latest Stunted and Poor’s credit rating for our sainted isle under the benign dictatorship of Jo-zeff and friends (Including me)? We are now officially one of the foremost and best run democracies in the free world. Eat your heart out North Korea.

Comments:

Better Red than dead writes: “Prosit hafna, is Sur’Backbencher. You must write it forsi the ‘ortobiografika’ from Chuwseff… is it.”

Blue Heaven writes: “When is this appalling and crooked government going to go all the way and appoint a Minister for Corruption?”