I have a Vespa. It’s not pink, but almost: it’s plum with a beige seat. It’s old, it’s got a tiny, barely visible, knock on one side, but it’s beautiful. So far I’ve used it every day whenever it hasn’t rained, and at night, I cover it and pat it goodnight.

I spent a month of scouting bike shops, Maltapark and the Classified section of this paper; test driving quite a good number of scooters described as “in good condition” but which really are in an “oh-yeah-I-forgot-to-tell-you-the-brakes-aren’t-working-properly-and-the-lights-don’t-turn on-etc” state. I also tried an electric scooter: German, quite retro-looking and very, very silent – it felt ‘seen but not heard’ Victorian. It was great fun turning up noiselessly behind people, but rather above my budget.

In the end I settled for a second-hand one bought off a girl-next-door who loved the scooter dearly and clearly had to part with it because of a change in circumstances. It was love at first sight, namely because I prefer things which have a history (which is why I love old houses as opposed to brand new apartments) – they have more colour and life.

Women make for safer driving on the road. So please, take the bold step and get a scooter. The more of us there is out there, the less the traffic and the more the fun

Life as seen from a scooter is rather different from that behind a driving wheel in a car. First off, you notice more how angry motorists are. Granted, they would have been cooped up in a vehicle for more than an hour in traffic, but they seem angrier at bikes. It’s like they have no patience for a scooter on the road; like it’s the cherry on the cake to their traffic gripes; like a scooter’s place is on the pavement and how dare you drive on the tarmac and stand in our way.

And so car motorists, in their fit of car rage, raze their cars, hoot the horn urgently and then overtake at a neck-braking speed – yelling and gesticulating and pointing fingers while doing so – only to have to brake two metres away because of some traffic lights. So it’s not like I stood in their way of getting earlier to their destination.

Angry commuters could do well with considering a few motorbike lessons.

Do you save time? Do you skip traffic? Do you have to do scoot past cars in stunt-like manner to avoid getting stuck? Yes. Yes. No. I am as yet too green to manoeuvre my way through cars so I wait in line and drive law-abidingly behind cars, until I spot a bus lane. And that is so efficient. While, for example, it normally takes me the best of 40 minutes to cross Msida, it is now taking me a mere four minutes. Certainly quicker than a boat ride.

It is so efficient that in Rome last year they launched a smartphone app, Scooterino, to match scooter drivers with people wanting to hitch a ride. It’s been a great success both with locals – ever so keen to avoid the city’s inefficient transport – and with tourists because it’s cheap and it’s very Dolce Vita. Wouldn’t it be grand if we all had to be on two wheels?

In fact – driving a bike is like suddenly seeing the world in 3D. When you’re stuck in a car you only see the drivers next to you. When you’re on a bike, without a roof on your head, you see the whole picture: and the good thing is that you can stop and take in your surroundings.

And because you have to be constantly alert, because you are either considered a nuisance or you’re completely transparent – then it’s a people-watching bonanza. From the scooter seat you can see how drivers drum their fingers on the steering wheel; listen in to people singing along in the car; talking on their phones and barking orders; you can see how every one in five men picks their noses; how women use their mirrors to squeeze spots; or put on make-up.

I am noticing in fact, that there is an increase in women bikers on the road – we exchange a little nod and wave. This is of course good news, because as international statistics show, women make for safer driving on the road. So please, take the bold step and you too, dear reader, get a scooter. The more of us there is out there, the less the traffic and the more the fun.

krischetcuti@gmail.com
Twitter: @KrisChetcuti