• Oh joy, oh happy day. Yesss! Last Tuesday our charismatic and loveable leader Jo-zeff summoned me to his presence and – made me chairman of the Parliamentary Select Committee overseeing all private development in ODZs (Outside Development Zones).

I am so happy… no, ecstatic, euphoric! Our great capo has at last recognised my great qualities and elevated me to a position where my influence and… don’t let’s forget… earning power can be maximised.

See, I knew it was just a matter of time, and my patience has paid off. From this day on, anybody wanting to build a villa, a skyscraper… or whatever in an ODZ will have to bribe – I mean – go through me first.

Last Tuesday, upon being summoned into the presence of the mighty one, Jo-zeff said unto me: “You’re an architect, right?”

Er no, I replied: I am an accountant of some 14 years standing.

He replied: “Even better. Go forth my son and chair the ODZ permits committee, now get out.”

I am walking on air.

• Now what is this I hear about the Opposition media squealing about Jo-zeff’s use of a private jet for official business? Well how else do they expect him to get from A to B, by public transport? Ridiculous.

We are talking about a world leader here, someone who is held in the highest regard by other world leaders like… Angela ‘Marple’, Robert ‘Moogabby’, ‘Basher’ al-Assad and the president of ‘Nort Career’, ‘Kimberly’ ‘John’ un.

A private jet should be de rigeur for the likes of our leader… so there!

• What a sad, moaning bunch the Opposition media are. Their latest whine concerns the press conference that Konrad Mizzi gave. They are squealing because poor Kon refused to answer questions of his mega cock-up re Panamagate.

Well of course he did, what did they expect him to say? “OK guv, it’s a fair cop; guilty as charged. I’ll come quietly.” Then hold out his wrists for the cuffs to be snapped on. No chance!

I heard he told a friend of mine: “I’ve got 10 years to make hay… then I’ll retire 10 million better off.” Good luck to him. But why bother with hay when there is money to be made… serious money.

What is this I hear about the Opposition media squealing about Jo-zeff’s use of a private jet for official business? Well how else do they expect him to get from A to B, by public transport?

• Could somebody please tell me why all those so-called environment protection harpies are banging on about the proposed – and much needed – proliferation of extremely tall buildings in our islands?

Anybody with a gram of common sense can see we live on a finite rock with limited space for building. We need to go up… as well as out… and I, in my new capacity as me chairman of the Parliamentary Select Committee overseeing all private development in ODZ, will damn well see that we do.

In fact, I shall regard it as my God-given (Well OK, Jo-zeff-given, which is nearly the same thing) right to push developers into going higher and higher. Oh yes, the sky’s the limit.

• As you can imagine this blog attracts a good deal of positive feedback and quite a few queries. Here is just one typical query, that I was able to answer recently, from a Mr Ġużi Dimme-Gatt of Cospicua:

“Dear Friend of Jo-zeff; given his almost God-like qualities, can you please tell me why Jo-zeff’s not yet been made a saint?”

I replied: “I understand to attain sainthood you first have to be dead – and – since Jo-zeff is still very much alive, we will sadly have to wait until he croaks.”

• To cheerier things: this blogpost is a particularly happy one for me this month. Last Saturday, after putting it off for over a year, I finally announced my engagement to Doris from the fish-gutting plant in Marsaxlokk.

And no, it had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with those threats from her father.

I was going to do it anyway… some time.

No, we haven’t announced the date of the wedding yet; I’m waiting to see when the Bengħisa każin will be available for the reception.

Comments:

Simply Red writes: Settle an argument somebody: who is the greatest ever Maltese, Chuwseff Muscat or Nelson Mandela?

Blue is the Colour replies: Nelson Mandela of course; Chuwseff Muscat’s not Maltese.