Pet’s Plates

Munchies
Triq il-Marfa,
Għadira Bay, Mellieħa
Tel: 2157 6416

Food: 5/10  
Location: 8/10
Service: 8/10
Value: 5/10
Overall: 6/10

There is something absolutely wonderful about dining al fresco by the sea.

The smells and sounds of the sea seem to impart an additional seasoning, providing the perfect backdrop to any dish. But this heavenly, alchemic combination of food and salty sea air only transpires when the food is at least decent.

And at Munchies it was hardly great! The Munchies menu is rather democratic, comprising burgers, salads, pasta, pizza, meat and fish. In spite of all this, the menu came across as being rather dull and, although we were hungry, the business of selecting what to eat soon grew tiresome. Nothing stood out on the menu. Uninspired, we decided to order a starter to share between the three of us and enjoyed some aperitifs on the lovely terrace whilst we waited. Further ordering of food would have to wait.

The Munchies restaurant (there are several in Malta) we were lunching at is to be found right on the seashore in Għadira Bay in Mellieħa, Malta’s longest stretch of sandy beach. The location is gorgeous. We sat on a spacious terrace, elevated  above the water’s edge. Looking out at the Mellieha coast and skyline, one can’t fail to notice the blocks of hideous flats, hotels and holiday homes that have been chaotically crammed into every single available rock crevice in the once picturesque Mellieħa hillside. Similar grotesque uglification continues to be carried out with increasing intensity all over the island.

And I could come to only one conclusion.

We Maltese seem to lack a social conscience. We show little or no respect for our land and seem quite content to destroy the surrounding natural environment. We are so intent on “progress”, but we will eventually fall into a spiral of regress.

The critique stopped there. The starter had arrived and that signalled an end to our musings. We were hunger-struck and ready to dive in to the huge platter of deep fried calamari. Their colouring looked good, crispy and golden brown. But looks can at times be deceiving when it comes to food.

One day you might find me on the Munchies terrace again, enjoying a sundowner and perhaps a chocolate, but that will be all

The calamari were not fresh and tasted very much like the tough, rubbery variety that had been shaken out of a frozen packet and into a pot of boiling water. Nevertheless, the batter was good and the squid rings had been well coated and nicely deep fried. There was no excessive greasiness to them. The dipping sauce tasted very sweet and artificial.

On seeing (and tasting) the quality of the ingredients used, we were uncertain of how to proceed with our order. We had all fancied some fresh fish, but after the squid starter none of us were in the least bit tempted. We couldn’t face the disappointment of a poorly cooked fish! The resulting choice for the main course was thus a selection of pastas and meat.

The vongole pasta, comprising clams tumbled together in olive oil, garlic and roughly sliced rounds of fresh chilli pepper and cherry tomatoes, was extremely mediocre. It was composed of frozen clams along with a few fresh ones thrown in. Moreover, some vongole hadn’t been properly cleaned and any light chewing left a gritty texture in the mouth and a tongue comparable to sandpaper.

When one eliminates fresh, quality ingredients, the entire dish immediately suffers. And with a simple pasta sauce such as this, certain inadequacies were glaringly apparent. The ingredient cheats and kitchen shortcuts encountered in the vongole pasta, unfortunately set the tone for the rest of the meal.

The kitchen’s shortcomings were mirrored also in the second pasta where certain sins were repeated. Although the dish of prawn and lobster ravioli looked pretty and vibrantly colourful, the shredded lobster packed into the ravioli was certainly not fresh. The ravioli cut open to reveal an alarmingly radioactive pink centre. The flavours simply weren’t right and the pasta itself was gummy.

The final nail in the coffin was a garnish of frozen prawns! Despite the meat being fork tender, the slow-cooked spare ribs were hardly mouth wateringly good. The full rack of supposedly smoked pork ribs had been spread with a glaze of sticky carob barbecue sauce that was neither rich nor boldly flavourful. The side of coleslaw was sickly sweet and quite inedible. The potato wedges served alongside the meat were again of the frozen variety. They were, needless to say, quite awful.

Predictably, the desserts were nothing to rave about. The ice cream and sorbet were of poor quality and so was the dry chocolate fondant. Most surprisingly, the in-house chocolates were actually quite good. We tasted a fig and lemon chocolate and a moka one.

During lunch, we had been waited on by a team of charming, charismatic staff. But this, along with Munchies’ charming location, are not things that will draw me back in a hurry. My great grievance is of course the fact that fresh, quality produce is not the order of the day at Munchies. There had been far too many cheats and each dish had suffered due to the inferior quality of the ingredients used. I had not expected flair and finesse from this restaurant kitchen; just honest, simple food.

Munchies is, after all, a casual restaurant by the sea. I would happily have eaten a very ordinary meal on the water’s edge, for the pure pleasure of eating in the open air and lapping up the last of the summer sunshine. But I hadn’t even remotely enjoyed a single dish! What I felt the meal was worth, and the amount subsequently printed on the bill were miles apart. This seaside restaurant is certainly not cheap!

One day you might find me on the Munchies terrace again, enjoying a sundowner and perhaps a chocolate, but that will be all.